56
The Terror of Adoration: What is a Love Bombardment
According to psychologists, manipulation can look like a manifestation of interest and even tenderness. This technique is called “love bombing”. It is used to gain control over someone else’s will or even finances. Today we will talk about the technique of “love bombing”, which is used by recruiters of various sects, as well as sociopaths and narcissists.
The term “love bombardment” describes a situation where a person is literally flooded with manifestations of love, not allowing him to breathe calmly, but because it allows him to exert a strong influence.
This technique is somewhat reminiscent of trying to give the client a loan in the bank, only in this case the victim has to pay with personal time and space. From the outside, such increased attention may look like a sincere and uncontrollable flow of feelings, but, in fact, it is a way to very quickly gain trust, not allowing a person to critically think about the situation, and subsequently manipulate it.
“Love bombardment” is often used by sociopaths and narcissists (in particular, a variety of narcissists, which the French psychiatrist Marie-France Yriguayen calls a “pervert narcissist”), as well as sects.
The "love terrorist" achieves his goal by the following means:
A person who has been love bombarded feels admired, cared for, accepted and understood. At the same time, his personal boundaries begin to blur, he discovers that a new partner (a new group of friends) begins to fill his entire life and influence his opinion.
It is important for the aggressors to continue communication at a high pace so that their victims do not have time to digest what is happening and notice only a pleasantly elevated emotional background and a demonstration of sympathy towards them.
A “love terrorist” can talk on the phone for seven hours, besiege a partner in chat programs, send an infinite number of gentle messages and emails – however, not to the point of getting bored, because a skilled manipulator subtly feels the state of the “ward”. In fact, the person who communicates with them receives the following message:
All this allows you to gain control over the personality. A person who succumbs to the charm of a manipulator is “on a short leash” – first, it becomes difficult for him to distinguish what he wants himself and what a partner / new friend / company of friends wants from him, and secondly, he is already hooked on a cocktail of positive emotions – and he can be controlled, rewarding love for “right” actions and punishing with cooling for “wrong”.
The concept itself was born in a sectarian environment. The phrase “love bombing” was first used in 1978 in a speech by the Korean founder of the so-called Unification Church, Moon Song Myung. Speaking to the audience in London, he said:
“The walls here are tired of your gloomy faces. They wait until they see the Unification Church smiling all the time, even at four in the morning. A person who is filled with love should live this way. What face can express love better than the face on which a smile burns? That's why we talk about "love bombardment"; the Moonies have this beautiful task.
The sect brought Moon Song Myung big money: his family owns many companies, concerns, publishing houses, clinics, firms and holdings. Such financial schemes are usually based onmanipulating feelings of lonelinessThat’s why the bombing is “love.” Deborah Davis, the daughter of the founder of another cult called Family International, explains this in her book The Children of God: The Inside Story:
In fact, many lost, lonely teenagers didn’t so much want to find Christ as they wanted to stumble across. Our “love bombardment” tactics allowed them to hit exactly where they were most vulnerable. We welcomed people without comment and offered them something they had never had: a home where they were loved and accepted. Sociopaths and perverted narcissists are also more likely to choose people who are open-minded and those who feel lonely. After all, if a person has a strong need for attention and positive experiences associated with communication, they can be controlled by giving them what they want, under certain conditions.
In the scientific community, the first popularizer of the term “love bombardment” was a clinical psychologist, Professor Margaret Singer, who in 1996 published the book “Cults among us”.
"Love bombing," Margaret writes, "is carried out in a coordinated, universal effort, usually under the leadership of a leader." The attack involves flattery, verbal seduction, amorous but usually devoid of erotic touch, and a huge amount of attention to each remark of the beginner. According to the psychologist, "bombing" is "an offer to build warm, intimate relationships instantly" and is a "misleading ploy" whose use often leads to success in recruiting new members of the sect.
The method of communication in this case includes the technique of using close attention, when several people for a long time friendly look at the beginner, sometimes without even blinking. Such attention triggers a surge of hormonal activity in the brain and triggers the reward system, and the same can be seen when you observe the brain’s response to drugs when they form a habit.
As a result, the victim of the bombardment may begin to behave like a person with a drug addiction: spend a lot of money, do not pay attention to children, reduce the volume of relationships with family and friends, lose interest in other aspects of life.
Symptoms of a successful attack Professor Kelton Rhoads, a consultant to governmental, nongovernmental and military organizations in the United States in the field of psychological resistance and the founder of the resource Working Psychology, cites a number of symptoms that indicate that attempts to manipulate are bearing fruit:
1) Identity change. If a person’s family and friends say that they “do not look like themselves” or do not recognize them, this is a signal that someone is building a new identity for them.
2) A dramatic change in values and beliefs. It is natural for a person to change his views during life, but normally this process is quite slow and does not look radical.
(3) Sudden change of diet and sleep.
(4) Refusal to attend family events and meetings.
(5) Inability to make a decision, without consulting a guru, leader, or romantic partner.
(6) The sudden emergence of the habit of using a new ideology to explain any phenomena.
7) Simplified, “black and white” or irrational thinking.
