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Man and woman - friendship zone
In the debate about whether there is a friendship between a man and a woman, many copies are broken. Those who know how to be friends with the opposite sex are friends, others are not. Everyone's happy. But what happens when one of the participants in this “friendship” receives much more benefits than the other? To denote this special kind of friendship, there is even a special word – “friend zone” or “friendship zone”.
Friendship and money from time to time
Alexey sought advice from a psychologist a few weeks after meeting Svetlana. He was just fascinated by the tall, beautiful blonde who seemed to come straight off the pages of glossy magazines. The young man used all his charm to interest the girl, but then something strange began. “She almost immediately told me that relations between us are impossible,” says perplexed Alexei. But at the same time, she is very interested in me as a person and as a friend, and she would like to be friends with me.
A “friendzone” is a type of relationship in which a girl (as a rule) is friends with a young man and perceives him only as a friend, and a man is friends with her because he secretly hopes that the girl will still start dating him. That doesn't usually happen.
This was the first time he had experienced such behavior and did not know how to react to it. In his experience, a girl could say that at the end of a relationship, but not at the beginning. Intrigued, the young man decided to continue this strange relationship. Regular friendly meetings followed, when Alexey went to the movies with the girl, went shopping with her and often accompanied her home in late evenings. And all this time, despite the fact that between them there was not even a hint of possible relationships and sex, the enthusiasm of the man did not subside. Alexei’s plan was simple: under the guise of continuing his friendship, he decided to hit the girl with his generosity (he bought some things for Svetlana at his own expense) and external data. After all, the shouldered and tightly knocked down Alexei is the ideal accompanying person to the house on dark evenings. Time passed, but Svetlana still did not think to change his attitude to Alexei. Then the man guessed that somewhere miscalculated, came to the consultation to understand what is happening between him and the girl really.
Abandoned Love
Dostoevsky once said, “The joy of love is great, but the suffering is so great that it is better not to love at all.”
Do women who play the game always want money, gifts and attention from men, but do not want to have sex with them? Not at all. If a girl has experienced a strong traumatic experience associated with relationships, then the “friendship zone” becomes a safe and non-binding option for communicating with men, which can be stopped at any time.
Sex exchange for money... But no sex.
What was that? To better understand the essence of what is happening, it is worth looking at this situation from the point of view of Svetlana herself. Alexey is a strong, well-earning and confident young man. His dignity and self-belief, like that of most men, fuel his professional successes and career achievements. Despite his 24 years, he is already the head of a small division at a large international company. What is the source of confidence in women? In a society focused on male dominance, sometimes the only way to comfort women's pride is the opportunity to realize themselves in a relationship with a man. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Behind every great man there is always a great woman.” For many women, one man is enough. But there is a certain category of people (not only the fair sex), for whom one partner for the implementation of their claims is not enough. In order to feel psychologically good, such a person must maintain relationships with several members of the opposite sex at the same time. In the friendzone, a woman can have a whole retinue of fans, each of whom has its own “function”. One man can pay for her shopping, another to write poetry in her honor, with the third prestigious to appear in public. Only in a relationship with a “real” partner, if there is one, a woman may feel vague dissatisfaction.
What can I do about it?
If a woman’s friendzone is equipped with the right men, she can feel comfortable and do not want any changes. But one day she may find that the friendzone has its drawbacks, such as the difficulty in choosing a truly suitable partner and the lack of skills to build a harmonious relationship with him.
