In each of us there is a little Homer Simpson






- We will be rich and zavedёm family!
- Homer, we already have a family!
- Zavedёm better!

- This is the farce that I've ever seen.
- And the Oscar?
- Well, except for an Oscar.

- Wipe your chin marmalade - then we'll talk.
- Do not try to change me!

If you're going to be angry at me every time I make a stupid, I'll stop doing stupid things.

We can not always blame themselves for something. Blame yourself once, and live more peacefully.

Come back here! .. I have not finished to humiliate you!




I appetizing bun with cinnamon. Today I will not wake up.

Another day at work - another stolen pen.

Do not take his money, do not print the money, working for money! Maybe I should just lie down and die ?!

If you really want to achieve something in life, you have a lot of work on this. And now quietly today announced the winning lottery numbers.

- Homer, you're fired from two jobs and bought an ambulance, do not call me!
- And I fed the ducks.

- Homer Simpson does not lie twice in the same statement.
- The mortgage you lied 10 times.
- It was one big lie.

To help another person, not necessarily to be strong and rich enough to be good.




I'm doing everything I can, but the fate of as of cookies, you will not leave.

Let's go to the store until another began advertising and not forced me to do anything else!

I climbed the highest mountains fell in the lowest hollows. I visited Africa and Japan. Even flew into space. But now I did not hesitate to have traded it all for something sweet.

- Come to a free reception on Saturday.
- How much it is?
- FREE.
- And when?
- Saturday.

I'm not fat. I am gifted with the fullness.

I was actually hard to surprise ... Oh! The blue car!




I'll leave this world as he came: dirty, screaming, torn from the woman he loved!

- Homer, you do not know what my eye color?
- A beautiful - the color?
- Homer!
- Do not worry, Marge! I do not judge people by the color of eyes ... I judge people by the color of skin.

- We have never organized parties? And that booze champagne, musicians and priests?
- It was our wedding!

Marriage - a real attraction. And I'm glad that you're my belt.

- Instead of the museum we live next door to the cemetery?
! - Look at it from the positive side, Marge! When I die, you can mourn me right out of the toilet! This is multitasking!

To be loved - you have to be all good every day. To hate - do not have to strain at all.




Marge, we can get rid of Maggie, as we are not too much fond of her ...

Child psychiatrist - come here to die imaginary friends.

Father bedtime wraps me as much as anyone else. And you know what? None of the monster before me did not get.

You see, Lisa, did you find something that was not expected. And all because that delve into the past. I would not do that. I have lived in the past and there is not nothing escaped.

I thought the teacher out of school just to smoke and cry.

You can great deal of something, but there is always a million people, making it even better.



You know, guys, you can laugh, but I feel much more pleasant sweet breath on the neck of his wife sleeping than to stuff dollar bills in a thong some unknown lady.

- Flanders, you devil?
- The devil is always the one from whom you least expect.

Oh, if walls could talk ... everybody would pay me to look at my wall speakers.

- Lenny, how's your love affair with a girl in front?
- Interrupted, she hung curtains.

Flanders, you're sixty years old, and you have not spent a single day.

If Jesus had a gun, he would have been alive today.

These songs - a deal with the devil, and of distant countries where the smoke over the water.

- And how much will it cost?
- It's free!
- Sounds expensive.

- Is it true that the money will go to help children?
- Yes, we are all someone's children ...

- I let the sins of Catholics only.
- Clear. And how you do that? Beat Protestant?

- Why is this toy breaks rest?
- It is programmed to destroy the competitors.
- Is how Microsoft?

- Please, enough to spoil my products! You force me again to ask politely.

Understand, in each of us there is a little Homer Simpson.



Source: esquire.ru

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