But still try stoit
We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, and thus what seems to us the dignity, can turn into a disadvantage in the eyes of others. Some features of our personality, such as arrogance or jealousy, it is very difficult to overcome, but you can always find the strength to solve the problem.
1. Inability to say "no"
Problem: One of the most common traits that we see in other people every day - is the inability to say "no", even if it is the case that will ruin their lives. How many of us have such a contact phone that will make you sёzhitsya once appears on the screen? Anyone who is so ugly that you have put on record his tune your cry, "Do not you dare answer! Burn your phone and run out of here! "But you're still in charge, and before he will go to the request, you have opened your bank account, calculator and calendar.
There is nothing wrong with people who ask for help, and when you are offering help, you too not bad, but there are people that crop up only when they need help. They did not call to see how you were doing, or drop by for a visit. They can start to talk about it, but it's only warm-up, you need to soften you before you ask the big question. "Hey, while you're here, I heard what happened to me? I led my truck across the lake for the charity, and my purse flew out of my pocket, and shot him goose hunter. So I do not have the cash until your next payday. Could you give me my money by Friday? »
From time to time you find yourself sag under their request. Even when you say to yourself that you need to come and tell them that they should go to someone else, you will still succumb. And there's nothing you can do about it. You're a good man, and if you have the opportunity to help them, who are you to refuse them?
Why is it so hard to fix it: People who have been victims of such a situation, usually do not like conflict. Or, more precisely, they avoid confrontation like vampires avoid sunlight and hot wood. Unfortunately, the only way to solve the problem - it is an honest conversation with the people who use it.
If you want to stop it, you have to let them know that they can not call you only if they from you need something. This is not friendship, and government grants. This applies not only to requests for money. Many people call only when they have an emotional crisis. It's great to have friends who will support you at any time, but the relationship must not be based entirely on this.
Take it pretty hard. Many people are so afraid of conflict that they never try to do it by choosing to be ready to find a way out of other people's disasters. Just know that those who use you, will never happen enlightenment and they never say, "I'm sorry I used you for all these years. What a fool I was! Here's a million dollars in a sign of reconciliation ».
2. Defensive pozitsiya
Problem: C protects people very difficult to deal with. I'm not talking about people who use protective mechanisms, being in a bad situation. There were times when you had to stand in front of the chief and say, "No, I did not spank your son. Yes, I would really like it to, but I did not do it. " We are talking about people who have even the slightest criticism met in full armor.
Your supervisor politely remind you that the report should be ready by 16:00, and you say, "I know! I'm working on it all day. Every time you assign me responsible for the project, you behave as if I save it to the last minute. I do not sit here all day playing video games! "Or maybe your spouse tell you the small bugs, and instead to fix it and move on, you say that you were not careful, because you had a bad day ... and then describe all the bad things that led to the error. It did not depend on you. Everything again went against you.
Why is it so hard to fix it: It is very difficult to overcome, because the abandonment of a defensive position leaves you open and vulnerable. It makes you take responsibility for mistakes or do not meet the expectations. It is, by definition, remedy almost any negative situation.
The only thing that can lead to progress - is a conscious suppression of desire to jump into the mood when your ego and brain cry about it. But it will have to consider the source. No need to politely listen to criticism passerby, but if you criticize someone, someone you respect and trust, tell your brain to shut up and listen to what you want to say.
It's not so easy to do: to protect people any criticism or even friendly advice sounds like the attack. This change may require years of training, but it's worth it. People will be much more pleasant to chat with you when you stop to answer every question, "Why do you hate me?»
Problem: Being among strangers, we most often be polite, quiet and behave just as respectful to him as they are to us. On the Internet, we can turn a funny caricature of arrogance. Unapproachable dictators, reward those who follow our arbitrary rules and punish those who dare to oppose. In other words, send them to the banks.
The Internet is much easier to send someone in the ass, because you are not connected with this man. Yes, the same thing can be done in the real world, but when you do it, you at least look the person in the eye and physically dodge his fist. Even on the phone you are associated with a person through the voice, and send it out loud it becomes more difficult than just print a message on the keyboard.
