To be a mother...

The mother first heard that she was a bad mother, quite soon after the birth of the child. Dad angry that the child cries, does not sleep, that the mother picks him up, takes him up, puts it to sleep, goes to sleep to him that she's nervous about every sneeze, and in the apartment it is not cleaned.

The whole day was at home – doing what? To clean hard? Then connect Granny's: the food is not, there is no timetable, he talks to you bad, deal with it a little, a little smack, a little love, a little fucking, all, all wrong!

Then join her in the sandbox grandmother at the door, and Tutors of kindergartens. Well, physicians, special article: what do you think, you want to ditch your child? Yes, thank you, from birth, do and achieve.

By the time a child starts school, his mother flinches from each addressed to her words, compressed, waiting for the blow, ready at any moment to quickly hide the child behind to face the dangers and teeth bared like a cornered wolf that last bit of strength protecting her cub.

Later, however, when she will chase a striker, barking, howling, the clatter of teeth and threatening oparsenal of hair on his neck, she put her cub a trashing that will not find it: how dare I dishonor? How much more you will blush to fade?

In school, of course, the mother no comfort will not say, except that with the child it is necessary to do what had to be done, homework that we need to explain to him how to behave, and require that it has established its behavior in the class, as if she had a remote control child.

By the end of school his mother will know that her child was worthless, the exam does not pass, the wipers will not take, in short, a complete pedagogical failure. At home, the father convinced the mother spoiled the child for its softness, and grandmother are sure that she is his and does not feed even.

Russia is a country unfriendly to children. On vacation, in transport, in the road, on the street, the mother turned watchful eyes of fellow citizens, ready for any occasion emitting a didactic point. Not easily, and in the temple where violent children do not particularly love – and the child's mother, who is tired, cranky or went stomping through the temple during the reading of the gospel, what did not hear.

Although I know of one Church where children are able to stand in the service, and not hang on mom, always invited to stand in front. There, they don't see other people's backs, and worship: how to sing, who reads, how many left, what does the priest... who is tired, distracted, turned candle sconces, maybe even sit on the bench. Behind mothers and grandmothers, which in time will remind you when to stand, when to sing, when to cross.

I know grandmothers who, seeing how snilsja child during the long prayers before communion, we can offer the mother to hold him in my arms, if not to walk with him in the churchyard, to the mother herself came to himself and prayed before the communion.

Teachers know that at the meeting two hours talking to parents – together and separately — which they have a great class, what a great talented kids and how they work out great. The parents went home so puzzled that some on the road even bought a cake for tea.

I saw a woman on the plane just took shook mom's nagging, the four-year-old and all the way painted her in a notebook, read with her, Marshak and Chukovsky, doing finger games – and even allowed mom to get some sleep, and neighbors to fly in silence.

Saw another that, when the seat back is kicked someone else's child, turned around and instead of sacramental "Mother, calm your child" said, "Baby, you kicked me in the back, it is very unpleasant, please don't do this".

One day I was driving home in a minibus with a glove puppet bear in the bag. Opposite sat a girl of about five, which was boring. She fidgeted, swinging her legs, bothering the mother issues, shoved neighbors. When the bear waved her paw out of the bag, she almost fell from the seat in amazement.

We were playing with the bear, and the mother looked with incredulous horror, ready at any moment to take away the child, to bear away, to shove him back to me, to snarl, to make her sit still and motionless and kill anyone who dares to say something. This is a conditioned reflex, is an old habit not to expect from others anything good.

I remember my grandmother or grandfather were taken from me in the night, a screaming baby, saying simply "sleep", although they have to work tomorrow; as a husband, not allowing the algebra to finish us with a child, fast and fun was finished with him the lessons, as I was back, picked up and helped — Pets, girlfriends, colleagues.

I remember a fellow traveler who stayed the night cries of my three year old daughter in the train, and the shop, which gave her a banana when our flight was delayed for 18 hours and the crazed child by the bullet was rushed to the airport.

Remember with gratitude those who helped to lift the overturned carriage, missed the queue at the public toilet, held out his handkerchiefs when the son of the street was from a nose bleed, gave just the balls, amused crying baby. And I always feel like I have to return it all to other people.

Any mom hard. She does not know everything and not everyone knows, she is not always herself reached that degree of mental maturity, adulthood, kindness, self-confidence, which allows her in any crisis situation to maintain the presence of mind to make the right decisions. Mom makes mistakes, doing most important work and the dearest person in my life. She sees it and doesn't know how to fix them. And so she think that everything she is doing wrong and is wrong; it is in the soul of a perfectionist and wants to do everything perfectly, but is can not waiting, cowering, she again put the deuce. No need to hammer it in.


See also: birth order of children affects their fate

Emotional deafness environment


Sometimes it is to maintain a good word, to notice the child's progress, to praise her effort, tell her something good about her child, gently offer assistance. And not to rush to judge, to point fingers, to educate and to make comments. But if complaining is to listen, not to teach. And if crying to hug and regret.

Because she's a mother, she makes the difficult, thankless, useful work in the world. Work that is not paid for, not praise, not promoted, not given incentives. A work in which a lot of failures and downs and too rarely seem to have achieved something.

You can not even praise, I guess. Not to help, not entertain other people's children, not to play with them, speak good words.

Just don't push you around at every step. Will already be a great relief. published


Author: Irina Lukyanova


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©



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