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Warren Farrell: Why we are fooled about partners and people in general
An American educator, second-wave feminism activist and Oprah Winfrey’s favorite, Warren Farrell is best known for his books explaining most of the problems of modern men, women, and everything that happens between them before and after the lights go out in the bedroom.
His book “Why Men Are The Way They Are” from the mid-80s is considered a handbook for those who want to understand what is happening to these strange people.
One of the questions that Pharrell clearly dissects is why we cheat in partners and in people in general. The answer is that the traits that make us choose people are often accompanied by qualities that are unpleasant enough to coexist. For example, those traits and habits that help make a career can be unbearable in family life.
A separate place Farrell gives appearance. He introduces the concept of “genetic stardom” (or “the triumph of genetics” – genetic celebrity) – this is how he defines physical beauty. According to the scientist, those who won the genetic lottery, used to have people positively evaluate them and all their actions, only based on how they look.
In his opinion, this deprives beautiful people of a sober assessment of their personality. They value nature as their own merit. Pampered with attention and flattering reviews, they often do not know how to appreciate truly deep human feelings.
The idea of assessing people by appearance is not new and has its own reasons. It's part of our nature. Moreover, our notions of “good”—beauty, pleasant smell, or taste—are evolutionary. We love sweets because it is a source of high energy and an opportunity to get enough quickly.
We hate the smell of rot because bacteria can be a threat to our health. We can see the threat in those who are not like us ("alien"), and strive to choose as partners "symmetrical individuals" (beauty is a hostage of symmetry) as carriers of a successful gene set.
Beauty was written in virtue and quite meaningfully. In the sixth century BC, the philosopher Parmenides entertained himself by making endless lists of “good” and “bad” things. Life, light, goodness, beauty – a hit parade of positive concepts. Death, darkness, evil, ugliness are the confident leaders of the negative. The European tradition is also based on the principle that “everything that is beautiful and beautiful is good.” Therefore, in authentic fairy tales, all princesses and princes are necessarily beautiful, all villains and destroyers are unbearably ugly.
Problems begin when the desire to judge everyone by appearance becomes a form of discrimination.
The Institute of Fashion has also at all times contributed to the strengthening of the role of visual assessment of personality. Clothing has always acted as a social marker, allowing people to recognize “their own” and stay away, or even even wet others. Today, based on the choice of wardrobe, others are ready to make a conclusion about your well-being, ideas about ethics, interests and even readiness for sex.
There is nothing wrong with the everyday deduction that we use when we consider new acquaintances to understand our attitude towards them. Problems begin when the desire to judge everyone by appearance becomes a form of discrimination. Lucism (also called face fascism) is a concept that was introduced in the 70s as part of the struggle for the rights of fat people.
Individuals whose appearance does not fit into the current ideas of pleasant appearance are often subjected to the same restrictions and bullying as victims of racism. Everyone knows how full children are bullied at school. This often continues into adulthood. It is harder for ugly people to make friends. An employee with a bright physical “flaw” is more difficult to move up the career ladder.
Because of this, one of the most pressing problems of HR and business in general is to make effective decisions without taking into account cognitive distortions. For example, the halo effect (or halo effect) in which one quality of personality – a vivid or memorable detail – forces us to evaluate other aspects of it in the same way. Under the influence of the halo effect, people with repulsive appearance are often given a low rating of intellectual abilities.
Managing the stereotype of physical attractiveness (beautiful = good) within your judgment is not easy. When Vicky Houston and Ray Bull began investigating beauty and ugliness in 1994, they conducted a series of experiments. In the course of them it turned out that a woman with scars on her face will be reluctant to sit on public transport.
It became clear that teachers often judge the motives of children’s behavior (the child did something bad on purpose or by accident) based on how cute their appearance is. The stereotype sits so deeply that even newborn babies tend to favor more likable faces. For the most part, these decisions are made without accountability.
Therefore, anyone who says that he does not evaluate people by appearance will be a hypocrite. Whether we do it or not, we do the dirty work every time. Everyone likes beautiful and beautiful. Another question is that this should not be the main criterion for assessing personality or become a cause for criticism. And here again, especially unlucky "fat people".
To mock congenital or acquired due to tragic circumstances aesthetics shameful — and it is official. At the same time, pouring out streams of criticism against overweight people is actually a social norm. There is always a sacred cow at hand as an excuse - a Health Question, as well as accusations that "people did this to themselves."