The most common form taken by arrogance - this indulgence, especially if we talk about intelligence. The Twitter to see the phrase "I hate stupid people" can meet at least twice a day. Most often, the number of tweets coming to six per day. And they are written by people that are not in the least do not consider themselves to be arrogant. This is one of the biggest problems with arrogance: it can only be seen from the side - that's why Skryudzh never seen him without the help of ghosts.
Why is it so hard to fix it: There is one thing that may help - it is an understanding that there is a world of people who have overshadowed his intelligence, wisdom, and all aspects of their lives. In other words, we are not so special, how we think. Another thing that should be remembered is that, yes, in the world there are really stupid people. And this is not our concern, or the right to evaluate them according to the same standards on how we evaluate ourselves and our closest friends. They do not deserve to be punished for the fact that they can not maintain a conversation about astronomy or because they have no sense of humor.
Humility - it's not something that you get an easy decision to take it. This state of consciousness, and it requires a huge amount of correct thinking and empathy. It requires you to emotionally open and communicate with different people. Few arrogant people want to go for it, because they believe the other below it. Leave them together at a party and they proobschalis overnight. But invite them to a private conversation, and they begin to feel sick from you.
4. The need for kontrole
The problem: In our life all have their understanding of how to do anything. We put the clothes in a certain way, hang it in the closet in a certain order, we arrange symmetrically trinkets and so on. This is a private matter, and if someone has so little "rules", the man wants to control the situation in accordance with them, otherwise it can drive him crazy.
Things get bad when a perfectionist brings their habits on the other person, and does not accept or conduct work other than his standards. In this case, it becomes the lover to command. "This fanfic about Darth Vader is not the same erotic, what can be. You do not go to school and going to rewrite it until it does not excite me to the second page of the ».
We've all met people like that. Her husband, who takes away the brush from his wife and says, "Lord, just let me do it. If I let you paint, we did not finish the living room until next spring. " His wife, who complains: "You're not going to wear it in public. Go put on a decent pants that I bought you. And if you once again spoil the air in the restaurant, we immediately go home and I'll put that terrible, "do not touch me" pajamas ».
Why is it so hard to fix it: Each of our business takes time, so if somebody does it with us, we want him to do it the way we do. Well, or correct what has already been done by someone else, in his own way. Even when a person simply helps us.
To solve this problem helps to realize that if we are going to redo everything, it will look ungrateful, and human help will be unrated. Our actions will be perceived by others as punishment. But it is wrong - no one is punished for good deeds. Otherwise it is some kind of "Game of Thrones" is obtained.
The only way out of this situation - is to enable people to do something completely without your participation. We'll have to convince yourself that the intervention without permission or an invitation to other people's business - the invasion of foreign territory. Obviously, you can not do it without discussion, or become a goat in the eyes of others.
Failure of the control - it's like to replace the rescue team the only person who has to catch you when you fall. It requires immense trust and understanding that he can do the job well without your presence. Keep in mind that we are talking about actions. Control rights - it is much more serious problem that may require professional help or complete rupture of relations. By the way ...
Problem: Jealousy - this is the most horrible and destructive personality trait, which can be represented. It is hard to name a feature, rather it is a scar. There are so many things that need to be corrected, that it is hard to know where to start. The problem is very twisted around issues of trust, control, fear, addiction, anger ... it's a lot like trying to change the course of the river, digging her spoon Beach.
Why is it so hard to fix it: Unless you added to your relationship murder or persecution, you are not to blame. Your partner may have a problem with jealousy, long before you came into his life. But you also need to understand that if you can no longer stay with this man, for it will be very difficult to go through it.
To solve this problem, you need to learn to trust others and truly understand that when your partner disappears from view, he or she does not sleep with the entire population of the city. Do not chase and cause him or her pain - this is what you can do. And the implementation of the requirements of the jealous partner (call every half an hour, let's check the phone) just shows that their actions are allegedly acceptable. No, not really.
For people who are struggling with their own bouts of jealousy. If your significant other gives you a legitimate reason to distrust, it may not be your man. But if not, you owe yourself and your partner to change. And we assume that this man - and your partner person and does not deserve to be a prisoner in a cage of your uncertainty. The same goes for you. You will leave a lot of time before you learn to trust, but it's worth it.