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They are so well suited to each other about Costs and Divorce
How many beautiful love stories began in the distant past, how little of them survived to present times, and even less, unfortunately, will be continued in the near and distant future.
Know about couples who have been together "in trouble and in joy", "the Union so beautiful", "they are so well suited to each other", and then the moment came when each of them went his way?
The spread of the causes of costs and divorce after relationship length in 5-10-20-30 years or more is very wide (from the "first everything was fine, then got fed up, tired of each other, began to open his eyes, there was a parallel history on the side" to "I knew this was a big mistake"), but it is in these stories a lot in common, about it and write.
About the breakup in a couple of weeks, months, or years have said, they are most often the problem is a hurry, hormonal surges, take for true love, the desire to enjoy and unwillingness to work.
In long relations, things are balanced and conscious: often marry for love, give birth to children upon request, a joint mortgage and take credit, being "of sound mind and blessed memory", travel, and celebrate holidays together but at some point, a lot starts to change. It seems to be lived-lived, everything was normal like others or even better, met in high school or in University, money was not particularly (or was), has done it all themselves (or helped parents) have gradually improved the living conditions (or did not improve, but once we lived together), a lot of things happened and then it was all over, no more goes together one way, and that's it. Yes, and a good man, and understand each other, and have children (or not), but something has changed so much that to go further along the strength (at least so it seems).
Maybe the man was not very good or has behaved is unfair and wrong, to forgive each other tried-tried and seemed to forgive and the strength to go on no.
A lot of things. Novelty want to, I want romance, physical intimacy you want, fantasies in the head "the feet and hands of rest does not give" I want to have to change something, to do, and the easiest way to change how? Right, destroying.
Not the fact that this method is most effective, but really so novelty novelty. In the swamp to dig very few people want, and then separated-divorced-separated-and-forth towards a new life. I want to believe the best in everyone. Suddenly with this man 15 years of her life was a mistake, and in another place lucky so lucky.
You might get lucky, who knows, this one has really some merit. If merits and is good, then support can be expected, of course, and if not, then better tune into the painful lessons of growth. Large seen from a distance.
It is clear that to leave or not after many years of Dating and living together, decide to each have their own, and for the consequences of their choice to pay, to bargain with fate for a new round of road will also have one-on-one, but before cutting, it is better to measure many times and seriously weigh all (although that, frankly, few people can).
The main problem of long-term relationships, tending to collapse, is that they start from the roles of children of their parents. In children, as we know, the worries and the responsibility is not so much that children in the responsibility you can play (mom, I'll carry your bag), but when tired, the responsibility and things come back to my parents (mom, I'm tired of carrying the bag) — to cook, wash clothes, repair valves, clean up the house for adults should not from time to time when you have the desire, but constantly. There is also the utilities, need to go to work, chat with neighbors, to keep the car, deal cottage, etc.
But when a guy and a girl start Dating each other, while in the care of parents and under their protection, it clashes with the realities of life not so much. Dressing nice can for the money of her parents home do not have to bother, mother or grandmother will prepare it and products buy father, with the car and the apartment the newlyweds will also help senior, because in our time to purchase a house without the help of the older not so simple.
Then it's time to be alone with each other and the tasks that life throws us, and then not all are ready to take control into their own hands.
Before the holidays celebrated at my parents, and now by the need to receive guests, but somehow it turns out not as warm and cozy as mom and dad. Earlier about the lights and the current tap water could not survive, not out of pocket, paid all the same, and now every month we need to deal with receipts. Previously, the food in the refrigerator arise, the bulb was changed without our participation, the Windows were washed a new jacket I bought, conflicts with siblings were smoothed out, entertainment, were invented by someone else, but not us, and now that we're two in the same area and on its own resources, then a lot of things begins to emerge.
Well, where is the love? Was this love, if you yourself have not seen real?
Mom-dad, grandparents constant access continue to maintain our dominant role of the child from their parents. While they are there, you shouldn't grow up, no matter you have a bad relationship with your parents or good. If it is bad in the mind and in reality too it is possible constantly to fight them and to prove something, continuing first and foremost to nurture this role and if you are very good and close, "otlepitsya" them and "cleave" to her husband or his wife even more problematic.
The role of husband or wife is not so attractive compared to the role of the child, there is not only capricious and hokuju to play, but also to reflect, to weigh, to plan, to give, to share, to take responsibility for themselves. And when they themselves become parents, not really out of the role of the child and not getting almost in the role of husband or wife, and generally hard. To cope with this set of unfinished roles, not everyone is able, therefore, to leave easier.
Major crises have precisely the periods when one partner starts consciously or not trying to get out of the role of the child, when he feels "it is time to grow up", to change their reaction or behavior to a more Mature or very young family life puts in such conditions when they need to change their behavior to more serious, but do not want to.
Why are there so many couples at odds in those moments when a woman or man insists on having children, and the partner doesn't want? Because children require a serious inner transformation, the change scenarios, reviewing the lifestyles, responsibility. To live a casual and relaxed alone or in a pair is easier when there is a serious commitment, isn't it?
