I wish every adoptive parent could understand that it is not necessary to wait for love (especially unconditional) neither the child, nor the child.
Because love is a feeling which cannot be controlled. And before you go, child in the orphanage, we ask ourselves, are we ready to just live with this child (especially since we don't know still really)?
Are you ready to take care of him, even if love's not special there? And if we decide that Yes, we will be able to live, because it is not for love we take (for the love of blood children there are), but because we have a need to help him and the forces and capabilities is, then I go and bring the baby home.
But me and my husband have parents, relatives, friends, virtual friends who were not particularly deep into the topic of adoptive parenting. They do not know what adaptation do not know that children, who from birth live in the orphanage — I have no idea what mom (no matter how pitiful they didn't sing songs about her), and to any family they didn't cause they don't know what a family is and why it is needed.
But not just that, these people with the inspiration to begin to tell me that everyone is treated with love, you just need to take the pen eight-year-old boy, firmly pressing down firmly, and to love until it thawed. It's just that simple!
When I hear this, the first few seconds feel like a soulless creature. Then, remember that these people have never interacted with the kids from DD, and if you offer them to take one semiletku his house to check if I proposed remedy is likely to refuse. "No, I can't" say. "And you, you and otography love. And can't warm up, then take nothing." And be offended. They're like the best, with all your soul to me, and I have to offer!
So, no need to tell me anything, friends. I find it very confusing. Starting to feel bad, how is it, it's true, the boy ever mother had, which would have hugged him gently and said that she is the most. And I brought into the house and so stingy with the warmth of a mother. Tiarco probably and embrace as expected, and say what you need. My heart of stone or what? I am a stepmother, not a mother!
But let's soberly look at the situation.
Cyril. Boy objector, with a serious chronic illness, the parents don't know anything, "the national" as saying among foster parents. For seven years in an orphanage — no family took the direction of a familiarity with him.
And now he's home. Mom, dad, brothers, sisters, and grandparents! Dressed in everything new, eat for two (4 kg in two months added). In stores with a take on the mail, for a drag. Books read aloud the words on the cards learn, informative of the watch to school prepared. Include music, singing and circling. Every day — a bubble bath and a bunch of soldiers in a boat. Well did he live?
The problem that I describe is a problem which Cyril does not know! This is what I see in him and want to fix it. Because if they are correct, it will be easier for me to live with him. It may even be able to love him. And Cyril, my love will be good, though without it he will live. Because, first, he doesn't know what it should be, love, parent, and secondly, I care about him the same as other children and this concern may well go for love.
For the baby there is something much more important than a powerful weight or birth in time!9 ways to be good parents, doing nothing
So there's no rush. And I can afford not to follow the advice of people not in the subject, and may not respond to questions from the VC and FB. You can not write about it in LJ, if you have nothing to write. Can not take Cyril on the handle, if I don't want to, but if you want you can hug and say good for him. I abruptly became easier because I realized that I owe nothing. We should not hurry to fix all the faults of Cyril, don't force yourself to do something that is not desirable.published
Author: Olesya Lihanova many children.