Mom was singing something under her nose, flipping the fragrant chops, and I was boiling inside. Bashny.Net

Being an orphan with a living parent is the painful story of many children whose mothers have been missing for decades. A child grows up with grandparents and forgets their own eyes. And when finally there is a fateful meeting, a conversation between mother and daughter cuts the soul like broken glass. How can an adult forgive a parent for a long absence?



A conversation between mother and daughter Mother energetically sang something under her nose, turning fragrant chops on the pan. I felt like I was boiling. Not only did it wake us all up neither the light nor the dawn, but it also rose to the stove. No one asked her to. For some reason, this woman decided that I was still eight and had the right to treat me like a real mother.

Twenty-three years ago, she left me for my grandmother and went to work in faraway Italy. I went to kindergarten at the time, I was very small. But I remember the day when I saw my mother off and just howled in despair. Like running out with her best dress. I thought she'd take me with her if I was the most beautiful girl in the world. But she left and my little world collapsed.



I remember how I enjoyed the multi-colored balls of foreign gum, gum and candy. How to brag to friends expensive dolls and new clothes. But what struck me the most was how jealous I was of other children. Their mothers were always there, but mine wasn’t.

I love my grandmother very much. She was always kind to me and taught me everything she knew. No matter how hard she tried, she could not replace her mother.
I've been waiting for my mom's vacation! Probably as much as I hated it. They were flying at a monstrous speed, and my mother was packing her bags and leaving for her damn Italy. I had to say goodbye to tears and hysterics and wait for her at the window.



A painful loss, something happened to me. It's like a light bulb went out inside. The very hot childhood affection on which unconditional love rests has broken. There was growing indifference there.

It was as if Italy had taken my mother away forever. Yes, she was still my parent. But she became more of a distant relative, who gives expensive toys on holidays. And then you start forgetting her facial features, her voice and her laughter.

I have to give my mom credit for her work. I earned a two-bedroom apartment, European renovation and my education. Each time she said that she was about to, a little more and she would come back. We just need to close this need and this one. As time passed, I stopped believing her words. She didn't come to my wedding. The old lady she was caring for fell down with a serious illness.



When she gave her soul to God, a new one appeared. You know, I was so hurt and funny about my experiences. I am an adult, it is time to accept everything as it is and move on. But when my mother-in-law stood up at the toast wedding and said she would speak for both moms, I felt like the loneliest person on earth. An orphan with a living parent.

And now, after many years, my mother finally stopped working. I decided it was time to return home. While she lives with my husband, but plans to move to my grandmother's apartment after repairs.

It's only been two months since she came back, but I can't take it anymore. Her teachings make my head crack. Why don’t you iron your towels after washing? Remember, they must be treated with steam so that the skin does not itch.” Or, "Why are you washing pasta?" You what? Italians don't do that. Let me show you how it works.”



This is the standard conversation between mother and daughter. Calls me like a baby. It is as if she is not a 28-year-old adult woman with two children, but an ill-considered ten-year-old.

At every step I hear, “Don’t do it, watch it.” When the teapot boils, I just leave the room so as not to say too much.
Does she not realize that we have been strangers for a long time? I grew up without her. No one but my grandmother brings us together. We don't even share photos! What to say about shared memories. We've lived different lives.

Mother and daughter: forgive or pardon? I owe everything to my deceased grandmother. She was there when I suffered from my first love, and when I failed the entrance exams. She knew all my misfortunes and victories, saw my tears and laughter. What about Mom? She had enough of my photos and the on-duty phone "all right."



And now she's rushing to make up for time spent apart. Why did she decide that making money was a good excuse to leave her child? Why is she so sure she can get it back? For what?

Yes, she bought me an apartment and studied at a prestigious university. But can that diploma and the walls get my mom back? Not this unfamiliar woman trying to teach adult life. And the mother of that little weeping girl who so desperately needed parental caress.

I'm sure not everyone will understand me. Especially those who lived side by side with their mother in childhood and youth. You know, I have two close friends whose mothers also spent half their lives working. Same situation. They are arranged in life, but deeply lonely and disliked inside.



I will say this: no money, toys and other benefits will replace the mother. They do not fill the void in the soul and do not rewind time back. It would be better if the three of us huddled in a modest one-shelter, bought clothes in second-hand, rested at the dacha by the river. I wish I had a mom instead of a stranger singing at dawn for unsolicited cooking.