Without a qualitative transformation to live life is not so simple. The repetition of the same from day to day, some get bored and will want to forget. Some try to lose yourself, plunging headlong into the business, others are beginning to change partners in search of something clean and bright, others indefinitely change the appearance of pictures — travel, travel, new Hobbies, new people, new clothes, all bright, brilliant, attractive.
Changing internal and external good when done consciously and complement the harmony that is already there. And if you constantly pull down to the ground the old to build new, you may not make it to the end of life.
Why divergent people? Yes, a lot of reasons. Tired of each other, have accumulated so much negativity, and if you want not to understand, and without wanting these stories to cope with and not easy at all. Realized and goals are different, and different methods and approaches to life are different.
Why not immediately understood, and after 15 years of marriage? Most often because they were in the role of children as children not to look at each other and the family as a whole without rose-colored glasses. How come it seems to be consciously chose each other? Yes, if we rubbed his leg, then consciously choose comfortable Slippers instead of beautiful shoes with heels, and when the leg heals (to deal with them, begin, trauma healing), then it turns out that heels would be comfortable enough why these sneakers? Hence, enlightenment after long years of marriage, and the desire to find oneself and more that it would be good to do before creating a family.
The relationship with your loved one a lifetime is one of the most amazing gifts, which you can get from destiny, but to earn it is not so simple. If in earlier times people were more connected system (the policy of the party, subsidized housing, morality and all that), and divorce was not so easy, and where to go (and have lived my whole life a huge number of families), in our days, temptations are many.
Relationship requires serious work on yourself, requiring time and effort, and "payback" long. Many people simply invest in the projects with not such a long impact (business, for example), where the results are more visible, and more diversity, and emotional stroking at each step can be obtained. But in the long term "benefit" those who are thoroughly and deeply.
Also interesting: the sacrifice of love
Relationships as a Pact not to attack
Transplanting trees from place to place, we do not allow them to take root, adapt to the environment and to share the fruits. To the tree bloomed and fruited, you must first prepare the ground, then care for the young seedling to protect it from wind and weather, to protect from pests, give it grow, and then to accept the fact that the tree lives by the seasons. Winter-spring-summer-autumn, and again winter, from dying to rebirth, from flowering to fruit, and then rest.
If people are less in a hurry, you would know that after every winter there comes spring. To wait for the fruit, you need to learn to wait out the winter.published
Author: Dean Richards
Source: www.facebook.com/dina.v.richards/posts/10153331554459452:0
Know about couples who have been together "in trouble and in joy", "the Union so beautiful", "they are so well suited to each other", and then the moment came when each of them went his way?
The spread of the causes of costs and divorce after relationship length in 5-10-20-30 years or more is very wide (from the "first everything was fine, then got fed up, tired of each other, began to open his eyes, there was a parallel history on the side" to "I knew this was a big mistake"), but it is in these stories a lot in common, about it and write.
About the breakup in a couple of weeks, months, or years have said, they are most often the problem is a hurry, hormonal surges, take for true love, the desire to enjoy and unwillingness to work.
In long relations, things are balanced and conscious: often marry for love, give birth to children upon request, a joint mortgage and take credit, being "of sound mind and blessed memory", travel, and celebrate holidays together but at some point, a lot starts to change. It seems to be lived-lived, everything was normal like others or even better, met in high school or in University, money was not particularly (or was), has done it all themselves (or helped parents) have gradually improved the living conditions (or did not improve, but once we lived together), a lot of things happened and then it was all over, no more goes together one way, and that's it. Yes, and a good man, and understand each other, and have children (or not), but something has changed so much that to go further along the strength (at least so it seems).
Maybe the man was not very good or has behaved is unfair and wrong, to forgive each other tried-tried and seemed to forgive and the strength to go on no.
A lot of things. Novelty want to, I want romance, physical intimacy you want, fantasies in the head "the feet and hands of rest does not give" I want to have to change something, to do, and the easiest way to change how? Right, destroying.
Not the fact that this method is most effective, but really so novelty novelty. In the swamp to dig very few people want, and then separated-divorced-separated-and-forth towards a new life. I want to believe the best in everyone. Suddenly with this man 15 years of her life was a mistake, and in another place lucky so lucky.
You might get lucky, who knows, this one has really some merit. If merits and is good, then support can be expected, of course, and if not, then better tune into the painful lessons of growth. Large seen from a distance.
It is clear that to leave or not after many years of Dating and living together, decide to each have their own, and for the consequences of their choice to pay, to bargain with fate for a new round of road will also have one-on-one, but before cutting, it is better to measure many times and seriously weigh all (although that, frankly, few people can).
