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How to raise a child without complexes
Where do insecure people come from, especially women? Where does a mature lady of 55 have a bunch of complexes, low self-esteem And a spoiled life? When there is a lack of love in childhood, in adulthood you have to rush at everyone who gives a kind word, instead of preserving your dignity and choosing a mature relationship. It is very important that the soul is filled with love and acceptance that only parents can provide.
The causes of all troubles lie in childhood. Unfortunately, many moms and dads have a strange principle of never praising a child. They believe that praise causes dependence on the opinion of others and a constant need for approval. Is that true?
DepositPhotos
The fact is that a small child does not yet know how to treat himself. By nature, no one has such an initial option, so the first assessment a child receives from the outside world – from parents. This is how self-esteem is formed. If a girl is told that she is the most beautiful, the most intelligent, talented, constantly praised and admired by her, then she will not become a narcissist and egotistical.
They don’t become selfish because they were praised as children. On the contrary, those girls who grew up without parental support, who were always pointed out to their shortcomings, develop inner self-doubt, and they spend their lives trying to gain the recognition of other people. They have no self-esteem at all, they expect everyone to admire them. And without getting what they want, they often get drunk.
DepositPhotos “Do not slouch”, “Draw in the stomach”, “Why not five?”, “You do not try”, “All children are like children, and you...” – these phrases parents destroy the child’s healthy perception of himself. The story of one of our subscribers will seem familiar to many.
“I have never been praised. You know, it hurts like mom and dad love you, but they never say it. How I missed that! And then, as a teenager, I would follow any man who said a single sweet word to me. Even married at the age of 18 to the first one who called, fearing that no one would call me again.
As an adult, I did not believe compliments – I thought it was flattery with malicious intent. It's very hard with men. At the same time, distrust and the shock of pleasant words.”
DepositPhotos
Why do seemingly loving parents so mutilate the souls of their children from an early age? Can't you just love, befriend, help, support? There is no place for children to receive praise, they have no other parents to do it. It is necessary to go beyond the limits in education and realize that the parental attitude greatly affects the child and it can be difficult for him.
The child does not come into this world by the will of his parents, for them and for their love. But what if he still slouches, clubby, slow?
If it is not harmful to health and is not dangerous, then you must accept any feature. The child will not sit and walk in a way that is uncomfortable. It is in his nature, and one must love him as he is. For more serious problems, there is help from doctors.
Children in school go through a hierarchical distribution stage. And if a girl is already raised doubting herself, then the first attempts of her peers to hurt her or offend her will be crowned with success. She will not be able to fight back and will take bullying for granted. Each time, the girl will receive confirmation of her “damage” and consider herself a nobody. It is even worse if your child wears glasses or glasses.
DepositPhotos
Insecure women find it difficult to make independent decisions. It will be difficult for her to even choose a dress in the store, decide at the closet, what to wear outside. Uncertainty prevents you from going unpainted into the bakery, because there is a fear inside: “you should hide yourself so bad”, hide your appearance behind clothes and cosmetics, you need to be someone else, become the one you like.
DepositPhotos
A confident woman, opening the closet, takes the thing, puts it on and goes. She doesn't suffer with the choice of dress in the store, she can go out for bread in a coat over her pajamas without combing and without makeup. She knows that she is already good and does not waste time on extra pretzels. By the way, if you look at men, then they do this all their lives - do not bother.
Deficiency of approval in childhood is a common phenomenon in the Soviet model of upbringing. You are appalled at how much firewood old-time parents have broken, raising a generation of traumatized people!
"I was ashamed to cry in front of relatives," admits Alice, 30. Because of this, I seemed callous to everyone, although I am not. With the arrival of my own children, I realized the cause of the problem. One day I heard my mother say to my daughter on the street, ‘What a shame! Shame not to cry so much, now everyone will see! She said the same thing to me as a child. Such phrases prevent children from working out and expressing their emotions.
My parents weren’t close to me: they didn’t hug me, they weren’t interested in the evenings, how my day was, they didn’t say that they loved me, that I was smart, beautiful, diligent. I constantly doubted myself.”
I was beaten with a belt - in Soviet times it was a very popular punishment. And I don't understand this method of parenting: how can you beat a defenseless child? Show your physical superiority? Do children remember being whipped? Yeah. Do you remember what? Nope.
Fortunately, over time, approaches to communicating with children change. A child in a modern family It gets more attention than before. Advocating respect for children offers a chance to interrupt this generational trauma.
It is forbidden to give a child negative comments about his appearance or mental abilities. The child must learn to accept and love himself as he is, and parents must support him in this.
DepositPhotos
I am glad that even in adulthood there is an opportunity to cure childhood turmoil and learn to live happily without hurt and pain. Several sessions of psychotherapy allow you to eliminate such injuries that since childhood did not allow you to exist normally.
And do not treat this reprehensible: after all, with a broken leg and bleeding wounds, we also turn to specialists for help. So why do we deny ourselves the help of a therapist?
Even if parents have not invested confidence since childhood, it can be raised independently. It is important to remember that there is no universal standard of beauty and it is impossible to please everyone. Trying to compare yourself to someone is a waste of energy.
How to become more confident in yourself
DepositPhotos “I will never do what my parents did” – often say young moms and dads. Unfortunately, this does not guarantee against making mistakes. But it is good if you stop in time and pay attention to the legality of your actions.
Child's place in the family You should always be close to your parents. Because it is with them that he can solve his age issues and overcome crises.
If you recognize yourself in these stories, share in the comments how parenting as a child influenced your adult behavior. Does the child need to address a minimum of criticism and only positive?
