Should children solve the problems of fully capable parents?

In human relations, the principle of mutual utility “you to me, I to you” prevails. But in the family, among the closest people, the situation is complicated. In communication parents and children often hear the phrase “we raised you, then you yourself”, or “we raised you, now help us”, or “dad, give money”. Who should help whom and should they?

Today's edition. "Site" talk about Should children help their parents? Or vice versa. And what to do if you do not cope with your problems, and you are also asked for help.



The financial difficulties began when I was 15 years old. Then the parents sold the apartment, left me and my sister grandmother, and went to work abroad, says 26-year-old Natalia.

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“When I came back, I was already 20. Parents bought a mortgage apartment, but things never got better. Now the mother and father were left without housing and without money. I gave everything I earned since I was a student to them, there are no savings or real estate. There is no way to help.”

“Parents expect our sister and I to help and are constantly reminded of this. They are able to work, there is still time until retirement, but they do not want to work. They expect children to solve problems for them. I'm under pressure. I can’t deal with my problems, and here they are... – complains the girl.



Of course, this is a difficult situation, and it is unlikely that an experienced psychologist will help to deal with financial problems in the family. And although it is impossible to leave relatives to the mercy of fate, it seems that Natalia’s parents shift the responsibility for their mistakes on the fragile shoulders of their daughters. There's no way to call it right.



“The questions here are very sensitive. Does the child have to live his life or does he have to support his mother and father? When to live for yourself, if all the resources go to support parents? asks psychologist Inna Chirkova.

“Just as apples should not give all the juice to a tree, so children should not live for their parents. In ideal conditions, parents themselves take care of their future, so as not to become a burden for their children. But this is not always the case in real life”.



“It is not Natalia’s fault that her parents were irresponsible in securing the future. Perhaps she should think about creating her own family, about securing her future. Let the girl ask herself if she has the right to do so.”

“If you stand on your feet, there is no problem in helping people close to you. Otherwise, one should first of all be responsible for oneself, giving parents the opportunity to cope with their material problems, the psychologist said.



The situation is difficult, and therefore it is unlikely to be solved without decisive action. Children should help parentsIf they have the opportunity. If they do not, they must first take care of themselves, so as not to become a burden for their children, not to destroy their own lives.