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Let your son go! Stages of separation of boy from mother
The possibilities and prospects of healthy separation of the son from the mother depend on the upbringing, and those events that occur in childhood.
There are several stages of separation from parents:
Initially, the child is in the womb, is in complete merger with the mother and does not think about any separation.
As the baby grows, it becomes too tight in his stomach. After nine months, it becomes very crowded and he, or rather they together – both mother and child, begin the process of childbirth.
And this is the first and obvious separation. The child becomes separate, albeit very, for a certain period of time, dependent on the mother.
In the process of childbirth, passing the birth canal, he exerts a lot of strength to be born.
Therefore, the way childbirth takes place can affect the personality of the future adult.
If the birth was by cesarean section, that is, without the active participation of the baby, he does not get an important primary experience of overcoming, winning over difficulties. .
The child grows, perceives the world, and At different times she needs her mother.
If the child was separated from the mother for a long time, for example for medical reasons, this can also affect the process of subsequent separation.
There are many nuances of how birth and upbringing can affect the further development of the personality. And how free a person will be, with his own resource, energy and life plan, depends very much on the completeness of separation.
There are mothers who initially, from birth, raise a child so that he will forever remain her child and not get independence.
In a successful version, the separation ends in the years 18-20, but may not happen at all.
Stages of separation:
1. symbiosis
If the child is small, he looks at his mother as if she were God.
If the “child” is 30 years old, he looks at his mother, or at a woman, like God, from the bottom up. (As is, but not naturally).
If a man communicates with a woman “from below”, he is “stuck” in the stage of symbiosis. At this stage, he is not going anywhere to separate, can appear infantile, and is very "stick" to the woman, well, to the mother. .
2. Puer (not the one that teas)
The Latin term puer aeternus, meaning “eternal youth”, is borrowed from Ovid’s Metamorphosis.
In Jungian psychology, the term ruer aeternus is used to describe a certain type of man: charming, attractive, creative, passionate about his dreams and fantasies. Such men often retain adolescent psychology, even as adults. As a rule, they themselves are full of life, but the people around them experience sometimes strange emotional emptiness.
So this is a man with adolescent psychology.
How it manifests itself in relationships with women.
Such a man, regardless of age, no matter how he played, did not walk. He takes a lot, but does not know how to give equally in exchange. He is not ready to make serious decisions and take responsibility.
When he loves a woman, he cannot be in a stable relationship with her. It can change, go away and come back again, disappear, then appear and fall to its feet. . .
Such impermanence, frivolity are characteristic of men who are stuck in the second stage of separation. In childhood of this stageThis is the age when the child learns the world, but has the need to return to a safe shelter (to the mother on the handles).
An adult man who has not passed this stage in childhood has no strength for direct confrontation, and he acts as a pendulum - where he swung, there he will be. In male-female relationships, this can lead to conflict.
3. Direct confrontation
In childhood, this period comes then. When the outside world becomes much more attractive and promising than life behind the sinus of mom.
Then to go out into the big world, Adolescents need to face direct confrontation. At this time, child-parent conflicts intensify, and become unbearable also because at this stage the mother’s son is devalued. To make it easier to leave, to separate, he may need to devalue his mother.
It can be in the form of insults, neglect, reluctance to eat what mother cooks (preferably fast food).
A man stuck in this stage of separation will be similarly shown in relationships with women – depreciation, “all women are s**ts,” and other chauvinism. In this state, a man hardly perceives the value of a woman and looks at her opposite, from top to bottom. This can be the cause of divorce, breakup of relationships.
Stage 4. Finally!
At this stage, the man notices the woman, recognizes her equality, listens to her opinion.
At the same time, he can live completely independently from his mother, or his mother-wife and cope.
Mother is now perceived as a beloved, as the one who gave birth, but ceases to be a “special” woman.
And then a man can build a really close and inspiring relationship with a woman.
In our country, there is a difficulty with this - "culturally and historically" it turned out that not all men have achieved complete separation. WWII and a number of previous events have had an impact on gender mechanisms. published
Author: Tatiana Smirnova, based on lectures by Julia Zotova
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: www.b17.ru/article/44108/
There are several stages of separation from parents:
Initially, the child is in the womb, is in complete merger with the mother and does not think about any separation.
