JOKES Astrology: WHO WHAT unclean signs of the zodiac? Bashny.Net

But in every joke there is truth! Find out what you vermin zodiac sign!



Dragon - Aries
(March 21 - April 20)

Unflagging energy of the ruling planets - Mars affects so hard on the poor animal that everyone around him begayuts scorched holes and smell of singed. Therefore, his unquenchable care and attention, Kaki him, it's hard not to notice. Burns all parts of speech, honest and straightforward, but it would be better silent. Dragon impulsive, he should count to the thirtieth think well of each of its head before flying and to create, always keep destroying the base. He did not manage to try on someone else's skin, no skin not nalezet on takuyumasshtabnuyu personality. Therefore, it is creeping, flying, sleeping, and flamethrower self-confidence, pride and exorbitant ultimate truth. An ardent supporter of the dictatorship polite and tactful imposing their own opinions aimed fire, but does not enter the fray pervymv. Each barrel of a massive plug that seeks rukovoditey owner barrels and drink, and barrel. Think globally, on a large scale, highly exaggerating the facts. If the whole head is sick, then by three, if Uel appetite of a knight swears Uel dozen.



Brownie - Taurus
(April 21 - May 21)

If you wound up in the apartment Brownie, do not despair, consider yourself lucky you purchased cheaply Taurus, and gold. Breathe in deeply and do not think about the material breathe, do not ask a stupid question every day: "What happened to the money?" Money, poyavlyayasv house immediately stored in a reliable bank to which you without good prichinyi petition does not reach. Better think of something spiritual, for example, of the soul, because the Brownie, although thoughtful and practical, but evil, and life awaits you restless. Brownie jealous, stubborn, selfish, uncompromising in the debate, so it is better to acquiesce to all. Particularly unenviable situation when you moved with his samovar houses and its previous tenants homes are not taken away, and you do not have addresses, to say what you think of them. For a while, you have to live in hell. In domestanet unbearably hot, you are accused of all mortal sins, will be flying around beating, stabbing, cutting household items, you have destroyed bessonnitsai gloomy otherworldly voices tedious find out who's hozyain.Esli you think that this applies to you, relax and Remove the noodles from the ears.

Goblin - Gemini
(May 22 - June 21)

Wild nature is changeable, shampoo and one bottle konditsionerv. Three minutes ago Goblin suit your dressing and gave heat in straneuglya that were not whistled, collected mushrooms and now thoughtfully blows cool air conditioning. What if you sweat while to sort things out with him? Because in order to find out the relationship with Leshim needed angelic patience, sense of humor and uymasvobodnogo time. Listen to Goblin, so everyone but him, arms and legs, head rastutne wherever necessary. We'll have to wriggle skin inside out, change the rules botinokna left, left to right or wrong backing for that Goblin have spared INE tryndel twelve hours a day on any freely given topic. Not saditesna stub, do not eat a pie - uboltayet, confuse, patty choke. Goblin has three gifts: the gift of speech, gift case and gift tediousness, and distributes them darom.Upravlyaemy footed Mercury Goblin agile as quicksilver, runs, flickers, vparivaya useless svezhenarytogo decoction of the moss. Better him no nechistne will spam and can quickly turn a normal, spacious forest dwellers. Leshiyne lies and fantasy, not confuse the traces and the jokes are not plotting and fun, not late and delayed. So he's an excellent politician, intriguer and talantlivyykritik and all, but, as Water is not appreciated in his native woods.

Kikimora - Cancer
(June 22 - July 22)

Emotional, sentimental, dreamy, sensitive, affectionate and good-natured demons. The dual, contradictory nature, loves peremenyi diversity, she wants it to the women, then the girls to stay home the frights, the dependent, the frights wildly free, marsh. Quarrel with water, bezhitk houses offended by houses back to the water, torn between home marsh, usually unhappy and understood in their personal lives. It has the gift of foresight, if you drank from the hoof, then it becomes a kid, if foolishly climbed to drown the swamp, so you do not have all the houses. In any case, you need an ambulance to pomoschKikimora. It is on you mentally nakrichit, put a hundred leeches obolet cold water izmazhet in therapeutic mud, mud wrap up and put under a bush to recover. Kikimora unselfish, knows how to keep secrets, you can trust her a gold coin while to rest up under a bush. She will bury her, and by morning you will grow a whole tree, dotted with gold. If the tree does not suddenly grow and Kikimora forgotten in what field of fools buried coin, do not despair, the main thing is not the result, as a caring and vnimanie.Kikimora faithful and devoted friend, getting in her claws, you're doomed.