The main problem of long-term relationships, tending to collapse, is that they start from the roles of children of their parents. In children, as we know, the worries and the responsibility is not so much that children in the responsibility you can play (mom, I'll carry your bag), but when tired, the responsibility and things come back to my parents (mom, I'm tired of carrying the bag) — to cook, wash clothes, repair valves, clean up the house for adults should not from time to time when you have the desire, but constantly. There is also the utilities, need to go to work, chat with neighbors, to keep the car, deal cottage, etc.
But when a guy and a girl start Dating each other, while in the care of parents and under their protection, it clashes with the realities of life not so much. Dressing nice can for the money of her parents home do not have to bother, mother or grandmother will prepare it and products buy father, with the car and the apartment the newlyweds will also help senior, because in our time to purchase a house without the help of the older not so simple.
Then it's time to be alone with each other and the tasks that life throws us, and then not all are ready to take control into their own hands.
Before the holidays celebrated at my parents, and now by the need to receive guests, but somehow it turns out not as warm and cozy as mom and dad. Earlier about the lights and the current tap water could not survive, not out of pocket, paid all the same, and now every month we need to deal with receipts. Previously, the food in the refrigerator arise, the bulb was changed without our participation, the Windows were washed a new jacket I bought, conflicts with siblings were smoothed out, entertainment, were invented by someone else, but not us, and now that we're two in the same area and on its own resources, then a lot of things begins to emerge.
Well, where is the love? Was this love, if you yourself have not seen real?
Mom-dad, grandparents constant access continue to maintain our dominant role of the child from their parents. While they are there, you shouldn't grow up, no matter you have a bad relationship with your parents or good. If it is bad in the mind and in reality too it is possible constantly to fight them and to prove something, continuing first and foremost to nurture this role and if you are very good and close, "otlepitsya" them and "cleave" to her husband or his wife even more problematic.
The role of husband or wife is not so attractive compared to the role of the child, there is not only capricious and hokuju to play, but also to reflect, to weigh, to plan, to give, to share, to take responsibility for themselves. And when they themselves become parents, not really out of the role of the child and not getting almost in the role of husband or wife, and generally hard. To cope with this set of unfinished roles, not everyone is able, therefore, to leave easier.
Major crises have precisely the periods when one partner starts consciously or not trying to get out of the role of the child, when he feels "it is time to grow up", to change their reaction or behavior to a more Mature or very young family life puts in such conditions when they need to change their behavior to more serious, but do not want to.
Why are there so many couples at odds in those moments when a woman or man insists on having children, and the partner doesn't want? Because children require a serious inner transformation, the change scenarios, reviewing the lifestyles, responsibility. To live a casual and relaxed alone or in a pair is easier when there is a serious commitment, isn't it?
Without a qualitative transformation to live life is not so simple. The repetition of the same from day to day, some get bored and will want to forget. Some try to lose yourself, plunging headlong into the business, others are beginning to change partners in search of something clean and bright, others indefinitely change the appearance of pictures — travel, travel, new Hobbies, new people, new clothes, all bright, brilliant, attractive.
Changing internal and external good when done consciously and complement the harmony that is already there. And if you constantly pull down to the ground the old to build new, you may not make it to the end of life.
Why divergent people? Yes, a lot of reasons. Tired of each other, have accumulated so much negativity, and if you want not to understand, and without wanting these stories to cope with and not easy at all. Realized and goals are different, and different methods and approaches to life are different.
Why not immediately understood, and after 15 years of marriage? Most often because they were in the role of children as children not to look at each other and the family as a whole without rose-colored glasses. How come it seems to be consciously chose each other? Yes, if we rubbed his leg, then consciously choose comfortable Slippers instead of beautiful shoes with heels, and when the leg heals (to deal with them, begin, trauma healing), then it turns out that heels would be comfortable enough why these sneakers? Hence, enlightenment after long years of marriage, and the desire to find oneself and more that it would be good to do before creating a family.
The relationship with your loved one a lifetime is one of the most amazing gifts, which you can get from destiny, but to earn it is not so simple. If in earlier times people were more connected system (the policy of the party, subsidized housing, morality and all that), and divorce was not so easy, and where to go (and have lived my whole life a huge number of families), in our days, temptations are many.
Relationship requires serious work on yourself, requiring time and effort, and "payback" long. Many people simply invest in the projects with not such a long impact (business, for example), where the results are more visible, and more diversity, and emotional stroking at each step can be obtained. But in the long term "benefit" those who are thoroughly and deeply.
Also interesting: the sacrifice of love
Relationships as a Pact not to attack
Transplanting trees from place to place, we do not allow them to take root, adapt to the environment and to share the fruits. To the tree bloomed and fruited, you must first prepare the ground, then care for the young seedling to protect it from wind and weather, to protect from pests, give it grow, and then to accept the fact that the tree lives by the seasons. Winter-spring-summer-autumn, and again winter, from dying to rebirth, from flowering to fruit, and then rest.
If people are less in a hurry, you would know that after every winter there comes spring. To wait for the fruit, you need to learn to wait out the winter.published
Author: Dean Richards
Source: www.facebook.com/dina.v.richards/posts/10153331554459452:0
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