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Some time ago the office, give me bread to maslichkom, suddenly bursting at the seams. I had to look for a new place to paid idleness. Hedhanters, Job-ru, old ties, all garbage. Since the work is now tight, with a salary - even tighter. However, with due diligence, a ton of shit necessarily will be found a pearl. Your jewel.
Head of the branch office of the bank "Societe Generale" - that's what suits me, I decided, after months of searching. Embarrassed that the first word in the title can be a verb, but the proposed salary allowed a blind eye to such trifles. Skills and experience correspond to the desired, but the office is highly welcomed by knowledge of French. My same "read and translate with a dictionary 'English and clearly pererostochny age against the backdrop of the young boys and greyhounds office did not give odds. Reluctantly, I climbed into the Internet to search for ads about teaching lyagushatnicheskomu accent.
The interview was scheduled at the bank in a week, and a maximum than my light shine by that time - "May Gnehm of Vasya" and "ah Liv John Rush" prognusavlennye on language Dumas, father and son. However, I stubbornly continued to send their resume in batches the right and left, because the number is known - in quality.

With Dimas Bekhterev we met in the parking lot in front of a prestigious office building in the city center, where I arrived to bring the form to one of the offices nesting there. He got out of a brand new, do not fly ek familiarize, Toyota's "Prado", briefly myauchit phone at some eastern dialect. Noticing me, sitting down in the grimy, passes for the third hundred of focus, my classmate did, continuing to crack, compelling Hollywood smile and made a gesture with his hand - say wait. Do not put off in my situation after such invitations. Also curious.
A year ago, I saw him with the roads are bent upright from the wrists to the armpits, but now it all shone as a Persian cat in front of the exhibition. They sat in a cafe, he entertained. After compulsory - who was where, who and how, Bekhterev did not pull the bagpipes and immediately got down to business.
 - Surprised? I suppose I thought that I was glued fins?
 - Well, not without.
 - Yes, I do still wonder. You know who I'm working?
 - What?
 - No, not a general dealer in the Southern Federal District - it is idiotic neigh - supervise language
center.
I made the eyebrows house. Against the background of spondylitis in school I looked polyglot.
 - Seriously, no kidding. Well you probably heard stories about how the people in a state of deep hypnosis recall much of what is considered forgotten? And some even speak the language, which had never known? So - he leaned back in his chair - it's not magnus & ezh. Moreover, we have learned under hypnosis include a person neglected knowledge, especially knowledge of languages.
 - All clear - Herbalife Kirby vacuum cleaner, Aum senrikё - I thought, and started to say goodbye.
 - Yes, you wait. - He tried to stop me. I am not a Jehovah's Witness and Lenya Golubkov. I have serious business. I rented an entire floor in the building. You know, what then rent? For one day scam could be found, and simpler. Do you want to - let's go, I'll show you. Do not worry, not put on a chain, kidney pledged not to ask.
Office really struck his pomp. The metal detector at the entrance, the security guard, "Please, leave here your phone as well as camera and video recorders, if you have them." Parquet, marble, expensive furniture. The office spondylitis,
made in the English style, it would be possible to film without, all of Sherlock Holmes with Dr. Watson.
 - We are all very simple - he told, flopping into an elegant leather armchair and theatrical feet up on the table - we immerse the patient in a state of deep hypnosis, find out what languages ​​he can remember, and only then sign a contract. Prepayment - 10%. Then, after completing all legal formalities, including a subscription to disclose - you realize - we actually make the procedure of so-called inclusion. This short time, a few minutes. If all went well - the customer pays the remainder, if not - we will refund the deposit. So far, the return was not there. Side effects, too.
 - This - mind you - you know the language at the level of the mother, including pronunciation and vocabulary. This is only a dialect of the era and what you will get - it does not depend on us, there could be as they say - is no arguing against karma.
 - I like - American Inglish 50s of the 20th century with a Texas accent, dialect of northern China, the language of an Indian tribe shevanezov Latin and classical times Ovid. In addition, together with the language you remember the reality and the subject area of ​​the era. So think. I'll still do 50%.
 - And how will it be at a discount? - I really have started to show interest in my heart knowing that it is working and skillful charlatans.
 - Three kilobaksov. This wild dumping, given the quality of services.
Well, people do not like other people - I figured - and the first salary in his new position all the investments return.
 - Well, come on. Only if nai & eat - do you know me!
In eighth grade, for school, I remember, he can fight robust design.
 - Helen! Set, please - Bekhterev selector button pressed, and sailed into the office with yuristkoy Freaky boobs. Looking into this recess, will sign anything. Working with clients in this office we have been established for 5-plus.
After about twenty minutes, during which I nervously sweating, deduct the contract and application Dimas took me to a nearby room with a huge leather sofa and thick burgundy curtains. It was waiting for the hypnotist - man wearing glasses 60 years.
 - You do not worry, we have everything under control - nodded my classmate two cameras in the corners of the room. I'll show you later recording session, you'll see. Rzhaka! ..
An hour later I signed the contract, reviewing the video, which I, reclining on a couch fluent lisping with his eyes closed.
After registration of securities, not shelving them, I was led into the next room and made scans of the brain at the monstrous, like a movie machine. After processing and analysis - even for an hour - the results, I was admitted to the inner sanctum - office "study" of the language. There I sat in a chair kind of space, fixing limbs and powerful chest straps. Head consolidated separately, fixing a few points of special clamps. That's right. Then came the familiar hypnotist and I passed out.

