Various stories and anecdotes

With a height of 7-floor concrete slab fell half a meter from the white-haired boy.

Lesson at school.
 - Those who have read "War and Peace"?
 - What I had to read it?
 - Of course.
 -% B, I, and I rewrote

 - Dasha, are you ready?
 - Now, Mom, just take Fublyu.
 - Who?
The daughter comes out of the room and shows a mother's incredibly disgusting doll - a terrible, vsklyukochennuyu and bedraggled. Mother, involuntarily:
 - Ugh, I used%!
 - That's right, Mom, Dad, too, doll so-called.

Suitsidenko listeners Ivan asks: How to get anal sex.
Complicated case!
Responsible proctologist pathologist full clinic Pereponchenko G. To:
It is not difficult. In the experience of our separation of rapid and unrestrained anal sex is easiest to achieve by throwing a beer bottle at a passing Brabus.
In second place - pepelats with riot police. Perhaps the use of exciting sex toys "handcuffs" and "rubber dildo."
The third - a bus full of workers from a nearby asphalt plant early February morning. They are well maintained on ice for Mobile "I Wait a jump in lohovoznike soon will» ...

One day I was walking through the woods, looking the garden, I think let'll come! I went up to this park, watch the gate! I went to the well, I go to the elevator, sit on the bike, looking for some motor here, "Batz" to me, the conductor is suitable, and says, "Aunt your seat!" And I say that I do not smoke, so this kid starts to cry .... But I did not lose, and how to let him in the face, he grabs his knee and shouted, "My back! My back! "And I think he can sovem e * Anulov? If I go out of this train! Look taxi is worth it! Well, come up and say, "L & M Blue and vodka 0, 5," Well, it gives me and Bond and beer, I take it, and take the moonshine, and run away from this garbage! So these firefighters caught in an ambulance! They catch up and say, "You forgot to surrender!" Well, I take a kilo of apples, and I go to the market to sell! I offer pears, so I did not have time to put these bananas, immediately grandmother runs, and buys me all peaches and says that it all came together in kulechek! And I think she's really f * Anuti as I told her 20 watermelons in a bag put! I took the money and went home! The more I did not go into the forest.

Professor to lecture the audience asked:
 - Who can explain to me, what have long tails of sperm?
All are silent, one girl timidly:
 - Probably, it is easier to extract from the teeth?

I walk down the street this morning, ahead of me girl talking on the mobile of:
"But? .. What? .. Yes, I do not hear Nichrome, then the connection is bad! ... Oh, and when you are sending me on a dick, communication is excellent!»

Mary bought a new pantyhose from marijuana. Now each puff - a thrill!

"Dear editors! I drink, smoke, use drugs, sexual promiscuity. Pray tell me, what would have come up with this? »

Criminal chronicle.
The city was closed Levorukske warehouse fake Viagra. Warehouse were found with the help of specially trained impotent.

Group of athletic musicians hit the tambourine at weddings, anniversaries and other
holidays. Not expensive. Tel. 3-14-00, ask Mordechai Evanko.

 - Who loves sausage and respect the law, it should not be seen as being done both ...

Lovers lie in bed. She (dreamily):
The representing, honey - in fact one day we get married ...
He (leisurely puffing a cigarette and shoot at the ceiling smoke ring):
Yeah fuck who we need ...

Little Red Riding Hood went to his grandmother on the bike. Then out of the woods and runs Wolf breaks Riding Hood bike ...
Suddenly Bear goes and says: "the Wolf shameful! What are you doing here ?! bezpredelnichaesh This is my field! Well, quickly repaired Shapka bike !!! ". Wolf has nothing to do, I took a welding machine, a long boiled frame, wheels ... initiative in general.
Goes cap on. Again Wolf - raskherachil bike! Suddenly Bear: "What are you, the Wolf! This is also my field! You cho bikes here you break! Repaired! Fast!". Wolf again for welding machine ... Come Little Red Riding Hood to his grandmother. He come in and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, and what is your eyes are red ???»

 - From welding, damn !!!

During a morning run through the George W. Bush runs across a small bridge.
Stumbles, flies over the railing and falling into the creek. While the guards had come down, Bush has pulled out of the water three children, who were fishing at the bottom.
Bush touched by this rescue told the guys that they will fulfill any desire.
1st - I want to Disneyland.
B. - No problem. I'll take you there on his presidential plane.
2nd - I want shoes like Michael Jordan on pnevmopodushechkah.
B. - I think that they have you, and even an autographed Michael.
3rd - And me a wheelchair with a motor, built-in TV and headphones.
B. - (surprised) But you did not seem like a disabled person?
3rd - But I told them I will when my dad finds out I saved you when you were drowning.

Manager of a large company noticed that his department has a new boyfriend and asked him to come to his office.
 - What is your name? - He asked the novice.
 - Ivan - he replied.
The manager, a slight frown, said:
 - I do not know where you worked before, but in our company, I do not let familiarity with each other and subordinates. This reduces my authority. I therefore appeal to subordinates only by name - Petrov, Ivanov, and so on. D. So, what is your name?
 - Disgusting. Ivan nasty.
 - Well, Vanya, the next thing I wanted to tell you ...

Gypsy enough passer's hand:
 - A man and a man!
 - Well, what do you want?
 - Man, do not give a hundred rubles - a child wrapped muffin?

At home Kamasutra locals tourists sent three times a jade rod twice a delicate lotus flower.

Bill Gates at a reception at his psychoanalyst:
 - Mr. Gates! I still can not accept that all the evil in the world of apples and penguins, but it is in your honor named billion billion ...

On TV requires flat and wide for a woman heading "Bulletin board".

Call receptionist:
 - I interfere with the light in the room and the water rushing into the bathroom, as it shut down?
 - You see, we have a hotel-type "all inclusive».

 - Girl, let's play in the computer!
 - Oh, and how is it?
 - Hover somewhere my mouse!

There are two on the street:
 - Oh, how long, how many winters! How well you look! And how is your wife?
 - What are you, come to your senses - I'm a widower !!!
 - Oh, sorry, I wanted to ask - how's your widow? ..

The astonishing discovery made by microbiologists Turkmenistan after a decade of study of the water molecule.
It turns out, if a little twist the dial on the microscope, the molecule becomes much more evident.

Little boy brings home a kitten and says:
 - Mom, can I leave it to yourself?
 - Can. How do we call him?
 - Let's call him Moshe!
 - Are you my son! Moshe - a human name. Let's call him Vaska !!!

Friends, progress by leaps and strides across the planet, a ten, but what's there, thousand-mile steps and you just look what he did with Belarus :, he just stepped over it !!!

Young Georgians arrives in Tbilisi Conservatory. Anyone who should have given the money. He passed all the exams successfully. It remains to ear training. He is told:
 - It is quite simple. We press the key on the piano, as you guess.
He turns away from the piano, listening to you play a note, and then pokes his finger into one of the teachers:
 - You hit!

"I love you", - said Russian.
«I love you», - speak English.
«Je aimer tu», - the French say.
Only the Chinese are quietly doing their job.


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