An American magazine recently held a competition "Aphorisms style
Dilbert "(Dilbert - Hero terribly popular in the US comics of life
"White Collar"). The competition was attended by real statements
all sorts of leaders, chiefs and managers of all stripes.
1. From tomorrow entrance to the building will be allowed only with a pass.
On Wednesday, all employees photographed, and each will receive his
skipping over two weeks. (this is an order from Fred Dales
Microsoft and won the tender)
2. I need a specific unknown problems that
we may face. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. Well, and how much longer will the testers find bugs in our
program? !!! (programmer from Microsoft IIS Development team)
4. E-mail is not intended to send each
other information and data. It should be used only
for business purposes. (chief accountant of the Electric Boat Company)
5. This project is so important that from it in any case impossible
Rada rip even more important things. (marketing department UPS)
6. The fact that you did everything correctly, does not justify the violation of the schedule!
Hikto not believe you did that day, we have worked
months! Go ahead and two or three weeks busy for,
I'll let you know when you can declare that you are ready.
(Manager of 3M Corporation)
7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping re-contract,
who only had to edit. She claimed,
I gave her the failed drive, and she could not edit it.
The disk I gave her was write-protected (Dell Computers)
8. Teamwork - this is where a lot of people doing what I say.
9. My sister died, the funeral was scheduled for Monday. Boss
was indignant by this news (still - I asked for a day off in the best
busy day of the week) and asked if we could change to a funeral
Friday. "It would be much easier for all" - he said.
(Head of Delivery FTD Florists)
10. We know that communication - this is a problem, but the company is not going to
to discuss with the staff. (AT & T)
11. Once the boss asked him to submit a report on the status of the project,
I was working on. I asked - what about tomorrow. "If the report
I wanted it tomorrow, I would have asked for tomorrow "- said the boss.
12. Working head of the department of external snoscheny, I wrote another
report, and above all, had the imprudence to use the phrase
"Pedagogical approach". The next day I was summoned to the chief of department
frames, where I was told that the vice prezidentsha company demanded
fire me before the dinner break. Answering the question - why? - Head
OK she said that she said that "will not tolerate the company of perverts",
and showed a copy of my report, where the word "pedagogical" circled were
red. Hachalnik was OK, however, the person responsible, and looking
at my request dictionary, went to settle a misunderstanding.
A couple of days on the company was issued a circular instructing not
use the documentation of words that are not found in the local
A month later, however, I resigned. In accordance with the decree,
resignation of the words I glued, cut from the same newspaper.
(Taco Bell Corporation