A single mother tells how unpleasant it is when you are constantly married to someone

Single women may not be the norm, but also not a vice. The label “no one needs,” to put it mildly, has long been inappropriate for them. Moreover, if they have children, they have already realized themselves in motherhood, and this alone can make them happy. But stereotypes in society cannot be easily removed. You have to try. Today's article is about How a woman becomes confident.



She came to our editorial office. letter. In it, she shares the painful, her observations and reflections. And she talks about how she came to accept herself, became confident and more successful. We believe that this experience will be useful to other women in similar circumstances.

How a Woman Becomes Confident Send a letter with a life story and reasoning unchanged.

Ever since I got pregnant with a man I love, and he didn’t marry me, I have long considered myself unnecessary. With the help of parents and the society in which she grew up. I was living in a small district at the time.

Having a baby was my firm decision. My father and mother clasped their teeth and supported me. I didn’t miss an opportunity to say how “shameful” I am. My grandson was loved and tried to push me into the background even in raising their own child. What can such a mother give a child? I only tolerated it because deep down I believed it. Now I think it's crazy. Funny and bitter at the same time.



© Freepik You can tell a long story about that period of life. Excess kilograms, grooming (and why? I rarely even looked in the mirror), complexity. Men were out of the question. Neither I nor they noticed me.

How can I help you know what saved you? There's a spark of faith in my heart that things could be different and I could make it out. My sons are still a motivation. I loved reading all sorts of psychology articles and learned that a happy mother would have happy children.

But I couldn't do it alone. One summer I met a former classmate, Nina. She came on vacation to her parents, said that she lives in the capital, works as a psychologist. I told you about mine. Without shame or embarrassment, as it was. Nina decided to help, because for her it is an interesting practice.



Then we tried many techniques and techniques available to modern psychologists. Now it’s a little funny to remember, and then I selflessly plunged into working on myself, deciding to change my life at all costs. And you know what? I did it!

Not immediately, not quite, but gradually. It was as if I was reassembling myself. It took years to “fix” everything. I am still doing this at a different pace. And under the motto, which became a joke of Nina then: "If you dig into yourself, then at the same time plant something."

The life of a single mother I moved with the child to the regional center. To remove a small “odnushka” helped living there cousin. She helped to identify the little ones in the garden. I got a job as a dishwasher near my house.

Finished. welfare My parents (and my parents) have made the decision. It wasn’t easy: “In order to give you this piece of paper, you have to bring it from there and from there.” To facilitate the task helped a sense of humor and perception of the situation as a quest: "Gather some papers - get some money."



Oh, and I started taking care of myself. Excess weight almost went away, because constant stress and running contributed to this. I went to a beauty salon for the first time. Yes, as a model. A friend suggested that any cosmetic procedures can be free or for a symbolic price if you go there as a model. That is, the master teaches his students, they hone their skills on me in practice. And everyone's happy!

With parents had to argue and defend their rights. My head was twisted, and I insisted on mine. And it had to go through. I have forgiven them, and we talk a little.

Healthy self-esteem in life From "no one needs" I still became necessary. First of all, myself. And others. My child sees a more happy mother. Yes, I sometimes have a heartache that he grows up without a father and they do not communicate. But it's not that sad.



A son who already goes to school, also a few children do not have a dad, mostly all just mom. Ordinary school, not some special school, where children are driven from the "bab with a trailer." I see these children, along with others, growing and developing.

One day, after a parent meeting, I heard a monologue from a "decent" married mother. It was either in support of half-orphans (that is, without dads), or in the address of “non-compliant” their mothers. I remember, she says: “Here are all so well-groomed, ironed: no fats, no wrinkles, hair laser removed everywhere. What's the use? Who needs it? They don't have men. Men love me with my 94 kilograms. Don't even wear makeup. Like flies on honey! (the last phrase she uttered is like that).



I looked at this woman (perhaps she’s younger than me) and said nothing. Meaning? I made my own conclusions. Perhaps she is satisfied with the presence of a “man” nearby, even if drunk and not always courteous. But why did she suddenly decide that caring for herself equals wanting to find a male? Maybe a normal woman wants to see a normal man, sober, loving and more or less fulfilled in life.

I get matched up for someone from time to time. I feel it's not mine. What kind of habit do our people have? A friend says, “Everybody wants to ‘fix’ me, too.” I get regular offers or just get married. I've been there before and I don't want to!

It may be strange, but I love my loneliness. I am used to independence, I know how to earn and cope with domestic problems. And to endure other people's mood swings, to listen to instructions "how and what to do" - forgive me, this is in the past. It is easier for me to buy a bag myself (coat, iPhone) than to endure other people’s bullying for these things.



I have long taken off my rose-colored glasses and am not expecting a prince on a white horse. I just know that everything has its time and for every product. Anything in this life is possible. It is not for nothing that a gypsy once said to me: “You will have three children and a good husband, you will be carried in your arms.”

This is how a woman becomes confident in herself. It was a journey worth making. For your happiness and the future of your children. I have no regrets. Thank you for reading my confession.



© Freepik We have nothing to add. After reading the letter, I want to sit in silence and think about my own. Different people with different fates may perceive each other differently. We stand in solidarity with the woman who wrote to us. I wish her and others like her happiness. Let it all work out. You're worthy!

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