The whole injustice of these accusations is that people are harassed on the grounds that the possible consequences of their weakness are in plain sight.
The fact that you cheat on your boyfriend for years, stealing dad's antidepressants and buying stolen goods, others may not know. But habits or features of physiology that affect appearance give an excuse for any sleep-deprived passerby to give you an assessment.
Your coworker may be lazy to visit his lonely grandmother. Even if it turns out to be, you’re likely to come to the conclusion that it’s “his business.” Why is it that the discussion of “laziness” that prevents you from going to the gym suddenly became a common place and such a popular object of criticism?
“The first step to liberation is to realize that we are nobody.
You don’t have to be beautiful and fit.
their vision of beauty.
Our generation is more focused than its predecessors on the visual perception of reality. We read less, listen less, talk less, look at photos and videos more than anyone else! This further exacerbates the problems of Lukism.
Sometimes it seems that everyone is literally crazy about appearance. When you’re living under a magnifying glass of someone looking at your cellulite or age-related skin changes, it’s kind of hard to abstract and do something really important. Close attention to how a person looks becomes the source of many psychosomatic disorders, distortion of one’s own physicality, changes in character, life goals and fate.
It seems that if you control your body, your appearance, it can somehow organize the chaos of the world. Conversely, it seems that those who can’t stop eating buns at night are so worthless that they can’t do anything with their lives.
The first step to liberation is to realize that we don’t have to be beautiful and conform to their vision of beauty. Socially approved and even more attractive to the majority appearance, of course, can become a tool to facilitate communication with people.
Beauty is convenient to use to achieve your goals: personal, professional and any other in which people are involved. Many people do it without accountability, some people manipulate it consciously. However, everyone is free to abandon this method in favor of other interests.
4 Ways to Live Your Life: Where You Will Be When You Cross the Finish LineRejected Bodies: How Media Makes Us Hate Ourselves
It is important to remember that the desire to be and appear beautiful is quite natural. When five-year-old girls spin in front of a mirror in their mother’s lace and imagine themselves princesses, they feel the beauty and perfection of the world around them. They think that everything around them will be transformed. Adult girls dream of expensive bags or plastic surgery, harboring the same hopes. published
Text: Junna Vradii
Source: www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=896538190491407&id=857290711082822&substory_index=0
His book “Why Men Are The Way They Are” from the mid-80s is considered a handbook for those who want to understand what is happening to these strange people.
One of the questions that Pharrell clearly dissects is why we cheat in partners and in people in general. The answer is that the traits that make us choose people are often accompanied by qualities that are unpleasant enough to coexist. For example, those traits and habits that help make a career can be unbearable in family life.
A separate place Farrell gives appearance. He introduces the concept of “genetic stardom” (or “the triumph of genetics” – genetic celebrity) – this is how he defines physical beauty. According to the scientist, those who won the genetic lottery, used to have people positively evaluate them and all their actions, only based on how they look.
In his opinion, this deprives beautiful people of a sober assessment of their personality. They value nature as their own merit. Pampered with attention and flattering reviews, they often do not know how to appreciate truly deep human feelings.
The idea of assessing people by appearance is not new and has its own reasons. It's part of our nature. Moreover, our notions of “good”—beauty, pleasant smell, or taste—are evolutionary. We love sweets because it is a source of high energy and an opportunity to get enough quickly.
We hate the smell of rot because bacteria can be a threat to our health. We can see the threat in those who are not like us ("alien"), and strive to choose as partners "symmetrical individuals" (beauty is a hostage of symmetry) as carriers of a successful gene set.
Beauty was written in virtue and quite meaningfully. In the sixth century BC, the philosopher Parmenides entertained himself by making endless lists of “good” and “bad” things. Life, light, goodness, beauty – a hit parade of positive concepts. Death, darkness, evil, ugliness are the confident leaders of the negative. The European tradition is also based on the principle that “everything that is beautiful and beautiful is good.” Therefore, in authentic fairy tales, all princesses and princes are necessarily beautiful, all villains and destroyers are unbearably ugly.
Problems begin when the desire to judge everyone by appearance becomes a form of discrimination.
The Institute of Fashion has also at all times contributed to the strengthening of the role of visual assessment of personality. Clothing has always acted as a social marker, allowing people to recognize “their own” and stay away, or even even wet others. Today, based on the choice of wardrobe, others are ready to make a conclusion about your well-being, ideas about ethics, interests and even readiness for sex.