(8) New vocabulary; The habit of using complex internal jargon.
(9) Requirements to follow the new ideology to others. Recruitment is one of the tasks of new members of the sect.
How to Resist “Love Bombardment” The main danger of pre-programmed situations, which arise as a result of “love bombardment”, is that a person can temporarily forget who he is and what feelings and experiences he has – in addition to the feelings, experiences and roles that are imposed on him from the outside.
To cope with the psychological pressures, Professor Kelton Rhoads advises remembering the following things:
1. Any display of attention or compliment from a "love terrorist," Whether their partner deserves them or not, they are being manipulated. You have to look at him in a real light: he doesn’t know you.
2. It is impossible to say with certainty whether someone will become a suitable partner, friend or companion. In order to find out, it is necessary to check relationships in various situations; in addition, it takes time. All assurances to the contrary are not based on anything and are made only in order for the partner of the “love terrorist” to give him “credit” in the relationship.
3. Healthy relationships develop slowly, whether it is friendship or love. You can’t allow a terrorist to force events: agree to frequent meetings, let new acquaintances into the house, answer every call or letter.
4. You need to know how much time you spend with family and friends. If contact with them suddenly decreased, it is a signal that you have succumbed to manipulation.
5. You can’t let a terrorist touch you: hug, stroke, touch, kiss, and respond to his gaze. All of these actions trigger certain reactions in the brain: pleasure that will be used for manipulation.
6. It is possible (and desirable) to seek help from a psychologist or therapist. If a person is faced with an individual who does not belong to any cult, perhaps he is a sociopath or a perverted narcissist who acts this way because of the peculiarities of the psyche inherent in these disorders - the desire to dominate others and the inability to build normal human relationships. If pressure is exerted by a member of a sect, his goal is to make a fellow communicator part of it, gain control over his lifestyle and take possession of his property.
Mikhail Litvak: In reality, marriage often turns into hell.
The Way of the Heart: Living Pain, Risking Being Alive
7. If a person has experienced “love bombardment” by a member of an organization, they may ask themselves a few simple questions. In order to determine whether its impact will be negative:
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: theoryandpractice.ru/posts/11418-love-bombing? utm_medium=search&utm_source=tnp
The term “love bombardment” describes a situation where a person is literally flooded with manifestations of love, not allowing him to breathe calmly, but because it allows him to exert a strong influence.
This technique is somewhat reminiscent of trying to give the client a loan in the bank, only in this case the victim has to pay with personal time and space. From the outside, such increased attention may look like a sincere and uncontrollable flow of feelings, but, in fact, it is a way to very quickly gain trust, not allowing a person to critically think about the situation, and subsequently manipulate it.
“Love bombardment” is often used by sociopaths and narcissists (in particular, a variety of narcissists, which the French psychiatrist Marie-France Yriguayen calls a “pervert narcissist”), as well as sects.
The "love terrorist" achieves his goal by the following means:
- He does not give his victim time to think about what is happening.
- Does not allow to spend time with others, tries to isolate the victim from other possible sources of influence.
- In the case of a romantic relationship, the relationship develops very quickly, takes important steps before the partner is ready for them.
A person who has been love bombarded feels admired, cared for, accepted and understood. At the same time, his personal boundaries begin to blur, he discovers that a new partner (a new group of friends) begins to fill his entire life and influence his opinion.
It is important for the aggressors to continue communication at a high pace so that their victims do not have time to digest what is happening and notice only a pleasantly elevated emotional background and a demonstration of sympathy towards them.
A “love terrorist” can talk on the phone for seven hours, besiege a partner in chat programs, send an infinite number of gentle messages and emails – however, not to the point of getting bored, because a skilled manipulator subtly feels the state of the “ward”. In fact, the person who communicates with them receives the following message:
- "He (she) adores me,"
- “He (she) is very similar to me, we have a lot in common.”
- “We’ve known each other a lot longer than we really do.”
All this allows you to gain control over the personality. A person who succumbs to the charm of a manipulator is “on a short leash” – first, it becomes difficult for him to distinguish what he wants himself and what a partner / new friend / company of friends wants from him, and secondly, he is already hooked on a cocktail of positive emotions – and he can be controlled, rewarding love for “right” actions and punishing with cooling for “wrong”.
The concept itself was born in a sectarian environment. The phrase “love bombing” was first used in 1978 in a speech by the Korean founder of the so-called Unification Church, Moon Song Myung. Speaking to the audience in London, he said:
“The walls here are tired of your gloomy faces. They wait until they see the Unification Church smiling all the time, even at four in the morning. A person who is filled with love should live this way. What face can express love better than the face on which a smile burns? That's why we talk about "love bombardment"; the Moonies have this beautiful task.
