She lived in the soul of her own little world. She carried it in himself, and besides her, for him, no one knew. This world has been closed for me. Leading the door opened a crack in it once and then slammed shut.
Haruki Murakami. South of the Border, West of the Sun.
Closeness of the quality of the individual - the tendency of blocking access to others in your personal space, in their social and spiritual peace.
One person covered, closed and covered herself. In fact - he did not have any goal, he did not think to create any system, it just gave him an inner joy and satisfaction. And it was so simple: just shut! And no one there is not included, there is not nobody out. People are starting to look for another way out, and you - again, and there is also closed! They come rushing, and there is no escape. Closed! It was so interesting, so fueled his own greatness and power: they are there, and you're closed, they are here, and you're closed! He was so carried away, he did not notice that his space is gradually narrowed, and when there were only a few doors, he closed them all and ended up in a closed room all alone. He tried to open them again, but I could not. He mixed all the keys! And then he began to shout, to open it, but no one heard.
Closed human easy to calculate in communicating non-verbal manifestations. As a chaste virgin takes care of his innocence, secrecy, like Cerberus, guards his private space, jealous of keeping a distance between themselves and the people. Private person maintains formal relations, has little interest in the interests and intentions of the interlocutor, completely focused on themselves and their thoughts. Knowing the power of the subconscious mind, clearly receiving non-verbal cues, private person takes "attitude Castle" - his hands crossed on his chest, his fingers clenched into a fist, leg to leg. If such a person is sitting, when it leans back, increasing the distance between himself and partner communication. A manifestation of closeness is landing on the chair "top" with arms crossed. Sometimes, however, such a posture suggests an unconscious sense of superiority. According to contemporaries, Pushkin loved to sit in a relaxed atmosphere. Crossed legs honking want to save a remote distance, to emphasize his independence, to defend their own interests.
Causes of mistrust
Chatty and intrusive - it's not quite the quality of your favorite people. Rather, they repel than attract. And we can not say that this is what characterizes the openness of man. As an example - open to the world children, they trust him and do not fear. Until then, until beginning to emerge fears. I Fell - feared - became wary. Deceived - challenged the next time.
Nothing happens without a reason. Another thing that often makes the memory of man service - makes him forget about the grievance or pain. Not worked, they influence the psychological comfort of the individual. And she, this person is closed from the world and from people.
CLOSED - synonymous with confidence to the people
Why we do not trust people and close to its "shell"? What for? Is that the way it is easier to live? No of course! Just a man goes thus "easy" way. Why go to a frank conversation on the souls with close people if it hurts ?! He dissociated himself from them by an invisible wall, left to himself, in his own world, shut "case," and there is suffering on the sly. Over time it becomes a habit, addictive suffering and here the "victim" is available.
Of course, I exaggerate description. Although, who knows ...
Distrust in relationship - a painful subject for many. Hence originates and jealousy, and the desire to control everything and everyone. Losing control, we feel fear. The fear of loneliness, betrayal, heartache. But the biggest fear - that we do not like. To love and be loved - the greatest value in life. Mutual love and confidence - magic key that opens all doors and "cases».
With the same external manifestations, closed in two acts that are significantly different from each other, facial features: habitually closed and neurotically closed. Habitually private person rendered his closeness of the child, it was brought up, he got used to it and, therefore, does not feel the slightest anxiety, pain or fear manifested by their personality traits. Neurotic indoor man close up like a turtle under its shell, not from the harmful education, and under the influence of psychological factors, excessive introversion, distrust of the people and to their own lives. Like an invisible wall, he fenced in his inner world from prying eyes, and people find it difficult to guess what he was thinking.
The hero of AP Chekhov's "The Man in a Case" schoolmaster Belikov - a vivid example of the private person, who did not find the world of understanding and harmony. Even in clear weather, he "came out in galoshes and an umbrella, and certainly in a warm padded coat. And an umbrella he had in the bag, and the clock in a case made of gray suede, and when pulled out a penknife to sharpen a pencil, and the knife he had in cheholchike; and the person seemed to be, too, was in the bag, as he always hid it in a raised collar. He wore sunglasses, jersey, laid his ears with cotton, and when he got into the cab, then ordered to raise the top. In short, this man has been a steady and irresistible desire to surround himself with a shell, create yourself, so to say, a case that is to retire him, protect him from external influences. Really annoying him, frightened, kept in constant anxiety, and perhaps to justify this his shyness, his distaste for the present, he has always praised the past and what has never been; and ancient languages, he taught, were to him, in essence, the same galoshes and an umbrella, where he was hiding from real life ... And the thought of her as Belikov tried to hide in a case. For it was clear only circulars and newspaper articles, which prohibit anything. In the same resolution and allowing hiding for him is always a questionable item, something unsaid and vague. When the city allowed the drama club or reading room, or tea, he shook his head and said softly: - It is, of course, since it is so, everything is fine, but what if something happened ».
