Why You Should Not Dedicate Yourself to Children

She got married early, barely finishing school. She gave birth to one child and a year later another. There was no time for career, hobbies and hobbies. All the time in cooking, washing, cleaning... And not to say that she didn't like it or that the family was unhappy, no. They grew up healthy and happy because their mother took care of them. They became the meaning of her life.




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That was the moment when the children grew up. One went to study in another country, and the other decided to build his own family and moved to live with the girl in a separate apartment. And at that very moment, her life collapsed. She's got nothing left. Bottom line: she is lonely, broken, and her life has become empty, and in the heart of the children lives a constant sense of guilt for her loneliness.



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A little different story. She got pregnant by a man who didn’t need them and decided to raise the baby for herself. The boy was always surrounded by care and love. The mother dragged everything on herself, trying to provide her son with a beautiful life, forgetting about herself, her personal life and dreams.

She succeeded, he grew up a successful boy, only with a sense of unpaid debt. Bottom line: he's 50, he's not married, he hasn't had children, he's still living with his mom trying to pay his debt. But it won't work.



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And one more. Her life was not particularly developed: her career did not go uphill (although she did not particularly aspire), the prince did not meet and the children, respectively, did not appear. And the number in the passport is already close to 40. So she decided to have a baby, so that she had something in her life. With the hands of her child, she wanted to implement all the plans that she could not implement herself.



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She wanted to be a pianist, but her own mother forbade her. Here she from an early age took the child to music school and waited for him to get her a star from the sky. But the child did not like the piano, he hated it with all his heart.

But my mom couldn't argue. “Mother has put all her life on you,” and that’s all the argument. As a result, the child never got a star from the sky, but rather, on the contrary, became an infantile adult without any ambitions. But he can play the piano.





DepositPhotos How many such stories? How many times have parents sacrificed their lives for the sake of their children, for the sake of their bright future, and made it worse for themselves and their children? There are millions of them. And all because parents make children the meaning of life. But this is completely wrong...

Indian wisdom says, “A child is a guest in your home.” This should always be remembered by every parent. The child is not your property, he is a person who has his own life, his hobbies, goals, dreams. It is the duty of parents to provide him with a happy childhood, to give the most necessary and to let go when the time comes. A child in a parent's life - not the center of the universe.



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Providing means giving what you can, not sacrificing everything as long as the child gets the best. We don't need these victims, the children don't need them. And if you do, the kids shouldn't even know. By reproaching them for what you have given them, you cultivate in them a sense of guilt, a sense of duty that they need to return.



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Except, Should children be parents?? In my humble opinion, no, they shouldn't. We make the decision to have children. But what are we doing this for? So they can do what we have failed to do? To take care of us in our old age? Agree, it's pretty selfish. It seems to me, first of all, all this is done in order to give new life to this world, to experience the happiness of motherhood or fatherhood.



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Pope Francis once said, “Jesus’ parents went to the temple to confirm that their son belongs to God, and that they are only protectors of His life, not owners.” This makes us think: all parents are defenders of children’s lives, not owners.”





On the other side of it is your life. As a parent, you never cease to be a person. Your interests, your personal life, and your dreams are as important as taking care of a child. Never forget that.

It is not worth living only for the sake of children, it is not worth making them the meaning of life. Find the meaning of life in another. Love your soul mate, the children will leave, but you will stay together. Neglect the family and the relationship between you and your chosen one is not worth it.

Love yourself. When you were a kid, what did you dream about? Well, remember that. Follow your dreams and try to find what you like. How can you teach your child to love themselves and achieve goals?





Please don’t live for the children. Of course, it's your choice, it's your business, and no one has the right to tell you what's right. But think about it... Now, when I see these children to whom their parents gave everything and more, it hurts me to look them in the eye. The guilt of those who cannot repay this unpaid debt to their parents. The broken hearts of those who have decided to build their lives but still cannot forgive themselves for abandoning their parents.

Children should not feel guilty for choosing to build their own lives. How else can they find their happiness? No one is saying that you shouldn’t love your children – love them with all your heart, give them happiness and joy, just remember that guardianship can be excessive. Sooner or later the children will grow up and will have to be released from this care.





As Cooper, the hero of my favorite science fiction movie, said, “Parents become the ghosts of their children’s future.” And I think every parent needs to think carefully about those words. What kind of ghost do you want to become for your children: a heavy burden or a bright memory?

What do you think about that? Share with us in the comments.