The sect brought Moon Song Myung big money: his family owns many companies, concerns, publishing houses, clinics, firms and holdings. Such financial schemes are usually based onmanipulating feelings of lonelinessThat’s why the bombing is “love.” Deborah Davis, the daughter of the founder of another cult called Family International, explains this in her book The Children of God: The Inside Story:
In fact, many lost, lonely teenagers didn’t so much want to find Christ as they wanted to stumble across. Our “love bombardment” tactics allowed them to hit exactly where they were most vulnerable. We welcomed people without comment and offered them something they had never had: a home where they were loved and accepted. Sociopaths and perverted narcissists are also more likely to choose people who are open-minded and those who feel lonely. After all, if a person has a strong need for attention and positive experiences associated with communication, they can be controlled by giving them what they want, under certain conditions.
In the scientific community, the first popularizer of the term “love bombardment” was a clinical psychologist, Professor Margaret Singer, who in 1996 published the book “Cults among us”.
"Love bombing," Margaret writes, "is carried out in a coordinated, universal effort, usually under the leadership of a leader." The attack involves flattery, verbal seduction, amorous but usually devoid of erotic touch, and a huge amount of attention to each remark of the beginner. According to the psychologist, "bombing" is "an offer to build warm, intimate relationships instantly" and is a "misleading ploy" whose use often leads to success in recruiting new members of the sect.
The method of communication in this case includes the technique of using close attention, when several people for a long time friendly look at the beginner, sometimes without even blinking. Such attention triggers a surge of hormonal activity in the brain and triggers the reward system, and the same can be seen when you observe the brain’s response to drugs when they form a habit.
As a result, the victim of the bombardment may begin to behave like a person with a drug addiction: spend a lot of money, do not pay attention to children, reduce the volume of relationships with family and friends, lose interest in other aspects of life.
Symptoms of a successful attack Professor Kelton Rhoads, a consultant to governmental, nongovernmental and military organizations in the United States in the field of psychological resistance and the founder of the resource Working Psychology, cites a number of symptoms that indicate that attempts to manipulate are bearing fruit:
1) Identity change. If a person’s family and friends say that they “do not look like themselves” or do not recognize them, this is a signal that someone is building a new identity for them.
2) A dramatic change in values and beliefs. It is natural for a person to change his views during life, but normally this process is quite slow and does not look radical.
(3) Sudden change of diet and sleep.
(4) Refusal to attend family events and meetings.
(5) Inability to make a decision, without consulting a guru, leader, or romantic partner.
(6) The sudden emergence of the habit of using a new ideology to explain any phenomena.
7) Simplified, “black and white” or irrational thinking.
(8) New vocabulary; The habit of using complex internal jargon.
(9) Requirements to follow the new ideology to others. Recruitment is one of the tasks of new members of the sect.
How to Resist “Love Bombardment” The main danger of pre-programmed situations, which arise as a result of “love bombardment”, is that a person can temporarily forget who he is and what feelings and experiences he has – in addition to the feelings, experiences and roles that are imposed on him from the outside.
To cope with the psychological pressures, Professor Kelton Rhoads advises remembering the following things:
1. Any display of attention or compliment from a "love terrorist," Whether their partner deserves them or not, they are being manipulated. You have to look at him in a real light: he doesn’t know you.
2. It is impossible to say with certainty whether someone will become a suitable partner, friend or companion. In order to find out, it is necessary to check relationships in various situations; in addition, it takes time. All assurances to the contrary are not based on anything and are made only in order for the partner of the “love terrorist” to give him “credit” in the relationship.
3. Healthy relationships develop slowly, whether it is friendship or love. You can’t allow a terrorist to force events: agree to frequent meetings, let new acquaintances into the house, answer every call or letter.
4. You need to know how much time you spend with family and friends. If contact with them suddenly decreased, it is a signal that you have succumbed to manipulation.
5. You can’t let a terrorist touch you: hug, stroke, touch, kiss, and respond to his gaze. All of these actions trigger certain reactions in the brain: pleasure that will be used for manipulation.
6. It is possible (and desirable) to seek help from a psychologist or therapist. If a person is faced with an individual who does not belong to any cult, perhaps he is a sociopath or a perverted narcissist who acts this way because of the peculiarities of the psyche inherent in these disorders - the desire to dominate others and the inability to build normal human relationships. If pressure is exerted by a member of a sect, his goal is to make a fellow communicator part of it, gain control over his lifestyle and take possession of his property.
Mikhail Litvak: In reality, marriage often turns into hell.
The Way of the Heart: Living Pain, Risking Being Alive
7. If a person has experienced “love bombardment” by a member of an organization, they may ask themselves a few simple questions. In order to determine whether its impact will be negative:
- What does the past of the leader of the organization look like? Are there any criminal elements in it? Management in such communities is often organized at a highly professional level. Its leaders may have experience in trading, sometimes illegal.
- What structure governs the organization? Destructive commercial sects are usually organized on the principle of a pyramid scheme.
- Does the organization use any tricks, tricks and tricks when recruiting? Many influential sects have "window organizations" that, at first glance, have nothing in common with them. These can be NGOs, public associations or foundations. They also recruit new members of the sect.
- Are they trying to recruit me? This is not always the case, as recruiters openly deny recruitment within some associations. However, the use of "love bombardment" in particular speaks directly of it. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: theoryandpractice.ru/posts/11418-love-bombing? utm_medium=search&utm_source=tnp
