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Why not live with your parents?
Sooner or later, beloved children grow up and have to start a separate life: alone, with friends or with a partner. No matter how much you want to move out and create your own family, in our realities it often happens differently: many can not afford not only to buy, rent an apartment on the outskirts, others feel that they are not yet ready to leave, and remain with their parents indefinitely, others leave, but return not alone, but in the company of a spouse and a child.
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Sometimes a close-knit family under one roof manages to build trusting and respectful relationships, but most often swearing can not be avoided. "Site" explain why parenthood A pledge of painful relationships and a bottomless bag of quarrels and conflicts.
Unfortunately, families in which generations live separately from each other, in the post-Soviet space less than half. Most young spouses continue to live with their parents. It used to be the norm. In Soviet times, “in crampedness, but not in resentment”, when there was no intima, and everyone was united by peace, labor and May, they could huddle in Khrushchuby.
But this housing was built as a temporary, to replace the barracks. The plans were not that in the drenched five-story buildings with a combined bathroom will live for generations, giving birth to children and cramming each other. It is the joint life in a cramped room that leads to the fact that relatives change roles in the family, do not feel their boundaries.
There is confusion: who educates whom and who bears financial responsibility for whom. And in fact, such cohabitation, as in royal times, can be considered incest. Though not physical, as was the son-of-law, but moral exactly.
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When a wife’s parents move in, they adopt him. And both spouses play two roles: husband and wife and children for their adult parents. What if children are added to it? It's so stupid! The child does not understand whose authority is stronger – grandmother or mother. One said it is impossible, the other allows, the child is worn between one and the other generation, knowing that he will get everything he wants, the main thing is to know who to turn to.
Grandparents, meanwhile, turn into a second pair of parents - to replace the stagnant mother and father. And parents in front of the child receive scolding from the elders, losing all respect in the eyes of the younger generation. What will all this ultimately lead to? To three generations of infantile, dependent people who do not know how to build personal boundaries and take responsibility for their lives.
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Therefore, if you are an adult and you want to have your own children or are already raising them, learn how to do it. live apart. Separate yourself from your parents and leave them alone. Let them live their lives as they can. No need to re-educate or re-educate them. You don't have to push them or drag them to you. Take care of yourself. But most importantly, take care of yourself at a distance from the older generation, in your home.
Otherwise, you will never truly grow up and will not be able to raise independent children. It is impossible for an adult son or daughter to live peacefully under the same roof with his parents and be an adult, to live his mind and to act contrary to the opinion of the older generation – it is simply impossible!
You are either waiting for constant scandals, or you will have to obey your mother and father in everything, give up the rights of an adult. Why? Renting an apartment is much cheaper than your freedom, writes psychologist Olga Yurkovskaya in her blog.
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Out of the situation
How do you feel about living together under one roof? Share your opinion in the comments under the article.
DepositPhotos
Sometimes a close-knit family under one roof manages to build trusting and respectful relationships, but most often swearing can not be avoided. "Site" explain why parenthood A pledge of painful relationships and a bottomless bag of quarrels and conflicts.
Unfortunately, families in which generations live separately from each other, in the post-Soviet space less than half. Most young spouses continue to live with their parents. It used to be the norm. In Soviet times, “in crampedness, but not in resentment”, when there was no intima, and everyone was united by peace, labor and May, they could huddle in Khrushchuby.
But this housing was built as a temporary, to replace the barracks. The plans were not that in the drenched five-story buildings with a combined bathroom will live for generations, giving birth to children and cramming each other. It is the joint life in a cramped room that leads to the fact that relatives change roles in the family, do not feel their boundaries.
There is confusion: who educates whom and who bears financial responsibility for whom. And in fact, such cohabitation, as in royal times, can be considered incest. Though not physical, as was the son-of-law, but moral exactly.
DepositPhotos
When a wife’s parents move in, they adopt him. And both spouses play two roles: husband and wife and children for their adult parents. What if children are added to it? It's so stupid! The child does not understand whose authority is stronger – grandmother or mother. One said it is impossible, the other allows, the child is worn between one and the other generation, knowing that he will get everything he wants, the main thing is to know who to turn to.
Grandparents, meanwhile, turn into a second pair of parents - to replace the stagnant mother and father. And parents in front of the child receive scolding from the elders, losing all respect in the eyes of the younger generation. What will all this ultimately lead to? To three generations of infantile, dependent people who do not know how to build personal boundaries and take responsibility for their lives.
DepositPhotos
Therefore, if you are an adult and you want to have your own children or are already raising them, learn how to do it. live apart. Separate yourself from your parents and leave them alone. Let them live their lives as they can. No need to re-educate or re-educate them. You don't have to push them or drag them to you. Take care of yourself. But most importantly, take care of yourself at a distance from the older generation, in your home.
Otherwise, you will never truly grow up and will not be able to raise independent children. It is impossible for an adult son or daughter to live peacefully under the same roof with his parents and be an adult, to live his mind and to act contrary to the opinion of the older generation – it is simply impossible!
You are either waiting for constant scandals, or you will have to obey your mother and father in everything, give up the rights of an adult. Why? Renting an apartment is much cheaper than your freedom, writes psychologist Olga Yurkovskaya in her blog.
DepositPhotos
Out of the situation
- Of course, the best way out of this situation is by any means to strive for a separate, independent life: rent an apartment or save for your own housing. Conflicts with parents, accumulated during the period of living together, can lead to a deterioration of relationships for life. It is said that love is known from a distance. Living in their home, young spouses are less likely to divorce, already adult children retain a reverent relationship with their parents, and a separate life motivates young people to rapid personal and career growth.
DepositPhotos - If life has brought together several generations under one roof, both children and parents should learn not to escape from solving problems and not to wear masks all day long, but sincerely discuss the painful. It is extremely important to express your opinion softly and tactfully, without shouting and reproaches. Not just children and parents live under one roof, but two separate families with their own habits and way of life. Rejoice for each other, support each other, hide your excessive demands away and bring more positive emotions to the atmosphere of your home.
DepositPhotos - Parents, in whose house a young family has settled for an indefinite period, should not prevent children from making their own decisions and organizing their personal lives. Remember the beginning of your family life. Believe me, living with you under the same roof, children are in unpleasant constraint, which often deprives any confidence, especially when all friends have already got their own housing. Give your children more freedom to build healthy and successful relationships in their own families.
DepositPhotos - Children, no matter how old you are, try to contain your audacious youthful emotions when it comes to conflicts with those closest to you. Remember that parents don’t want to hurt you, they just look at the world differently. And if you have to live under one roof, be kind to respect the traditions and order of the house in which you were allowed to live.
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How do you feel about living together under one roof? Share your opinion in the comments under the article.