Cote Baiyun - Leo
(July 23 - August 23)

King of beasts, remove the questionable peace, fallen into childhood come back to the roots. Go to the right - the song starts, the left - the tale says, does it masterfully with great charisma, even if you do not have no hearing, no voice. Can lull, let not the time is not a place to sleep and you do not sobiralis.Razomleete - go to sleep forever, but will see colorful dreams as Cote Baiyun is right - the song starts, the left ... Endowed with intelligence and magnetism, but often suffers from amnesia, "I - not me, not my kittens and where he was, who finished off the intelligence primagnitil tightly-not remember. " Generous and noble: "Everyone who has to - forgive!" She likes to take care of, especially the weak: a mouse, rabbit, hamster, bird, fish. Patronize a long time, carefully, with interest, may then graciously set free if enough of. On it should be vigilant care - feeding sour cream, fresh meat, cream drink, stroking the hair, comb out the fleas, or zahireet and refuse to stay with you a sense of Microcontroller bases DC mistake, Cote Baiyun - wild animal, do not feed his all to the forest . Stubborn, arrogant and damn clever predator, if he needs to get out the sausage, will hunt until the sausage would not surrender to the mercy of the winner.

Baba Yaga - Virgin
(August 24 - September 23)

In fact - it Vasilisa the Wise, ustavshayaot hustle and disappointed in the human breed that knows how flaky. Cynic misanthrope, gray retired Cardinal, who retired to the wilderness to machinations of cunning pleteniyabiserom. Peacefully brews potions, dry in the winter toadstools to treat the case with the high-handed in the woods near. Natura closed, overly cautious, boring and demanding seven times check what were, and once you cut off the tail to the ears because he did not accept any compromise, the case of attempting to al delalytaete, the average is not given, "after heavy plowing lie on the stove, there are cakes "as the argument goes. Scum valid, corrosive and meticulous reading bad thoughts, bad things understands perfectly expressed in response adequately. Weak strategist, but a strong tactician, capable of otmativirovat sent far away, to foist a ball and a small broom pointing direction. Notes Baba Yaga often hurt, shocking acts, ruthlessness and coldness hurt good fellow, but its aid is effective as a "dead" + "living" water when you already chopped cabbage. Scum hardworking, nerastochitelna, economic and thrifty, but gambling, "the mood" can pull the wind accumulated funds, playing with the Nightingale the Robber preference. At Yaga hut in perfect organization of labor, potions arranged in the right mess, spiders weave a web of strictly in the corners, cat shits only where necessary, click stroyatsyai run in a clear sequence of pigs, flies flying on the intended path. Baba Yaga laconic, reserved, but it is curious inquiry satisfied with predilection for nothing. Caution: All confused in the testimony will be used against you.

Mara - Scales
(September 24 - October 23)

Bringing lives in a medieval castle dense fog, especially in the morning. The mysterious, murky creation, where to go - do not know what to wear - do not choose with whom - it is not known why - did not come up with, most likely, will not go anywhere at all, because it is necessary to get up to trudge carefully weigh the "pros" and " against. Without an analysis of the situation that stir up itself to the limit, Mara lift a paltsemne, the ear does not lead, not shelestnet shroud. Lure evil spirits can only be "at a terrible interest." Supporter beliefs, why run, when you can be, why stand when you can sit and why sit when you can lie down. The unclean shall not sluchaynoolitsetvoryayut death by suffocation, it is enough to go shopping, and you either strangle or themselves exhale. To be or not to be here in this suit - a matter of life, death, and your nerves of steel. Mara is extremely noisy and nazoylivoeprividenie, arriving at midnight to six o'clock in the morning rattling chains vigorously discussing with vamitrogatelnuyu and funny story "as it came to such a life after death," even esliv silent, yawning and unsuccessfully trying to sleep. But Mara is not so much your nightmare, as embodied the fate of the villain, continuous darkness and light pomrachnenie reason. Get a can of light and tactless, but gently, to make you mozg.Ne worry, molest day evil will not, can not see it - can not be heard when it comes to the daily, dreary work.

Mermaid - Scorpio
(October 24 - November 22)

If you're determined to bathe, prepare for the worst. Nurture strength of will, be patient, learn to breathe smoothly, purchase waterproof birushi and white rubber slippers, suddenly in your path of life will meet Mermaid. Mermaid will sit on the pebble in the middle of the reservoir and its marvelous doooooolgoraschesyvat wonderful hair comb, even if her head scanty ezhik.A you should stick enthusiastic idol on the beach in slippers with polotentsemnapereves not breathing, to no ripples not interfere with the process. If you interfere, Mermaid drown in a whirlpool of emotions, to death scores comb and carry off the bottom of the building crystal palace under the snag. Natura complex, mysterious, emotional, kidayuschayasyaiz extreme to the other, then sitting in the lake, then reaches into the bottle on the oak, the sweet singing, the fire siren wails, the angel, the devil knows what. Out of love for you I am able to give the voice of the witch, and then turn you into sea foam, because it is such a whole izmenchivayai impulsive. She was excusable, it internal conflict between the lofty baser: TOP want to carry their unearthly beauty of the people, while the bottom tail of low self-esteem. Mermaid independent, unruly, headstrong, slipping from lyubyhsetey, evil spirits can be manipulated, but gently, a tight velvet gloves. More press on pity Mermaid somewhere very deep in the soul of good and responsive.