Closeness does not trust anyone. With a closed heart she steps through life. Often, it becomes bitter fruit of idealization. For example, a person became a member of the ruling party. Without realizing it, he begins to show pride in all its intricate forms. For people looking down, with a sense of superiority. There is a sensation of its election. Pride instantly makes the heart closed. In the newly created party member there is fault-finding and unrestrained criticism. Private person loses respect for others and a sense of empathy - the ability to feel the feelings of others. Party member, showing "korytolyubie" begins to look for the way to the "trough." He disturbed the system to adapt to the outside world.
Closeness - this is an adequate response to the threat to life. The prisoners - people indoors. In their midst, the principle: "Do not believe, do not fear, do not ask." Outdoor person in prison does not live long. Openness there is pernicious. To survive, you need to shut down, to position themselves in a favorable light. In other words, closeness thrives in an environment where foolish to reveal the true motivation of their actions. People under the influence of ignorance and passion, more oriented to closing. Selfless person has nothing to hide. In the blissful environment of secrecy is not living. Closed as a severe censor, distorts the information that comes into the mind. As a result, people see illusory reality. Censorship false ego works and open person, but closed identity apart from that includes a filter, introduced by the protection of society.
To overcome the closed nature is extremely difficult, because a closed personality it is not something superficial, painful, on the contrary, it protects her from life's misfortunes. So she clings to her arms and legs, believing themselves safe and sane. Tips arguments, the real facts are met with strong resistance. That's right, because the main function of secrecy - protection from the damaging influence of the outside world. Closeness eliminating the cultivation of its opposite - openness. This requires a long-term immersion in the atmosphere of a closed human love and trust, or its own inefficiency and awareness of the harmfulness of its closure.
Everyone takes life lessons. Closeness is not oriented to the perception of new destiny lessons remain unlearned. Therefore, it is left "for the second year" for the repetition of difficulties. Living with a closed heart, secrecy is not responding to signs and hints of destiny. Here is how it tells a parable. Conversation with Archangel Angel: Angel Archangel report on the company of his ward in the world - alive. He goes to work. What a hope. - For what? - Hard to say. Twice I was showing him a happy dream - sees. He says he gets tired at work. - And what about work? - Yes, like everyone else. Bosses. Vanity. Gossip. - Bosses severe? - Yes boss like boss. Same as always. Afraid he did for some reason ... - Fear drove? - Of course. Even on the way to the office. Wings brandished over his head. Clouds even clocked. I had to go to the wing on the ear - that saw the sun. - And after work? - Shopping. TV. To wash the dishes. Online. Sleep. - TV broke? - Of course. New bought some reason ... - cut off the Internet? - Five days in a row. He simply became stuck at work. Until late in the evening. They may be so. - So, and the output? - Sleep till noon. Cleaning of the apartment. In the evening - friends. Clueless conversations ... Home after midnight. In the morning with a headache under the covers. Or the TV. Or to a computer. - And she? - Very close. Three houses. In the same supermarket for groceries go. - In turn face? - Everything is as it should be. And on top of instruction at the bus stop. In the holidays. - Lines of Fate checked? - Yes combined! The fact of the matter ... It is a city ... a way of life ... well I can not more boss! Impossible task! - Conversations! Where is your list of drastic means? - Here he is, Chief. Flu with fever and delirium. Dislocated fracture. Car accident. Bankruptcy. Fire. Riots in the streets. Financial crisis. Civil War ... - Enough brake ... Two hundred and eighty-fifth such report! Most have forgotten how to work !!! You know, get in touch with parallel flow. In the name of love to take extreme measures deemed received permission! Just choose one thing. - There is ... to choose one thing!
In short, the closeness is not ready to even take help from above.