There is nothing wrong with the everyday deduction that we use when we consider new acquaintances to understand our attitude towards them. Problems begin when the desire to judge everyone by appearance becomes a form of discrimination. Lucism (also called face fascism) is a concept that was introduced in the 70s as part of the struggle for the rights of fat people.
Individuals whose appearance does not fit into the current ideas of pleasant appearance are often subjected to the same restrictions and bullying as victims of racism. Everyone knows how full children are bullied at school. This often continues into adulthood. It is harder for ugly people to make friends. An employee with a bright physical “flaw” is more difficult to move up the career ladder.
Because of this, one of the most pressing problems of HR and business in general is to make effective decisions without taking into account cognitive distortions. For example, the halo effect (or halo effect) in which one quality of personality – a vivid or memorable detail – forces us to evaluate other aspects of it in the same way. Under the influence of the halo effect, people with repulsive appearance are often given a low rating of intellectual abilities.
Managing the stereotype of physical attractiveness (beautiful = good) within your judgment is not easy. When Vicky Houston and Ray Bull began investigating beauty and ugliness in 1994, they conducted a series of experiments. In the course of them it turned out that a woman with scars on her face will be reluctant to sit on public transport.
It became clear that teachers often judge the motives of children’s behavior (the child did something bad on purpose or by accident) based on how cute their appearance is. The stereotype sits so deeply that even newborn babies tend to favor more likable faces. For the most part, these decisions are made without accountability.
Therefore, anyone who says that he does not evaluate people by appearance will be a hypocrite. Whether we do it or not, we do the dirty work every time. Everyone likes beautiful and beautiful. Another question is that this should not be the main criterion for assessing personality or become a cause for criticism. And here again, especially unlucky "fat people".
To mock congenital or acquired due to tragic circumstances aesthetics shameful — and it is official. At the same time, pouring out streams of criticism against overweight people is actually a social norm. There is always a sacred cow at hand as an excuse - a Health Question, as well as accusations that "people did this to themselves."
The whole injustice of these accusations is that people are harassed on the grounds that the possible consequences of their weakness are in plain sight.
The fact that you cheat on your boyfriend for years, stealing dad's antidepressants and buying stolen goods, others may not know. But habits or features of physiology that affect appearance give an excuse for any sleep-deprived passerby to give you an assessment.
Your coworker may be lazy to visit his lonely grandmother. Even if it turns out to be, you’re likely to come to the conclusion that it’s “his business.” Why is it that the discussion of “laziness” that prevents you from going to the gym suddenly became a common place and such a popular object of criticism?
“The first step to liberation is to realize that we are nobody.
You don’t have to be beautiful and fit.
their vision of beauty.
Our generation is more focused than its predecessors on the visual perception of reality. We read less, listen less, talk less, look at photos and videos more than anyone else! This further exacerbates the problems of Lukism.
Sometimes it seems that everyone is literally crazy about appearance. When you’re living under a magnifying glass of someone looking at your cellulite or age-related skin changes, it’s kind of hard to abstract and do something really important. Close attention to how a person looks becomes the source of many psychosomatic disorders, distortion of one’s own physicality, changes in character, life goals and fate.
It seems that if you control your body, your appearance, it can somehow organize the chaos of the world. Conversely, it seems that those who can’t stop eating buns at night are so worthless that they can’t do anything with their lives.
The first step to liberation is to realize that we don’t have to be beautiful and conform to their vision of beauty. Socially approved and even more attractive to the majority appearance, of course, can become a tool to facilitate communication with people.
Beauty is convenient to use to achieve your goals: personal, professional and any other in which people are involved. Many people do it without accountability, some people manipulate it consciously. However, everyone is free to abandon this method in favor of other interests.
4 Ways to Live Your Life: Where You Will Be When You Cross the Finish LineRejected Bodies: How Media Makes Us Hate Ourselves
It is important to remember that the desire to be and appear beautiful is quite natural. When five-year-old girls spin in front of a mirror in their mother’s lace and imagine themselves princesses, they feel the beauty and perfection of the world around them. They think that everything around them will be transformed. Adult girls dream of expensive bags or plastic surgery, harboring the same hopes. published
Text: Junna Vradii
Source: www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=896538190491407&id=857290711082822&substory_index=0
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