***
Scheisse! Such a terrible headache, I never experienced. It throbbed and desperately bored inside the cranial bones outside. Waves of nausea came one after another. Hardly rollback heavy as manholes, lids I have a last effort brought focus and stared at the tragically preoccupied ebalo spondylitis.
 - I woke up? Well, thank God. He crossed himself three times - Lie down, do not move. you have a concussion. I'll tell you everything in order.
 - Well you remember me a couple of years ago, what I look like? Storchai, out of the house all sold. I dragged myself somewhere and slept on some huts. All of the smoke. Pease & pepper shorter. I planted a couple of times and then released - it is necessary to train someone to do performance. And once we raked the whole hut and otmudohali in office until he lost consciousness. The last thing I remember - both ye & Ali in the head with a rubber truncheon.

 - In short, when I came to, he began to speak at the cops, to require a lawyer, a telephone, something else. They Prio & Ueli eyes on the forehead, face - are silent. I only later realized that shouting in English. With my language is cretinism. And I stopped hanging around with that day. Such is the case of healing magic. But I do not believe in miracles, began to dig this thread ... Okay, it's a long story ... In general, I came to what I have.

 - And you turned a small pad. You're under hypnosis revealed knowledge of two dozen languages, half of which we have not even identified. It is rare, usually no more than five. I told you once said - the business, understand. So, there is a difficulty - the more languages, the more accurately you need to work on the cerebral cortex. In general, little Victor missed.
 - What is the Victor? - I croaked dry mouth.
Well, you know - there is work jewelry: you have to get to a certain point on the skull, from a certain angle, the correct speed. A professional Vitya, 15 years baton waving. This is the moment of which I was cured and learned.
 - What the fuck & s baton? - I felt my head and saw that it is a solid hematoma.
 - Because I told you, PR-73, a rubber stick, 73 kg per square centimeter, it is very important.
 - So what are you, the head banging?
 - Well, what's on, you're a naive man in the ass or what? It is our know-how. You see, I told you all, old friend.
 - Weather - swollen gyrus refused to think - something I can not remember a word of French.
 - That's right, I did not finish. Victor missed and hit a little bit not quite there. When you were untied, you shouted "Jude, Jude" and began Pease & Build Boris Markovich, our hypnotist. Kicking, biting, screaming "Heil Hitler!", He clutched his holster, which is not. Hardly twisted. We thought that this German we do not need and decided to turn it off, here. And as before it never did it on the first try failed. Well, now everything is in order. A week later, you will be discharged from the intensive care unit, try again. I guarantee everything will zashib.
 - In short, you just can fight me magnus & Julia old friend, for my money. And going to do it again? Leck mich am Arsch!
Smart-ass bastard! As I had not noticed he had these inverted jaws, bulging of the eye, these black curly hairs. Oh, you kike face!
 - Do not be afraid ...
Where only found the strength - I jumped out of bed. The age-old instinct caught my rush Bechterev bullet flew from his chair and rushed to the exit. Where there! Dyed-repainted, the heavy hospital chair with a flourish flew his crown. Having extra boost holёnoe Jewish body with a roar crashed into the end of the half-open door, strictly according to the method of EuroNCAP, with 40 percent overlap. Redeemed collision energy due to deformation of soft tissues, it is already lifeless, it bounced back, rolling his eyes, tumbled language and let the process fluid. Schwein. Check the pulse and feeling the disgust Behterevsky wrinkled face, I was convinced that reliably engineered power frame skull hardly affected. Honest 5 stars. Tenacious creature. Stepping over the fallen enemy, I staggered trudged home, away from this madhouse.

***

Victor found me the next day. Surprisingly, not beaten. Moreover - he spoke very correctly and with respect. He told that found spondylitis hour after my departure, in the mind, pissed, obosranym and crying. Now he is on the mend: feeding from nipples agukaet looking breasts nurses. Walks are believed to be under him. According to doctors, it corresponds to the development of the newborn.
 - Can you imagine - with a whistle gestured me Victor hairy sausages fingers - which opens perspectives! It's a complete restart of the person! We keep criminals to life, ASIC, feed. And then - e & Anulov stool - and get the birthplace of a new citizen. Grow as you want.

In short, in any bank I did not go. We have opened a branch Vitya language center, where experiments on re neperevospituemyh. He picked up the old ties, we have decent grants, not without setbacks, it is understandable. They took office, hired a secretary and a dozen ochkarikov - laboratory.
Bekhterev matures. Passed only a year, and he was reading, his tongue writes Moidodir recites by heart. In the evenings, however Fingering and secretly smokes. In general, a nice little fellow. We carry it in conferences and symposiums, all love him - knock on the knee, the light at the pupil, ask questions. Then swinging curls and kiss on the domes, treat candy. About tranches does not forget.
It is clear that we can not grasp the immensity, we have only two with Victor. Plow tirelessly. Valimsya evenings with fatigue, and still do not have time. Honed technique, looking for new applications for their talents. I am writing dissertations. My partner has defended - still half hundredweight, behind hotspots baton again. A pilot group of our patients, 50 people, all entirely murderers and terrorists who have successfully passed the restart and transferred to a special nursery, where the rehabilitation course under the auspices of all kinds of human rights organizations.
But it's all - particular. Age is not messing around with bandyukov. Our methods are already interested in the migration service the US and Israel, but cheto I do not like these Jews. Sly is hefty. And greedy. And a normal guy, we can easily find a common language. Though Russian, though foreign. In general, if someone has any suggestions - please contact us. As they say, the idea of ​​your - our chairs.

© Milling

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