“You just broke your child. Well done! The cry of the soul of a single father blew up the Internet!

The articles by programmer and single father Dan Pearce, which he publishes on his blog, are well-deservedly popular with the public due to their good syllable, calm humor and a wide range of topics - from social trends to parenting duties and human relationships. This same post-request, post-request, very uncharacteristic for him and very different from the others in tone and content, literally blew up the Internet! What's wrong with fathers all over the world, according to Dan?

Fathers. Stop breaking your kids. Please.

After the shop scene I witnessed yesterday, I had to write this article. Please read it from and to. The article is riddled with despair and anger — for which I apologize — but it was necessary to speak out. This should be shared and everyone should read it.

My son and I were standing in line when I saw a boy, about six years old, shyly turn to his father, asking him to buy ice cream on the way home. The father measured it with his eyes and threw it through his teeth, so that the baby “unwinded and closed his mouth.” The child quickly hit the wall and fell silent.

The queue gradually moved forward, and the boy eventually approached his father again, purring some childish song, as if forgetting about the recent anger of his parent. The father again turned to the child, only to scold him for the noise. The boy again snicked and hit the wall.

I was disturbed and puzzled by this situation. How could this man not see what I saw? How could he not see the child again and again? Why was he in such a hurry to cut down his own son’s feelings? Why didn't this dad appreciate that glorious time when he could be the most important person in the world to a child?

There were three of us in line when the boy went back to his father. This time, the father, instantly leaving the queue, squeezed his son’s collarbone with the force until he shriveled in pain, and threatened him: “If you twitch or squeak, you will get it at home!” The baby hit the wall again. This time he was no longer making noise or moving. He is a snicker, his beautiful baby face bent to the floor and lost all expression. He broke down, just like Dad wanted. Breaking a child was easier than messing with it.

And then we think, why do so many children go downhill?

I'll be harsh. After witnessing our relationship with my son, people often sing praises to me as a father who loves his son more than other fathers of their children. Damn it, I didn't understand it before, I can't understand it! Loving your son, raising him, touching him, playing with him, just being with him... that’s NOT a super dad job! This is what every father should do. Always. No problem. There is nothing surprising about me - I am just a father who loves his son and will do everything possible for his health, safety and well-being. I'd rather get a hammer in the finger or a rake in the face than humiliate my son!

I'm far from a perfect father. I'm afraid it will continue. But I am a very, very good father, and my son will always feel that he can overcome any difficulties. Why? Because I already took care of that. I know how important a father is in a child’s life and what he can do to build a child’s confidence. I understand that everything I do or say will be absorbed by the child – for good in the future or for harm. Why some fathers don't get it, that's what I don't understand.

Fathers, I am speaking to you. Don't you get warm when you see your child in the morning or come home from work? Don’t you realize that a child’s entire self-esteem may depend on the facial expressions with which you respond? Do you realize that a child becomes what you call him? If you constantly put the same label on a person, sooner or later he will begin to conform to him. Has your child really just “stupidized in a way I’ve never seen before”? Was it really “the most ridiculous thing you could do?” Do you really believe your child is an idiot? He believes that now. Think about it. He believes what you say. Now applaud your efforts.

Who will believe you, fathers, that it is impossible to take 20 minutes off the TV or computer to play with a child? You need to play with your child every day. What you don't realize is that your son's or daughter's trust in you depends on whether you play with him or not and how you're involved in your overall game. Can you imagine the amount of harm you do to your child just by not playing with them?

Dads. Who should buy into the pitiful excuse that your anger is necessary for the parenting process? Anger is the emotion of those who want to control others but cannot control themselves. Don’t you know that there are a lot of good books and courses that teach you something more? Can you imagine how quickly a child breaks down or, conversely, becomes uncontrollably audacious if he is raised only through anger and anger? Have you become so hardened that you feel nothing when you see how twitchy the child becomes in your presence and how he tries to become invisible? Do you really want your child to be afraid of you?

Do you know how important tactile contact is? Do you know how important the emotional bond between you and your child is to be touched? Do you think that patting a child on the back or stomach before bedtime is a trifle? Not at all. Fathers, wake up! These gentle, freshly formed souls under your care are incredibly sensitive. Every word you say, said or not, every action, done or not done, will leave a certain imprint on their future, affect the inclinations, abilities and success of the child.

Don’t you realize that your children will be wrong? Do you imagine the harm you do to your son when you poke his nose in his poop, or to your daughter when you make her feel like nothing when she just spilled something? Humiliating a child is as easy as saying, "Why did you give up on this?" or "Well, how many times have I told you?" . . ?

I'd like to ask you something else. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a parent whose child has recently died? Crying at the baby's funeral? Have you ever touched a wooden box, knowing that whoever lies inside will never get up and laugh again?

If you need the motivation to be the best parent on earth, here it is. I've been through this, and I pray this never happens to anyone again.

Fathers. It’s time to tell our children that we love them and put that love into practice. Of course, both are repeated. Enjoy their daily million questions, their jokes and whims, facial expressions and mispronounced words, their inability to do things as quickly as we can. Rejoice in all that is inherent in our children. It’s time to learn how to do it, prioritize it and become a real father.

Show your sons how they should behave with women, and your daughters how they should be treated. Find compassion for your child, learn to empathize with him. It is time to break social norms and show children the way of life that a person deserves. Teach the right gender roles, wrong preferences out! What if your son likes pink? Does that hurt anyone? Do you know how painful it is for a child to realize that something is wrong with him because he likes the “wrong” color? Do you realize how much harm we do to girls under the label of “boy” and to boys – “not a man”, and only because they dare to have their own point of view on certain things?! These things don’t really matter!

Fathers. Talk softly and calmly with both sons and daughters. You don’t want your child to have no self-respect or friends, do you? Few people understand that it is parents who should instill a sense of self-esteem in their children, that they are responsible for teaching children the basics of survival in society.

Children see you saying one thing and living a different life. No one thinks that we do not give them an incentive to live according to their desires and interests. Whether it is politics, religion or social norms, children should not be afraid of their preferences or ashamed of them. Parents need to teach children not what they need to think about any issue, but how to think correctly! Only then can we not be afraid of their choices. A person is willing to die for his beliefs, and strangers should only die until they are burned properly.

Damn it, Dad! Every child has an innate right to ice cream without fear of being humiliated and broken! No child should hide in terror and fear who is supposed to be his hero, and he turned out to be just a little man. Every child has an innate right to happiness, laughter, play and fun. Why don’t you give him that right? Every child on earth deserves a father who can think before he speaks, a father who understands what terrible power over someone else’s life he is given, a father who loves a child more than a computer, a television or any other stuff, a father who is willing to sacrifice his time for a child. Everyone deserves a super dad.

Maybe most dads just don't deserve the kids they have.

Perhaps most dads, strictly speaking, do not deserve the very name "father."

I apologize to the readers for the zeal of my post. I guess part of me still feels guilty for being cowardly, for not saying anything to that man in the store. Consider this article my penance. Something inside me thinks that if just one person reads my text and decides to be a better father, it will be well worth it. If this text improves one child’s life, it will be worth asking you to share it with others.

Fathers. Children are gifts. They were not given to us to break them. On the contrary, we have to nurture them, and do it well. Join me and we will show the world that there are actually many good fathers.

Pierce’s thought is really deep and powerful, and it deserves to be seen by as many people as possible. Share this text with friends, pass on the baton of useful and important knowledge!

www.danoah.com/2010/09/you-just-broke-your-child.html