The most complex relationship in the world – this is not a love connection. Problem of all times has always been, and probably will remain, the conflict of parents and children, which reaches its peak at the moment when the child moves into the older teenage group.
At that point, any communication that once was between the children and their moms and dads, miraculously erased, and the family begins the confrontation, which can lead to a simple quarrels at best, at worst — to a split in the family.
To avoid intensity only trying to understand the child, despite the fact, whether we agree with his or her actions. To make this easier, we offer you 4 points that you, as parents, need to remember and accept.
"If I am silent, it doesn't mean that something is not right,"
The silence of the child is one of the biggest challenges for a parent. Looking back on his childhood, each of us must remember a lot of situations where we just didn't share experiences, or have been so wrapped up in personal drama that remained deaf to the problems of the parents.
Most often, they then, just as we have today, this attitude has caused panic and outrage, because our brain inevitably draws out the worst. There is a solution – leave the kids alone. They can be uninteresting our experiences and stories, because they're all in their own world, and it should be accepted. The time will come and everything will change, but not now.
"Not only do you affect me"
Your baby will remain a baby, but only for you. In fact, since, as a child first comes out to walk by himself, you cease to be the sole source of experience, now is the whole world. And whatever decision is taken by the teenager – it's his decision, and you should not even have to respect it.
It happens, that is often happens so that parents do not agree with the choice of the child, sometimes they think it is wrong, sometimes get offended, don't participate in the process, sometimes you just don't understand, but nevertheless to respect it you must. The only way to raise a man who will care about experiences, emotions and opinions of others.
"I'm trying to understand the world on the basis of its experience, give me time"
You waited patiently for the first word and first step, pored over the letters first, so why a particular preference immediately causes resentment? What's going on inside a person with 14 years? His soul and heart still open to the world and absorb everything like a sponge.
Give the child time to self-filter through everything and figure out what fits, and what you should discard. He will make the right choice, and the one that is already obvious to you, but he must come to it himself, otherwise, he will feel that you are imposing on him a particular idea. And this rebellious nature will not tolerate and will choose the opposite.
"I love you and look up to you even more than you think"
Even if you are constantly at odds, even if your child is the most difficult period, and even when you think all is lost, you forget one thing – that since the childhood the kid builds everything around that, what it sees parents. Even when impulsively you hear about hate – it's not what it seems.
It hurts, Yes, but it will hurt the child because parents are the people whose image and model of behavior laid down in his subconscious, and believe me, when the time comes, face the difficult choice he will think about how you would have done.published
To be a mother...How not to raise children: a 10 "not" Yulia Gippenreiter
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©