The causes of all troubles lie in childhood. Unfortunately, many moms and dads have a strange principle of never praising a child. They believe that praise causes dependence on the opinion of others and a constant need for approval. Is that true?
DepositPhotos
The fact is that a small child does not yet know how to treat himself. By nature, no one has such an initial option, so the first assessment a child receives from the outside world – from parents. This is how self-esteem is formed. If a girl is told that she is the most beautiful, the most intelligent, talented, constantly praised and admired by her, then she will not become a narcissist and egotistical.
They don’t become selfish because they were praised as children. On the contrary, those girls who grew up without parental support, who were always pointed out to their shortcomings, develop inner self-doubt, and they spend their lives trying to gain the recognition of other people. They have no self-esteem at all, they expect everyone to admire them. And without getting what they want, they often get drunk.
DepositPhotos “Do not slouch”, “Draw in the stomach”, “Why not five?”, “You do not try”, “All children are like children, and you...” – these phrases parents destroy the child’s healthy perception of himself. The story of one of our subscribers will seem familiar to many.
“I have never been praised. You know, it hurts like mom and dad love you, but they never say it. How I missed that! And then, as a teenager, I would follow any man who said a single sweet word to me. Even married at the age of 18 to the first one who called, fearing that no one would call me again.
As an adult, I did not believe compliments – I thought it was flattery with malicious intent. It's very hard with men. At the same time, distrust and the shock of pleasant words.”
DepositPhotos
Why do seemingly loving parents so mutilate the souls of their children from an early age? Can't you just love, befriend, help, support? There is no place for children to receive praise, they have no other parents to do it. It is necessary to go beyond the limits in education and realize that the parental attitude greatly affects the child and it can be difficult for him.
The child does not come into this world by the will of his parents, for them and for their love. But what if he still slouches, clubby, slow?
If it is not harmful to health and is not dangerous, then you must accept any feature. The child will not sit and walk in a way that is uncomfortable. It is in his nature, and one must love him as he is. For more serious problems, there is help from doctors.
Children in school go through a hierarchical distribution stage. And if a girl is already raised doubting herself, then the first attempts of her peers to hurt her or offend her will be crowned with success. She will not be able to fight back and will take bullying for granted. Each time, the girl will receive confirmation of her “damage” and consider herself a nobody. It is even worse if your child wears glasses or glasses.
DepositPhotos
Insecure women find it difficult to make independent decisions. It will be difficult for her to even choose a dress in the store, decide at the closet, what to wear outside. Uncertainty prevents you from going unpainted into the bakery, because there is a fear inside: “you should hide yourself so bad”, hide your appearance behind clothes and cosmetics, you need to be someone else, become the one you like.
DepositPhotos
A confident woman, opening the closet, takes the thing, puts it on and goes. She doesn't suffer with the choice of dress in the store, she can go out for bread in a coat over her pajamas without combing and without makeup. She knows that she is already good and does not waste time on extra pretzels. By the way, if you look at men, then they do this all their lives - do not bother.
Deficiency of approval in childhood is a common phenomenon in the Soviet model of upbringing. You are appalled at how much firewood old-time parents have broken, raising a generation of traumatized people!
"I was ashamed to cry in front of relatives," admits Alice, 30. Because of this, I seemed callous to everyone, although I am not. With the arrival of my own children, I realized the cause of the problem. One day I heard my mother say to my daughter on the street, ‘What a shame! Shame not to cry so much, now everyone will see! She said the same thing to me as a child. Such phrases prevent children from working out and expressing their emotions.
My parents weren’t close to me: they didn’t hug me, they weren’t interested in the evenings, how my day was, they didn’t say that they loved me, that I was smart, beautiful, diligent. I constantly doubted myself.”
I was beaten with a belt - in Soviet times it was a very popular punishment. And I don't understand this method of parenting: how can you beat a defenseless child? Show your physical superiority? Do children remember being whipped? Yeah. Do you remember what? Nope.
Fortunately, over time, approaches to communicating with children change. A child in a modern family It gets more attention than before. Advocating respect for children offers a chance to interrupt this generational trauma.
It is forbidden to give a child negative comments about his appearance or mental abilities. The child must learn to accept and love himself as he is, and parents must support him in this.
DepositPhotos
I am glad that even in adulthood there is an opportunity to cure childhood turmoil and learn to live happily without hurt and pain. Several sessions of psychotherapy allow you to eliminate such injuries that since childhood did not allow you to exist normally.
And do not treat this reprehensible: after all, with a broken leg and bleeding wounds, we also turn to specialists for help. So why do we deny ourselves the help of a therapist?
Even if parents have not invested confidence since childhood, it can be raised independently. It is important to remember that there is no universal standard of beauty and it is impossible to please everyone. Trying to compare yourself to someone is a waste of energy.
How to become more confident in yourself
- To break the dependence on someone else’s opinion, you need to stop asking friends and relatives about your appearance. Questions such as “Do I look good?”, “Do you like my hair?”, “How do you like my new dress?”
- Remove girlfriends or salespeople from helping you choose clothes and rely only on your opinion.
- Never change your mind and finish everything.
- Love your body as a whole, not parts. Hair, legs, face - all well in the kit.
- Keep telling yourself that you are unique, special, and unique. Stop comparing yourself to others and start loving yourself for nothing.
DepositPhotos “I will never do what my parents did” – often say young moms and dads. Unfortunately, this does not guarantee against making mistakes. But it is good if you stop in time and pay attention to the legality of your actions.
Child's place in the family You should always be close to your parents. Because it is with them that he can solve his age issues and overcome crises.
If you recognize yourself in these stories, share in the comments how parenting as a child influenced your adult behavior. Does the child need to address a minimum of criticism and only positive?