LASTING MURDER
At the refresher courses, Irina met a pleasant young man Oleg. Their communication quickly turned into a friendship that gave the girl great pleasure. But in the evening after a wonderful dinner in the restaurant, the man made Irina, in her words, “a real tantrum.” All of a sudden, he literally lashed out at her, demanding an answer: why has she ignored him as a man for so long and when will they finally start dating for real? At the same time, the girl herself perceived him exclusively as a friend, and this outpouring of negativity very upset her. Irina admitted that this is not the first such situation. To deal with her, the girl came to a psychologist. A more detailed questioning revealed that the last young man Irina tragically died three years ago, when the couple was about to get married. After the incident, the girl began a severe depression, which she suffered on pills alone, without psychotherapeutic support. Therefore, a very important work, which psychologists call “work of grief”, was not completed, and as a result, the girl seemed “frozen” in her loss, having neither the strength nor the desire to start a new relationship even three years after the death of her man. For her, the relationship and everything connected with it became associated with such great heartache that the girl did not want to start new romances. But when Irina unconsciously began to play friendzone, from the outside it looked like a search for relationships.
What should I do?
If a girl can interact with men from the position of “friendzone” and does not even know about it, then the main thing she should do is to realize what is happening: at this stage of life she is afraid of close relationships. When this understanding comes, the girl begins to send men more “honest” signals, and then conflicts like “hysterics” Oleg, there won't be any.
Expert's opinion: Take care of the "former"
There is another way of friendship between a man and a woman. It does not imply the desire for sex on either side, gives the joy of communication, is safe. What kind of option is that? Friendship with former partners for people who are already elderly, who have paid off all their debts to society. If a person knows how to part without offense, then in the future, former partners can safely communicate. There are no sexual expectations - they have already been realized in the past, there is a knowledge of character, interests, views - that, apart from sex, connected the couple and may well turn the relationship into a strong friendship. It is an illusion that everyone at any age wants marriage, sex, living together. Not all. But comfortable, without guilt (because I can’t promise marriage!) communication is necessary for everyone. And our "ex-boyfriends" become real friends. To make a company for a trip to the theater, to pick up wallpaper, to fix some small thing - easy. And communicate, communicate, communicate! Take care of the exes.
Elena Rekunova, consultant psychologist
Psychologic vent
Anna is a friend of my acquaintances. Curiously, she is unlikely to ever see a psychologist. After all, the functions that a psychotherapist usually performs are assumed by Anna’s friend Arthur. This man is the honored “king” of Anina Frendzon: when a girl has a choice – to meet with friends or with him – then, if you need to speak out, she will prefer Arthur. They meet several times a month in a cafe or they can go to an exhibition together. This usually occurs during periods when the relationship between Anna and her fiancé Sergey is noticeably deteriorating. After scandals, the girl leaves the house to meet with Arthur and tell him in detail about how she was unlucky with the chosen one. Arthur listens attentively and calms her friend when she is ready to cry and she feels better. Wonderful friend, what would she do without him?
In American films and TV series like “Sex and the City”, the main character often also has a man-friend with whom you can talk heart to heart. He's usually gay. Obviously, Arthur gets his advantages from such communication, because the feeling of his own need for some people is a drug. But what happens to a girl if, to achieve a stable psychological state, she needs a vest in which to cry? This happens when a woman chooses a man with whom she cannot establish emotional contact. She may see him as a man and a sexual partner, but for emotional understanding, she runs either to friends or to a male friend who, unlike this brutal male, will "understand" and support. Will such a system work? Yes, of course - with the mandatory presence of such a person in Anina Frendzon as Arthur.
What should I do?
If there is such an Arthur in the environment of a woman, then there is a high probability that with any difficulties in the relationship with her partner, a woman will run away to an “understanding friend” – instead of learning to establish at least some relationship with her man on an emotional level. In a harmonious relationship, this skill is very important. If a woman develops a habit not to run away into the arms of such a “psychological lover”, but to learn to understand her partner, then sooner or later this “insensitive chump” will learn to come into contact with her. Or she can find another man with whom they can take care of each other and strive to understand each other.
What should I do with Fredson?
Let's take stock. We can’t solve a problem we don’t see. So the first thing to do with a friendzone game is to realize that you are playing it. Along with this realization comes the understanding of what benefits you get by playing it. And knowing this, you can already make an important decision: do you want to play this game further, or do you want something completely different. After all, relationships built on imbalance (like a friendzone) are quite unstable: in any bad weather they crumble like a castle of sand in the rain.
