10 signs of spring:

1. In the room at the same time working and the battery, and air conditioning.
2. Whatever you put on in the morning, by the end of the day and have time to sweat and warm, with a few times.
3. On a cold beer began to leave more money. But reduced the already meager spending on tea.
4. The current volume of the body without clothes for some reason has become equal to the volume of the body in a warm sweater and a down jacket in the early winter.
5. Along with the snow melted and marking, and for individual sections of asphalt. Rather not. Separately taken portions of asphalt just yet survived.
6. came out of hibernation bears stritreyserskie "Spark" with a very loud indigestion.
7. subway began selling bicycles, scooters, Chinese scooters.
8. As a result of the periodic crossing of interests of paragraphs 6 and 7, in specialized shops there discounts for wheelchairs.
9. Beautiful girls around suddenly becomes so much that inevitably any Katya Pushkareva draws more attention.
10. While you do not smoke, but you smile more often. And it annoys dentists. That is good news!

Desert. Heat. Trot (running) a few ostriches, followed by an approximately equal number of ostriches.
Strausihi: - Let the girls faster ... faster ...
Ostriches - Well guys ... More malenechko ... let ...
Strausihi - Devchenki! Catching up ... faster ...
Ostriches: - Let's ... here they are ... More ...
podnazhmёm Strausihi - Girls! Hiding!
Strausihi stuck their heads in the run up pesok.Tut ostriches:
 - Both!!! Where are the women?

 - Why do girls walking around with a series of contemptuous contemptuous mien on his face? usually dressed quite expensive, but often dress flashily necessarily painted, smoothed. go on
the city or the subway there and all kind of showing their disgust and contempt (superiority ??).
and, feeling that grimace of disgust has long lived in the Hare and has stuck to it ...
noticed this?

 - They were forced to swallow.

Pharmacy comes Dzyadok and refers to the pharmacist:
 - Docha, I am not satisfied with their sex life and the results of the World.
Do you have an inflatable Hitler?

Friendship between man and woman is always based on the hope of a party, it's not just friendship.

Bob: You do not know when we post ends well, so that you can safely eat meat ... or rather I did it ... but then restless ...

There is a fine line that separates a fisherman from the idiot standing on the beach with a fishing rod

When you photograph close to Disneyland with Mickey Mouse smiling a man inside of Mickey Mouse?

Marine armed with dry rations, virtually immortal.

Every time I wonder. Well, who puts so the asphalt? It is necessary to the other, smooth side up!

The degree of Honored Worker duration is determined to forgive his tardiness.

and you carry the cable?
them there are two mine
they long?
Meryl will spare no schya Weather ...
the 18 centimeters longer than one second long legs just do
feet and pacing than you first?!

 - Doctor, I'm an addict.
 - You with me?
 - As agreed.

Well, my dear, now that we are married, can you tell me how many men have you had?
-And You do not blame me then?
No, I will not
Well okay - seven
-In The sense that I - the seventh?
-No, You are. You - the fourth

To us came a new party - Nikon.
Nikon: Konban Islands. Vatasi but namae Island Nikon ten. Ikaga des ka?
Sausage: Che? O_o
Ya_ne_smotryu_anime he said, "Good evening. My name Nikon. How are you? »
Ya_ne_smotryu_anime: pancake, palyus.

Just. I sit in the office. For our cubicle wall inarticulate American expat explains about the election Medvedev, in English, with a terrible accent Boratovskim.
Further, in the people:
Emigrant: «You know what new Russian president 'name means?»
(Do you know what it means to the name of the new Russian president?)
American: «Medvedev?»
E: «Yes! Means Beer! »(Meant of course BEAR (Bear), but instead says BEER - Beer)
A: «Beer?»
E: «Yes! You know, big animal, goes up trees and steals ... (yes, well, such a large animal that climbs trees and steals ...) eeee ... (pause - can not remember how
in English, "Honey")
A: (making round eyes) "Beer ?!"
E: "Yes! And it ... eeee ... consumes it there! "(And eating it there)
A: "That's freaking gross, man!" (Turns to other Americans) "Hey Fred, d'ya know their new president in Russia climbs trees to suck stolen beer there ?!" (translation:
"About ## et! Hey Fred, you know theirs a new president in Russia climbs trees there to drink beer thieving? & Quot;)