As the baby grows, it becomes too tight in his stomach. After nine months, it becomes very crowded and he, or rather they together – both mother and child, begin the process of childbirth.
And this is the first and obvious separation. The child becomes separate, albeit very, for a certain period of time, dependent on the mother.
In the process of childbirth, passing the birth canal, he exerts a lot of strength to be born.
Therefore, the way childbirth takes place can affect the personality of the future adult.
If the birth was by cesarean section, that is, without the active participation of the baby, he does not get an important primary experience of overcoming, winning over difficulties. .
The child grows, perceives the world, and At different times she needs her mother.
If the child was separated from the mother for a long time, for example for medical reasons, this can also affect the process of subsequent separation.
There are many nuances of how birth and upbringing can affect the further development of the personality. And how free a person will be, with his own resource, energy and life plan, depends very much on the completeness of separation.
There are mothers who initially, from birth, raise a child so that he will forever remain her child and not get independence.
In a successful version, the separation ends in the years 18-20, but may not happen at all.
Stages of separation:
1. symbiosis
If the child is small, he looks at his mother as if she were God.
If the “child” is 30 years old, he looks at his mother, or at a woman, like God, from the bottom up. (As is, but not naturally).
If a man communicates with a woman “from below”, he is “stuck” in the stage of symbiosis. At this stage, he is not going anywhere to separate, can appear infantile, and is very "stick" to the woman, well, to the mother. .
2. Puer (not the one that teas)
The Latin term puer aeternus, meaning “eternal youth”, is borrowed from Ovid’s Metamorphosis.
In Jungian psychology, the term ruer aeternus is used to describe a certain type of man: charming, attractive, creative, passionate about his dreams and fantasies. Such men often retain adolescent psychology, even as adults. As a rule, they themselves are full of life, but the people around them experience sometimes strange emotional emptiness.
So this is a man with adolescent psychology.
How it manifests itself in relationships with women.
Such a man, regardless of age, no matter how he played, did not walk. He takes a lot, but does not know how to give equally in exchange. He is not ready to make serious decisions and take responsibility.
When he loves a woman, he cannot be in a stable relationship with her. It can change, go away and come back again, disappear, then appear and fall to its feet. . .
Such impermanence, frivolity are characteristic of men who are stuck in the second stage of separation. In childhood of this stageThis is the age when the child learns the world, but has the need to return to a safe shelter (to the mother on the handles).
An adult man who has not passed this stage in childhood has no strength for direct confrontation, and he acts as a pendulum - where he swung, there he will be. In male-female relationships, this can lead to conflict.
3. Direct confrontation
In childhood, this period comes then. When the outside world becomes much more attractive and promising than life behind the sinus of mom.
Then to go out into the big world, Adolescents need to face direct confrontation. At this time, child-parent conflicts intensify, and become unbearable also because at this stage the mother’s son is devalued. To make it easier to leave, to separate, he may need to devalue his mother.
It can be in the form of insults, neglect, reluctance to eat what mother cooks (preferably fast food).
A man stuck in this stage of separation will be similarly shown in relationships with women – depreciation, “all women are s**ts,” and other chauvinism. In this state, a man hardly perceives the value of a woman and looks at her opposite, from top to bottom. This can be the cause of divorce, breakup of relationships.
Stage 4. Finally!
At this stage, the man notices the woman, recognizes her equality, listens to her opinion.
At the same time, he can live completely independently from his mother, or his mother-wife and cope.
Mother is now perceived as a beloved, as the one who gave birth, but ceases to be a “special” woman.
And then a man can build a really close and inspiring relationship with a woman.
In our country, there is a difficulty with this - "culturally and historically" it turned out that not all men have achieved complete separation. WWII and a number of previous events have had an impact on gender mechanisms. published
Author: Tatiana Smirnova, based on lectures by Julia Zotova
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: www.b17.ru/article/44108/
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