The best way to ruin any relationship

Here it is: "Do you want to quickly spoil relations - be always and all unhappy." And now let's deal. < Website published a remarkable article in which a family psychologist Paul Zygmantovich tells you how to avoid the terrible trap of constant mutual claims.

Workshop for obuchayuschihsyaPredpolozhim wife cooked soup and borscht, in general, it is delicious. What you need to do to spoil the relationship? < It should be said in passing, as it were: "That's why you have so little meat again put? I told you a thousand times that you need to put more meat! ».

Now an example for women. Here's husband went to the store, brought not quite what you ordered. For example, take the brand of coffee you like, but not the roasting (for example, instead of a strong middle). What do you say to spoil the relationship? And this: "Thank you, of course, but why do I never listen to? We had another!. »

And if in both cases the accused or to add a little grumpy notok - the relationship will be spoiled guaranteed. Well, no relation, but the evening - exactly. And if you mess up many evenings - and eventually spoil relations

How it works? All unpleasant to live next to someone who finds fault, accuses and reproaches. Or, as I like to say, does not create a safe and fertile ground.

At some point you to run away. Hooray, the trick is done.

The lesson is over, the money to the cashier.

Analyze This! Probably to look more "deep", I should embark on in-depth analysis of this behavior. For example, say that the root of all evils - difficult childhood, which makes a person all the time complain

. But let me give a simple view of eternal discontent and grumbling -. It is a bad habit, like picking your nose or nibble nails

. The source of this habit - the dichotomy of thinking. Quite simply, this is called black-and-white thinking. The essence of the phenomenon is simple - if something is not white, it - black. Gaps not happen at all. If a man made a rubbish yesterday, as promised, and this morning - it's definitely bad. After all, if at all it is not necessary, if not yesterday. Typical dichotomization thinking.

That wife parked the second time. But the second - not at first. So - it is bad. If it is not white -. It means black

It treated itself a tendency to dichotomization - most likely, biological property of the person In a certain context, it is useful.. If the fruit is not fully ripe, it is best not to eat - poisoned. But there are few contexts, and dichotomization often hurts than helps.

Its possible biological origin does not mean that it is invincible. Man is distinguished from the animal, that the biological we are not so strong, and it is subject to reason. For example, the desire for life is quite a subordinate ideals. And then, for example, Talalikhin (1941) goes to the ram in the night sky of Moscow, and uladzimir karvat (1996), and Marfitsky Zhuravlevich (2009) is removed from the aircraft falling buildings with people.

The whole of human history is full of examples of the superiority of the mind (or, if you will, the spirit) of the biological. You can still remember, for example, the liquidators of the Chernobyl accident.

So there is, there is the possibility of a person to transcend biological inclinations.

What you need to overcome the tendency to dichotomization? In fact, a trifle - all the time to remember that the situation is extremely rarely black and white, there is always a continuum. And the ideal solution with a disgusting decision are merely its poles and more. Between the poles still have any intermediate points.

Yes, even today, not everything turned out perfectly. Let a little meat, coffee roasting wrong - but the meat is still there, and the coffee you can drink. So, there is no reason for the abundant negative

Nonideal decision -. All the same decision. And it is precisely the best solutions disgusting.

If you think about it more often, a bad habit to be all, and always dissatisfied will weaken. The more are exercising, the faster it weakens.

And with you - that's a great bonus! - All the more enjoyable and pleasant to live

. So I recommend again to reread the note, write down the main points and currently apply, apply, apply. and you get rid of the bad habit of discontent.



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