Charging for empathy

Development of empathy begins with two simple things.

We must understand that 1) people are selfish, 2) it's ok.

There will be no empathy in you, if you think the other person is communicating with you thinking of your best interests, not their own. He thinks of her, and if you want to become an empath, you must take this into account, you should deliberately break away from their own interests and to the look of its interests, not yours, and it, without taking into account your.

Also, you will not have empathy, if you resent the fact that your interests a person does not think he needs an effort to understand your interests, and most people are not making efforts. The perturbation of this fact will create in you an antipathy to the people, and you need sympathy to empathy.




You need to see someone else's selfishness, to treat it with humor and understanding, but their selfishness clean for a while, to see the other person's interests.

Moreover, if your interests are at odds with the person, you are competitors, or opponents in any fight, you will even benefit from his selfishness. Good thing he does not have empathy. So you have a weapon, which he does not. And you stronger.

That is, from a philosophical point of view, all people need to develop empathy, humanity will benefit from this. But in terms of your short-term, small, practical benefits, alien egoism - in your favor. So is it worth to resent?

Resent someone else's selfishness only selfish, do not realize the extent of his selfishness. The rest belong to the normal. They know that they themselves are selfish any more, that they have to specifically change the focus of view, to imagine how the world looks from the other person's eyes, the world, the center of which they did not, and he.

The ability to put yourself in the place of another - Skill

. See how most people understand it. Wrong.

For example, a man and a woman meet at a restaurant. Dinner and then he offered to go to him. The woman said that "not ready" as it is found in women. All for some reason, the word is spoken, offer to cook them, apparently.

Man puts himself in the place of a woman and thinks. "Do I have devoured over someone's account and said he was not ready? No, I would not have to drink a lot and if it was going to break off a person at the end of the evening, to let him know that it is not ready from the start. »

Empathy men are missing out on something that is not itself put on a woman's place, and realize that the woman perceives sex anyway and sees differently than he himself. But suppose a man crazy enough to understand that a woman affect any other rules, not his. He thinks: "Well, it breaks down, because he wants to show that it is decent, wants to please me»

. Have you noticed a bug empathy? Even realizing that the woman feels differently, he is still convinced that in the center of her world is worth it and all its aspirations gathered around him, to please him, to draw him.

If such a person to explain what a woman is thinking about it at the last turn, he immediately disappointed in the woman. He was offended that she mercantile selfish, that sits and thinks, "What can he give me? Why would I? Why he and not Peter, who I met here yesterday? "" Prostitute ". Here is what people think of this without empathy. He did not even refleksiruet that sits and thinks the same thing as if she needed me, Masha can best be fed

? From the moment when this man will understand that a woman in the head - her interests, ordinary, material and selfish, that is, she thinks, correctly spends time without losing any thing, get it enough use, enjoyment, will rise if it self-esteem (she calls it a "mood"), or fall, whether it will infect it with something, in general, it sits and evaluates it, it will begin to develop empathy.

The more positive it will look at the fact selfish woman, the better he will be able to understand and to imagine what she wants. But knowing what she wants, he can give some of this, partly hint that will give, but otherwise just keep in mind. He will not believe that it is occupied only in order to please him. A lot of it and think. In words, they agree that all their interests. But these are empty words. How comes down to it, they are that busy people to meet their needs, not their own.

Some say "in someone else's head will not climb." What do you mean, it's very easy. Suffice it a little to get out of their own, where people entrenched in fortress.

Man thinks, "how would feel on a horse." Woman thinks "like feel on a horse." Man thinks, "no matter how regret about the spent money at dinner." Woman thinks "as it does not regret the money spent on the taxi in which I came because stud got on».

Man thinks, "as if to make it clear that I do not huhry-muhry". Woman thinks the same. And both think that to get into someone else's head is not possible, there is something incredibly different, and when trying to take the place of other people think again about themselves. Look at yourself through the eyes of the man and admire him, or disadvantages notice everything, even small ones. "Oh, he sees that the roots of my hair for a long time did not crash».

Yes he may see, though unlikely, but it is a hundred times more important than how it looks in their eyes, and it is and how it will be able to decorate themselves. Therefore, it is important to the hair roots, perhaps, but one should not think that a person is entirely absorbed by careful study you. Is he an empath.