The girl friend works in a large office, and they have all sorts of idiotic regularly held rallies and meetings to make reports, few people interesting. And come up with
they are a fun game - "Rally-Lotto." On your computer, tablet drawn, type lotoshnoy, only instead of numbers to be entered various buzzwords such as "strategy," "plan»,
"Development", "focus group", "franchise", "delegation", etc. During performances all sit and cross out the words that appear in the text of the next speaker.
Once someone has filled a number of tables, you need to stand up and say aloud: «Bullshit!»
Well, the prize, of course, bingo is still ...

I've heard stories about such Kuibyshev. Allegedly, the other party boss (do not remember
who let Zhdanov) in the presence of his mother of his subordinate. When
Zhdanov vykrichalsya and finally drove the slave, Kuibyshev noticed that
It could be and that softer.
 - The head must have a strong character - said Zhdanov.
What Kuibyshev said the following:
 - Nature - it's like @ First, the harder the better. But the character, as well as x @ nd do not all need to show.

Two kolkhoz dragged hugest canister with milk and discuss movie:
 - When poor Izauru sent to the plantation, my heart flooded with blood! ..

My daughter in law is working as a kindergarten teacher in her group of children 4-5 years old, then with her words. We have a boy in the group, whose name is Artyom. He lives with his parents this Artem in
studio apartment, and that somehow fits it to me and says:
 - Irina, and mom and dad at night, thinking that I was asleep, and themselves at this time something under the covers made ...
I'm shocked, the boy stands and waits for a response, frantically trying to come up with something, and then the brain produces:
 - Well, Tom, they probably something out there looking ...
And the child issues:
 - Probably not found, so my mother would sigh !!!

Tram grandfather lucky bag, tram pulls the young man swung
sits on bag.
Grandfather: 3.14zdets eggs!
The people: Grandpa, but who carries the eggs in a bag?
Grandfather: Yes, there is no eggs, there nails ...

I work in the IT-Schnick bank.
End of the month, pulled hard work. + Sutured + ...
Call tel. One of our client (client-bank they should), old client "God's dandelion." + You do not think I'm not a beast. + But it happened +.
K. Hello !!!
J. Good
K. We have the problem of not running the bank's clients.
After 40 minutes of dialogue, I realized hovered modem, well raskazivat where a button off, and you need to turn off and turn on the modem et escho 30 minutes + ...
Ya Restart machine ++
K. Good
It takes about two hours, call:
K. Hello !!!
J. Good
K. The car handled bags were counted but the Bank's customers and not working + .. ?????
Ya (spruce say almost crying with laughter) I mean computer +
K. As the computer ?? What I tell the boys ?? There's a ton of cars 3 + ...
Curtain + ...

Hackers got drunk and hungover erased Internet.

Ant - Elephant:
 - Be a friend, sit on this baby.
Elephant village.
 - But this baby lay on his back.
Elephant laid. Ant walked, and looked with delight:
 - That's a sandwich!

7 signs that the Disney cartoon Winnie the Pooh promotes drugs:
1. Donkey Eeyore - it all on the drum, his slow reaction and expressed lack of motivation - hemp
2. Piglet - all fears and suffering from delusions of persecution - mushrooms
3. Rabbit - everywhere pokes his big nose, everything he needs - cocaine
4. Tiger - can not stand still, constantly jumping and screaming never tired - Ecstasy
5. Christopher Robin can talk to animals - upotreblinet hallucinogens
6. Winnie The Pooh - a sweet tooth, has a truly boundless imagination - LSD
7. Owl - always comes to help, if someone has a "problem" - the dealer ...


See also

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