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Reflections on whether to give money to parents and whether reproaches can be avoided
Every month I give money to parentsEven though they're not asking me for help. I just understand that any penny will definitely not be extra in their budget. I know that not everyone holds this view. Moreover, for many this topic is very ambiguous. So today I propose to discuss together whether to help parents financially.
I give money to my parents to write this article. "Site" Inspired by a post recently published on Facebook.
Russian psychologist Yulia Zinovieva writes, “Parents ask you for money.” Give or not? Giving is taking away from your family. To deny yourself something, to deprive your children of something. Do not give - feel like an ungrateful child and receive reproaches: "We raised you, and now there is no one to bring a glass of water!" If you simply choose between giving or not giving, it will always be difficult to make such a decision and you will be thrown from side to side, from feelings of injustice to feelings of guilt and back. Why is this happening and what can be done about it? ?
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You need to understand that relationships are different in all families. Much depends on material wealth in general, as well as on the contact between parents and children. I think you’ve heard stories where children candidly sit on their parents’ necks as adults.
For some reason, they think that father and mother are obliged to provide for them for the rest of their lives. Just recently, we shared with you a story about a man who came to his elderly mother to give him money for a vacation abroad. Unbelievable!
There are situations where everything goes the opposite. Parents pressure their children to help them. At such moments, the typical phrases in the style of: "We gave you life, raised you." Now you have to help us! If there is no help, then the adult son or daughter will be called an ungrateful person.
Of course, both examples are extremes. But unfortunately, they actually exist in modern families. In the first case, the parents could just spoil their child, and so he grew up this way. And in the second case, the father and mother, in principle, remained far from what parenthood is. After all, reproaching your child and considering him a lifelong obligation, you can hardly achieve anything.
Families in which children grow up in harmony with themselves and the world are much smaller than those in which mutual respect and love have not been heard at all. In an ideal world, parents and their adult children can listen and hear each other. They don’t have to wait until they ask for help – they will offer it. They feel when something is wrong with their family.
But our reality is far from perfect, isn’t it? So no matter how old the children are, they will learn to get along with their parents throughout their lives. And vice versa. There is nothing wrong with going to a son or daughter and asking for financial help. It can be done gently and on a case basis. It's bad when that happens under pressure. No one likes to see their personal boundaries violated. It does not matter if it is a colleague or a mother.
Editor's opinion I am convinced that Parents need help. But not because they gave us life and we owe it to them. And because without mutual support and assistance to cope with any adversity of life is much more difficult. Adult children should call their parents more often and be corny interested in their lives. Time is fleeting; you never know what will happen tomorrow.
I don't give money to my parents out of a sense of duty or guilt. In my case, it’s probably an act of love. As for the usual emotions and feelings, I am rather stingy. Have you heard of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages? In my case, financial assistance to parents is one of them.
What do you think about that? How often do you help your parents financially and why do you do it? Be sure to share your point of view in the comments!
I give money to my parents to write this article. "Site" Inspired by a post recently published on Facebook.
Russian psychologist Yulia Zinovieva writes, “Parents ask you for money.” Give or not? Giving is taking away from your family. To deny yourself something, to deprive your children of something. Do not give - feel like an ungrateful child and receive reproaches: "We raised you, and now there is no one to bring a glass of water!" If you simply choose between giving or not giving, it will always be difficult to make such a decision and you will be thrown from side to side, from feelings of injustice to feelings of guilt and back. Why is this happening and what can be done about it? ?
395262
You need to understand that relationships are different in all families. Much depends on material wealth in general, as well as on the contact between parents and children. I think you’ve heard stories where children candidly sit on their parents’ necks as adults.
For some reason, they think that father and mother are obliged to provide for them for the rest of their lives. Just recently, we shared with you a story about a man who came to his elderly mother to give him money for a vacation abroad. Unbelievable!
There are situations where everything goes the opposite. Parents pressure their children to help them. At such moments, the typical phrases in the style of: "We gave you life, raised you." Now you have to help us! If there is no help, then the adult son or daughter will be called an ungrateful person.
Of course, both examples are extremes. But unfortunately, they actually exist in modern families. In the first case, the parents could just spoil their child, and so he grew up this way. And in the second case, the father and mother, in principle, remained far from what parenthood is. After all, reproaching your child and considering him a lifelong obligation, you can hardly achieve anything.
Families in which children grow up in harmony with themselves and the world are much smaller than those in which mutual respect and love have not been heard at all. In an ideal world, parents and their adult children can listen and hear each other. They don’t have to wait until they ask for help – they will offer it. They feel when something is wrong with their family.
But our reality is far from perfect, isn’t it? So no matter how old the children are, they will learn to get along with their parents throughout their lives. And vice versa. There is nothing wrong with going to a son or daughter and asking for financial help. It can be done gently and on a case basis. It's bad when that happens under pressure. No one likes to see their personal boundaries violated. It does not matter if it is a colleague or a mother.
Editor's opinion I am convinced that Parents need help. But not because they gave us life and we owe it to them. And because without mutual support and assistance to cope with any adversity of life is much more difficult. Adult children should call their parents more often and be corny interested in their lives. Time is fleeting; you never know what will happen tomorrow.
I don't give money to my parents out of a sense of duty or guilt. In my case, it’s probably an act of love. As for the usual emotions and feelings, I am rather stingy. Have you heard of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages? In my case, financial assistance to parents is one of them.
What do you think about that? How often do you help your parents financially and why do you do it? Be sure to share your point of view in the comments!
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