If you want to become an empath, you must master three skills:

1. be able to disconnect from their interests at a time,

2. be able to take people such as it is, even with the indifferent attitude to you,

3. learn to move in the other person to feel them.

The most exciting and mysterious - the third, but without the first and second third will never succeed. And after the first and second turns out quite easily.

Three puzzles you about the predators. Predators one tool, by and large, their empathy. And one goal - self-centeredness of the victims. Had their empathy victims at least partially developed, they would not become victims. Predators (people) disappear as a species, when will develop better empathy in humans.

Problem 1.

Vyacheslav waited Olu at the airport. It was her first arrival from Siberia. She begged him not to meet her, was going to take things to her friend, who lived in Moscow, but Vyacheslav decided that she wants to freshen up after the plane, and he is afraid to be strained. He met her and was looking forward to, as it is now surprised to see him with a bouquet of roses.

But Olga was not surprised. She silently handed him the suitcase, and when he tried to kiss her, ducked. Vyacheslav thought it was due to the fact that she does not brush your teeth. When they got into the car, Olga became something actively to write off the phone. Vyacheslav asked to whom she writes. She said that her friend. Then he added that his men also writes that made it okay. In Vyacheslav a bad mood, he ceased to molest her and drove in silence.

When they reached the house, Vyacheslav have doubted whether it was a good idea - to invite Olga. She was very gloomy and all the way looking out the window. Perhaps it will break now, to say that he wanted to take a shower, then says he wants to sleep, and then say that a man is guilty before his longing ... Do I have all this to him? But when they entered the apartment, Olga suddenly rushed into his arms. She was shaking, she was dressed in some incredible excitement, face and her body burned. She said that in a panic from what threw everything broke everything and come, knowing that he is not serious, but I could not fight with him, too wanted.

Vyacheslav said later that it really hit something on the head at this point, and he does not remember what happened next. I only remember that never before was the best sex of his life than at that time. So gracefully Olya made sexual imprinting, understanding expectations Vyacheslav, and at first, and then, beating everything, and emerged an unexpected shower of light in the center of his mind.

How would act on the ground fisherman Vyacheslav? What is his fault?

Problem 2.

Jan and Alex met after separation. Yang has long lived with his friend, then another wealthy man, and Alex lived with his wife, but as soon as Ian wrote that really misses him, soon went to her rest. However, he no longer trusted her and was not going to be caught on its hook, as he said. He said that he would hold for five days, "close gestalt" and return to his wife. He was sure that the way he is rehabilitated and restore samoouvazhenie. Not Ian left him, and he will throw it a little, "he borrowed" her goodbye. It was set up to look at it from above, and cynical. In the end it is very guilty, and she to him, "crawled».

However, the first day he noticed that the top and cynicism does not come out. Recently, many times he recalled Ian and came to the conclusion that there was nothing good in it, all that he himself invented. And now he saw that nothing came up, it is still very much like him, and hurt him by her betrayal. He got drunk and made her all in a rude manner. In response, Yang said, divorce and get married, I love you, you did not marry me. Alexei was surprised, he did not expect Ian to say so simply and quickly. Hatred and anger he immediately disappeared. He said that we should think about it, if he could trust her, but then relaxed and decided to put aside all thoughts for five days.

Five days were fine. He embodied all their desires, which were saved in it annually. About the future we are not talking anymore. They returned to Moscow and Alex felt like a winner. He thought he could no longer write Yana, as if he refused to marry, and she offered. Suppose she writes, if he wants to.

Jan did not write it. But Alex soon began to write. Holidays are not closed no gestalt, but rather refreshed all the impressions of the Yana and gray working everyday life began to seem more Serey. And five days at sea as a miracle. Besides his wife he was hurt, but Alex did not explain anything, because I thought that she should be grateful that he gave to Jan for the family and refused to marry.

When he got in touch and asked where she had gone, Ian said that in his eyes at the airport read that he wants to leave it and decided it was his decision. Then again, Alex began to run after Jana and convince her that they should be together, groveling and giving her gifts, then insulting her. Every time he tries to pull himself together and do not write, but wrote again, trying to figure out her relationship. "I just need to understand that in her head," - said Alexey

. How to read the eyes of Jan? And what bugs Alexis? Where it is lame empathy?

Task 3.

You will interfere with problems in empathy in some situations? It was possible then to put yourself in the place of man and understand his errors?

Author: Marina Komissarova