Source: psyh.ru
Source: /users/1
Friendship and money from time to time
Alexey sought advice from a psychologist a few weeks after meeting Svetlana. He was just fascinated by the tall, beautiful blonde who seemed to come straight off the pages of glossy magazines. The young man used all his charm to interest the girl, but then something strange began. “She almost immediately told me that relations between us are impossible,” says perplexed Alexei. But at the same time, she is very interested in me as a person and as a friend, and she would like to be friends with me.
A “friendzone” is a type of relationship in which a girl (as a rule) is friends with a young man and perceives him only as a friend, and a man is friends with her because he secretly hopes that the girl will still start dating him. That doesn't usually happen.
This was the first time he had experienced such behavior and did not know how to react to it. In his experience, a girl could say that at the end of a relationship, but not at the beginning. Intrigued, the young man decided to continue this strange relationship. Regular friendly meetings followed, when Alexey went to the movies with the girl, went shopping with her and often accompanied her home in late evenings. And all this time, despite the fact that between them there was not even a hint of possible relationships and sex, the enthusiasm of the man did not subside. Alexei’s plan was simple: under the guise of continuing his friendship, he decided to hit the girl with his generosity (he bought some things for Svetlana at his own expense) and external data. After all, the shouldered and tightly knocked down Alexei is the ideal accompanying person to the house on dark evenings. Time passed, but Svetlana still did not think to change his attitude to Alexei. Then the man guessed that somewhere miscalculated, came to the consultation to understand what is happening between him and the girl really.
Abandoned Love
Dostoevsky once said, “The joy of love is great, but the suffering is so great that it is better not to love at all.”
Do women who play the game always want money, gifts and attention from men, but do not want to have sex with them? Not at all. If a girl has experienced a strong traumatic experience associated with relationships, then the “friendship zone” becomes a safe and non-binding option for communicating with men, which can be stopped at any time.
Sex exchange for money... But no sex.
What was that? To better understand the essence of what is happening, it is worth looking at this situation from the point of view of Svetlana herself. Alexey is a strong, well-earning and confident young man. His dignity and self-belief, like that of most men, fuel his professional successes and career achievements. Despite his 24 years, he is already the head of a small division at a large international company. What is the source of confidence in women? In a society focused on male dominance, sometimes the only way to comfort women's pride is the opportunity to realize themselves in a relationship with a man. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Behind every great man there is always a great woman.” For many women, one man is enough. But there is a certain category of people (not only the fair sex), for whom one partner for the implementation of their claims is not enough. In order to feel psychologically good, such a person must maintain relationships with several members of the opposite sex at the same time. In the friendzone, a woman can have a whole retinue of fans, each of whom has its own “function”. One man can pay for her shopping, another to write poetry in her honor, with the third prestigious to appear in public. Only in a relationship with a “real” partner, if there is one, a woman may feel vague dissatisfaction.
What can I do about it?
If a woman’s friendzone is equipped with the right men, she can feel comfortable and do not want any changes. But one day she may find that the friendzone has its drawbacks, such as the difficulty in choosing a truly suitable partner and the lack of skills to build a harmonious relationship with him.
LASTING MURDER
At the refresher courses, Irina met a pleasant young man Oleg. Their communication quickly turned into a friendship that gave the girl great pleasure. But in the evening after a wonderful dinner in the restaurant, the man made Irina, in her words, “a real tantrum.” All of a sudden, he literally lashed out at her, demanding an answer: why has she ignored him as a man for so long and when will they finally start dating for real? At the same time, the girl herself perceived him exclusively as a friend, and this outpouring of negativity very upset her. Irina admitted that this is not the first such situation. To deal with her, the girl came to a psychologist. A more detailed questioning revealed that the last young man Irina tragically died three years ago, when the couple was about to get married. After the incident, the girl began a severe depression, which she suffered on pills alone, without psychotherapeutic support. Therefore, a very important work, which psychologists call “work of grief”, was not completed, and as a result, the girl seemed “frozen” in her loss, having neither the strength nor the desire to start a new relationship even three years after the death of her man. For her, the relationship and everything connected with it became associated with such great heartache that the girl did not want to start new romances. But when Irina unconsciously began to play friendzone, from the outside it looked like a search for relationships.