Famously one-eyed - Sagittarius
(November 23 - December 21)

In fact, two-eyed Famously, but if you wake up, when you do not get enough sleep, it will begin dashing your shooting. Scum grab a bow and arrows, a pillow that turned up under the arm gently sights, screwing up his eyes ... she does everything carefully and gently ... you'll remember this lovely one-eyed face of the whole short life, leaving the edification of posterity: not to wake! It is about a child-Litho says: "too many cooks spoil the eye." It has grown, dashing nurse came under natural selection, but restlessness, vitality and energy over the edge of evil retained, however, as the eyeless. Litho - finished incurable romantic and an idealist believes in a bright future in love at first sight, in friendship with the second in divorce and mother's maiden name from the third. Stepping on the same rake, stubbornly blind eye to human vices scatter everywhere utensils so proudly we go through life with a black eye and scars on the rake scarred heart. If you are burning desire to know the truth about themselves, without fear of the boom in the ass, pillow on the ears, onion in the eye, go to Lihue ask.

Kashchei Immortal - Capricorn
(December 22 - January 20)

Natura solid, stubborn, ambitious, fireproof, waterproof, bulletproof and volevaya.Eto much about him behind his back gently say "Draw - Figure erase, goat", and in his eyes sternly - "Salt of the Earth", which is true, is not sugar. The only evil, not full-bodied, but do not risk it had called a walking soup set, she forgives the offense, unless you, the young eagle sitting in prison raw and thundered on its last legs in chains. The manager and strategist, assumes all responsibility for the gold mined in the fight over which voluntarily withers. Appreciates wealth "just so" in the chest, and indepen comfort. You can always complain to his tibia, he pessimist, so I sympathize with your grief, radiculitis and a pile of problems with teeth, which immediately will understand - it will be worse. Jealous, but kept the problem solves your headache considerably - your guillotine. He loves the loneliness Vasilisa the Beautiful in the kitchen and with a dozen Ivanov-Tsarevicheyv dungeon because grumble philosophize wit it and appreciate all the wonderful fun in good company. Maniac and a gambler in all very patient, wait and catch can eternity, he has time. Prefer to wear casual dress of soft, gentle, white, fluffy, do not be fooled, bunny suit hides a duck egg, an iron character.

Nightingale the Robber - Aquarius
(January 21 - February 18)

Lazy, friendly, irresponsible evil, prefers to sit on the branches, and you are constantly whistling. Nature Air, flits through life, grist for his mill, successfully spinning kolesofortuny. Perfectly knows what to whom and when nasvistet valiant valiant whistling, chtobyu victim's ears, she lost orientation in space, gave his horse, threw the gun and blew apart. Most often, the Nightingale the Robber chooses creative professions pen and an ax. Scum charming to tremble at the knees, optimistic, sociable, poured a nightingale, so you plagued by vague doubts may Eton highwayman, and Robin Hood, renounced home comfort, to allow freedom of the will and the unsuspecting traveler. Nightingale the Robber lyuboznateleni more compassionate, carefully check how far you are blown away, how many hands you broke-leg, how many edible and an unfinished you have in your knapsack. Scum odarenaot generous nature, many talents but has no time to develop, everything goes the whistle. Creative, but in the eternal search easily builds castles in the air, and easily breaks on their glazahu amazed public.

Water - Pisces
(February 19 - March 20)

If you sat down in a deep puddle vasstremitelno sucks, you begin to die, and indignation gurgle, but suddenly there is something pale green, decisive that pulls you like a hippo, extolling patriotic native puddle, no doubt - in front of you so love his Vodyanoy.On swamp, he prefers not to get out of it. The truth glubinedushi Water - Major Gold fish dreams of seas and coral dangerous priklyucheniyahi fulfill any reasonable desire, starting and finishing from the trough-pillar nobility. Incorrigible difficult living conditions romantic believes in Scarlet Sails has a vivid imagination and intellectual potential oyster dolphin. Water modest, sociable, shy, neurotic, when you do not understand its sublime impulses to help the neighbor to stay afloat, takes offense and permanently hidden under a snag. The soul of evil thin, vulnerable, but the swamp no creature that does not appreciate. Not bad intentions prohodites past ponds, pure soul of water is dangerous act dirty thoughts on my nerves. However, Water prefers to evade collisions, flow around obstacles, rather than fight them. Always swim at depth and sees the root, to the water willingly stretch for advice, sometimes they drown.