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What age children are ready for responsibility
When parents in the consultations ask me what age you need to place the responsibility on the child, I suggest to use the model of "Zone of proximal development" (L. Vygotsky).
Inner circle – what the child can do himself, the next circle a little more – what the child can do with their parents, and the rest – that the child is not yet able to do, either personally or together with a parent. And gradually expand these circles. As soon as the child himself is able in two years take the plate and put it in the sink – then it is their responsibility: take the plate, put in the sink. As soon as he can dress himself independently, then he dresses himself.
The older the child becomes, the more he can do himself. If the child is seven or eight years can afford to fry eggs or to warm something in the microwave, so he makes himself, not father-mother doing for him.
Maybe in two or three years to help to hang the washing out – it helps. Then this responsibility passes to him completely. In seven or eight years maybe. your bags, pass. To get ready for school himself. Forgot something, the teacher yelled at him., all the children were, and he didn't – next time will remember. But the consequences for their bad decisions for my forgetfulness and other – responsibility must remain with the child.
Option, when a child forgot something, and you rushed to remember and look for him – so you of this responsibility back on itself took. Let the baby get what is called "natural consequences": do not get something, you stay single without that something and criticize you for it. And next time you'll remember that there will be consequences, and will make sure that they were not. The main thing is not to intervene wherever possible not to interfere.
I can give you my own example: I didn't like that in the morning, instead of gathering in a garden or on exercise, children included DVD, and this dramatically slowed down their fees. I was warned that once I the morning to see included DVD, I immediately break this drive, which they look. They told me, of course, did not believe, and then in the morning I go to the gym, and they slowly dressed under the next film or cartoon. I take out the disk and break.
It is so beautifully into several parts scattered. I throw on the carpet these fragments and say that we are leaving in five minutes. Calmly, without hysterics, no shouting, silently, I warned you, you broke and left. Since then, I have never in the morning, not the TV. I tried tonight to convincingly explain that my decision is not economically feasible, I now have a new disk to buy.
Disk costs less than a dollar pack of one hundred pieces, and it was recorded. I said, "No, children, you have not guessed it you will have no more of this disc. I additionally will not be any money to spend to restore it". All the problem is solved. My mother once fulfilled his promise. "I don't like that you turn on in the morning cartoons, then you will not have this disc".
And thus it is possible to solve any problems. Declared its borders and has fulfilled what he promised. Max after the second time before the children realize that "don't go here – there's a wall".
And don't need the parent to survive as a child listens to other adults. There is a professional adult educator, no matter the teacher in the garden, a teacher at the school, the coach in the sports section, the teacher on the mug. And a child, getting into that environment, see how to behave with other children, as it should lead to, what the rules and regulations.
HAPPINESS is a side effect of normal life
Lessons in forgiveness
And somehow without you there he will learn how to comply with these rules, regulations and boundaries. But only if you that responsibility does not hang, do not pull on themselves. Once you begin to take responsibility for his relationships with others an adult – you "hit". You made this mistake, and it will be worse. Leave adult the teacher and your child the opportunity to reach an agreement. Will cope without you.published
Author: Olga Yurkovskaya
Source: yurkovskaya.livejournal.com/123187.html
Inner circle – what the child can do himself, the next circle a little more – what the child can do with their parents, and the rest – that the child is not yet able to do, either personally or together with a parent. And gradually expand these circles. As soon as the child himself is able in two years take the plate and put it in the sink – then it is their responsibility: take the plate, put in the sink. As soon as he can dress himself independently, then he dresses himself.
The older the child becomes, the more he can do himself. If the child is seven or eight years can afford to fry eggs or to warm something in the microwave, so he makes himself, not father-mother doing for him.
Maybe in two or three years to help to hang the washing out – it helps. Then this responsibility passes to him completely. In seven or eight years maybe. your bags, pass. To get ready for school himself. Forgot something, the teacher yelled at him., all the children were, and he didn't – next time will remember. But the consequences for their bad decisions for my forgetfulness and other – responsibility must remain with the child.
Option, when a child forgot something, and you rushed to remember and look for him – so you of this responsibility back on itself took. Let the baby get what is called "natural consequences": do not get something, you stay single without that something and criticize you for it. And next time you'll remember that there will be consequences, and will make sure that they were not. The main thing is not to intervene wherever possible not to interfere.
I can give you my own example: I didn't like that in the morning, instead of gathering in a garden or on exercise, children included DVD, and this dramatically slowed down their fees. I was warned that once I the morning to see included DVD, I immediately break this drive, which they look. They told me, of course, did not believe, and then in the morning I go to the gym, and they slowly dressed under the next film or cartoon. I take out the disk and break.
It is so beautifully into several parts scattered. I throw on the carpet these fragments and say that we are leaving in five minutes. Calmly, without hysterics, no shouting, silently, I warned you, you broke and left. Since then, I have never in the morning, not the TV. I tried tonight to convincingly explain that my decision is not economically feasible, I now have a new disk to buy.
Disk costs less than a dollar pack of one hundred pieces, and it was recorded. I said, "No, children, you have not guessed it you will have no more of this disc. I additionally will not be any money to spend to restore it". All the problem is solved. My mother once fulfilled his promise. "I don't like that you turn on in the morning cartoons, then you will not have this disc".
And thus it is possible to solve any problems. Declared its borders and has fulfilled what he promised. Max after the second time before the children realize that "don't go here – there's a wall".
And don't need the parent to survive as a child listens to other adults. There is a professional adult educator, no matter the teacher in the garden, a teacher at the school, the coach in the sports section, the teacher on the mug. And a child, getting into that environment, see how to behave with other children, as it should lead to, what the rules and regulations.
HAPPINESS is a side effect of normal life
Lessons in forgiveness
And somehow without you there he will learn how to comply with these rules, regulations and boundaries. But only if you that responsibility does not hang, do not pull on themselves. Once you begin to take responsibility for his relationships with others an adult – you "hit". You made this mistake, and it will be worse. Leave adult the teacher and your child the opportunity to reach an agreement. Will cope without you.published
Author: Olga Yurkovskaya
Source: yurkovskaya.livejournal.com/123187.html
