Rules of Life Homer Simpson

Simple truths from a simple cartoon character. Quotes Homer Simpson. Is he as stupid as you think? :)

If you really want to achieve something in life, you have a lot of work on this. And now quietly today announced the winning lottery numbers.

I love to beer was cold, the TV worked as loud as homosexuals burning in hell.

You know, guys, you can laugh, but I feel much more pleasant sweet breath on the neck of his wife sleeping than to stuff dollar bills in a thong some unknown lady.

Relax, do not panic. If anything, the money earned by selling one of my livers. Both I do not care to anything.

Children - our future. That is why they must stop now. Let's drink alcohol - the source and the solution to all our problems!

Beer ... My only weakness. My Achilles heel, if you want.

If you're happy and you realize this, cursed.

Education will not help me. Every time I do something memorable, that's something takes place vypihnuv brains of anything else. Like the time when I went to the courses of wine and had forgotten how to drive a car.

In Catholicism, more stupid rules than in the video.

Of course, the Pope made a lot of good things in life, but now he's old, and old people are useless.

Women - they like beer. Well look, smell good, and you're ready to step over your own mother just to get them.

Son, you say "Ass Kissing Guy" as if it's something bad.

It is not necessary to grieve. People are constantly dying. Who knows, maybe tomorrow you'll wake up dead.

Ha ha ha! My daughter thinks that vampires - they are real creatures! Yes, they are also made-up like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

I do not sleep in one bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. If so, let push the sofa in the living room and make the bed. I want to sleep.

My favorite book: "So you've decided arbitrarily connect to a cable television».

From now on, I'll look forward to the whole row. Oh my God! Tomorrow will be a special event: the two piano benches for the price of one! Oh-oh-oh, probably tomorrow!

Radiation kills only those who are afraid of it.

I am a white male between 18 and 49. And listen to me, no matter what nonsense I have carried.

Let Simpsons stupid show on the channel, but that show!

It is not easy to be torn between his pregnant wife and unbalanced child, but my eight hours in the TV I still carved out.

Kill the boss ?! I take up a hand to fulfill the American dream?

To lie takes two. One lies, the other listens.

Old men do not need company. They need to isolate and study to find out whether there is in them any useful materials for us.

The attempt - the first step to failure.

Look, people are always all there any statistics. It is known to 14% of the population.

The only important thing in life - to be popular.

I see no reason to leave the house. We are all the same every time we return back.

Nuclear reactor - as a woman. It is only necessary to read the instructions and time to press the right buttons.

Tears dog will not return. If only tears do not smell of dog food. So you can sit at home, absorbing the bank for dog food jar until the tears start to give it to the dog smelled the street and came back by himself. And you can just go look it up.

Psychiatrist us to anything. We ourselves know that we have a child with a shift.

I can see the smiles of their children. And I understand that they have started something bad.

His own mother not up to snuff. It can not fool even the first of April, even if you will be in possession of an electric chair odurachivatelny.

To compromise? In the family was attacked!

My mother once said one thing that haunts me. She said: "Homer, you're a big disappointment" .What is surely she meant, Lord soothe her soul.

Unprotected breakfast - the sweetest taboo.

When it comes to compliments, women are insatiable blood-sucking monsters and demand more, more and more. But if they wish to meet, the board will be sweet.

If you're going to be angry at me every time I make a stupid, I'll stop doing stupid things!

Singing - is the lowest form of communication.

And when I finally understand that the answers to life's questions are not at the bottom of the bottle. They're on TV!

God bless atheists!

You can great deal of something, but there is always a million people, making it even better.

In sport, the main thing is not to win. The main thing - that managed to get drunk!

We can not always blame themselves for something. Blame yourself once, and live more peacefully.

I think, Mr. Smithers (head of Homer. - Esquire) hired me for his ability to motivate. All colleagues say that now they have to work twice as hard!

All my life I dreamed of one thing - to achieve all their goals.

Facts absolutely meaningless. Having the facts can be proved any fiction!

Because God can not keep up everywhere, right?

In France, no one calls me "fat jerk." Here I am a foodie!

I am weary dancing with sexual overtones.

Sometimes I could kill in a fit of anger, or to prove their case. But I'm not some maniac.

There is no tasteless donuts.

Children - the same monkey. Only the noise from them anymore.

His third son name just a kid. Believe me, it will save you a lot of confusion.

You can work on multiple jobs simultaneously and still be lazy.

I climbed the highest mountains, fell in the lowest hollows. I visited Africa and Japan. Even flew into space. But now I did not hesitate to have traded it all for something sweet.

You can get a lot of things for free, mentioning it in an interview to some magazine. Cookies Chips Ahoy!

Smart Italians? Something is wrong here.

There was not enough even to some surgeon tells you how I handle myself!

Be generous in bed. Share this sandwich.

Sometimes I lie in bed and think that nothing will make me stand up. And then I feel like getting wet under me, and I realize that I was wrong.

Fool and money parted quickly. I would have paid a lot to someone who explained to me the law.

Give a man a fish - and he will eat for the whole day. Teach a man to fish - and he'll hook hooked behind the eyelid or anything like that.

Public transport - for idiots and lesbians.

My father never believed in me. I will not repeat his mistakes: from now on I'll be gentler with his son. And tougher with his father.

No matter how powerful and amazing as it is, I will not tolerate even arrivals from the ocean!

Even if you take something from a neighbor at the time, it is still better to do it under the cover of darkness.

I will not dissemble: being a father is not easy. Not that mother.

In my house we obey only the laws of thermodynamics.

It is always best to observe the process, you do something yourself.

To be loved, you have to be all good every day. To hate - do not have to strain at all.

Life - it is all just a bunch of garbage that is going on.

Understand, in each of us there is a little Homer Simpson.