Psychologist Marina Travkova: “Parents are silent about this, and I will be silent...”

Being a parent of a growing child is worrying, scary and very difficult. Adolescence is accompanied by changes in the lives of both the child and the parents. Adolescents copy adult behavior because they don’t know what to do in a given situation. But what is behind this behavior and where will it lead the child?





No matter how much parents protect the child, sooner or later he will go on a first date, try alcohol and have sex for the first time. Dear parents, you need to accept this fact, all this happened with you, everyone was worried. juvenileRemember what it was like.





It is very important that during this period the teenager is not afraid to tell his relatives about what worries him, what happens to him and what he thinks. Talking to a teenager It should not cause shame or fear, the child should know that he can trust his parents.

Young children always share the most intimate things with their parents and always seek their help and comfort. So why do teenagers become so secretive and try to cope with everything themselves?

“It’s all about love,” says psychologist Marina Travkova. Teenagers are not as deaf as they seem to be to parental experiences. And, in order not to disturb us, they try to cope themselves.”





During this period, a teenager really needs an adult with whom you can share everything. Parents need to be patient, pull themselves together and listen to their child, no matter what they say.

He can tell you about being offered alcohol or a cigarette. All this should be heard calmly, without unnecessary emotions and judgments. Try to understand your child, so you will stay in touch with him and can come to the rescue when he needs it.





Talking about sex is especially difficult for both parents and teenagers. Parents often keep quiet about it, and children think it’s a taboo topic. It shouldn't be like this. It is better that the child learns about sex life and all the risks associated with it from parents, rather than from similarly inexperienced friends or from the Internet.

This will help protect the child from violence, because this problem in our society is systemic. All parents should understand that everything is ambiguous. Girls need to be protected from violence, and boys need to be talked about how not to become a rapist.

Let's figure out what to talk to the girl about and what to talk to the boy about.





What should I explain to the boy?

1. Sex should only occur by mutual consent. Only when two people feel sympathy for each other and consciously decide to take such a responsible step. That means having sex with a drunk girl at a party is violence.
2. We need to talk about age. Explain that if he is 18 or 19 and a girl is 15, it is illegal and criminally punishable.
3. Just because a girl flirts and flirts doesn’t mean she wants intimacy. No matter how defiant the girl behaves, it is rather a call to pay attention to her, but not to have sex. Such behavior does not give the right to demand something from a girl and think that she will agree to everything.
   
   
   
4. It’s also important to explain the physiology of the process, even if it’s embarrassing. Tell me how it really works, not in adult movies. Explain that the well-known landmark of porn films “she’s all wet” can mean not a willingness to intimacy, but fear or stress. It is important for the boy to understand that it is best to talk to her about the girl’s wishes.
5. Since we are talking about porn films, it would not be superfluous to explain to the boy that they are far from reality, it is not necessary to draw knowledge from there and certainly not worth inheriting the behavior of actors.
6. Talking about safety will be very helpful. And let teenagers talk about it everywhere, the child should get information from the father or mother. Don’t worry, but explain all the possible consequences. A teenager should understand how important it is to protect themselves in order to maintain their health and not become a father early.
   
   
   
7. Sex is not a sporting achievement but a pleasure. Teenagers need to understand that they don’t want to have sex just because other guys have.
8. Marina Travkova advises: “Tell your son and daughter about the simple rule “No”. Go away. Tell me. First, you need to say no clearly in response to harassment. “Leave” means to move away from that person immediately, not to try to persuade or argue. And “tell” is that you should immediately tell someone about what is happening, at least a friend, but better adults – parents. This will help protect the child from violence.
   
   
   

What should I explain to the girl?

1. Tell the girl that rapists are not some mythical creatures, but real people. That it's not necessarily some suspicious stranger. The abuser may be someone the girl trusts. You should always be careful, she should understand that. Always tell your parents where she is.
2. Talk to your daughter about a specific message that means she needs help. This will help to establish trust between you and give the opportunity to quickly rush the child to help.
   
   
   
3. Teach your daughter to refuse firmly and clearly in situations where she is harassed. She must be able to say no clearly, loudly and without a smile. You don't have to be polite.
4. Explain how some guys behave. No, you don't have to say that all men are dangerous and horrible. She needs to understand that some guys believe that a girl needs to be slapped and refusal can only make them cheerful. In such cases, the “no” rule should apply. Go away. Tell me.
5. Tell your daughter that relationships in which she is being controlled or humiliated are unhealthy. You should not continue a relationship with such a guy, because what first manifests itself as jealousy can turn into violence.
   
   
   
6. Ask your daughter to beware of drunk or inadequate people, so as not to put yourself in danger.
7. Explain to the girl that she should listen to herself and, if she is uncomfortable somewhere, she can safely leave. She should not be forced to do anything just out of solidarity or unwillingness to be different.
8. Teach your daughter to defend herself. Take him to self-defense. Such a skill will be useful.
   
   
   

Talking to a teenager is not easy, there is no doubt, but it is necessary. The child knows very little about this life, he needs a teacher and adviser. Be an example for a child, cultivate in him respect for himself and his own boundaries.

If you, a parent, respect his space, he will start doing it himself. Do not put pressure on a teenager, treat him as an adult, respect him, and he will treat himself this way. This will save him from wrongdoing and violence. Take care of yourself and your children!

Everyone should know that! Be sure to share this advice with other parents.