What should I do?
If a girl can interact with men from the position of “friendzone” and does not even know about it, then the main thing she should do is to realize what is happening: at this stage of life she is afraid of close relationships. When this understanding comes, the girl begins to send men more “honest” signals, and then conflicts like “hysterics” Oleg, there won't be any.
Expert's opinion: Take care of the "former"
There is another way of friendship between a man and a woman. It does not imply the desire for sex on either side, gives the joy of communication, is safe. What kind of option is that? Friendship with former partners for people who are already elderly, who have paid off all their debts to society. If a person knows how to part without offense, then in the future, former partners can safely communicate. There are no sexual expectations - they have already been realized in the past, there is a knowledge of character, interests, views - that, apart from sex, connected the couple and may well turn the relationship into a strong friendship. It is an illusion that everyone at any age wants marriage, sex, living together. Not all. But comfortable, without guilt (because I can’t promise marriage!) communication is necessary for everyone. And our "ex-boyfriends" become real friends. To make a company for a trip to the theater, to pick up wallpaper, to fix some small thing - easy. And communicate, communicate, communicate! Take care of the exes.
Elena Rekunova, consultant psychologist
Psychologic vent
Anna is a friend of my acquaintances. Curiously, she is unlikely to ever see a psychologist. After all, the functions that a psychotherapist usually performs are assumed by Anna’s friend Arthur. This man is the honored “king” of Anina Frendzon: when a girl has a choice – to meet with friends or with him – then, if you need to speak out, she will prefer Arthur. They meet several times a month in a cafe or they can go to an exhibition together. This usually occurs during periods when the relationship between Anna and her fiancé Sergey is noticeably deteriorating. After scandals, the girl leaves the house to meet with Arthur and tell him in detail about how she was unlucky with the chosen one. Arthur listens attentively and calms her friend when she is ready to cry and she feels better. Wonderful friend, what would she do without him?
In American films and TV series like “Sex and the City”, the main character often also has a man-friend with whom you can talk heart to heart. He's usually gay. Obviously, Arthur gets his advantages from such communication, because the feeling of his own need for some people is a drug. But what happens to a girl if, to achieve a stable psychological state, she needs a vest in which to cry? This happens when a woman chooses a man with whom she cannot establish emotional contact. She may see him as a man and a sexual partner, but for emotional understanding, she runs either to friends or to a male friend who, unlike this brutal male, will "understand" and support. Will such a system work? Yes, of course - with the mandatory presence of such a person in Anina Frendzon as Arthur.
What should I do?
If there is such an Arthur in the environment of a woman, then there is a high probability that with any difficulties in the relationship with her partner, a woman will run away to an “understanding friend” – instead of learning to establish at least some relationship with her man on an emotional level. In a harmonious relationship, this skill is very important. If a woman develops a habit not to run away into the arms of such a “psychological lover”, but to learn to understand her partner, then sooner or later this “insensitive chump” will learn to come into contact with her. Or she can find another man with whom they can take care of each other and strive to understand each other.
What should I do with Fredson?
Let's take stock. We can’t solve a problem we don’t see. So the first thing to do with a friendzone game is to realize that you are playing it. Along with this realization comes the understanding of what benefits you get by playing it. And knowing this, you can already make an important decision: do you want to play this game further, or do you want something completely different. After all, relationships built on imbalance (like a friendzone) are quite unstable: in any bad weather they crumble like a castle of sand in the rain.
Source: psyh.ru
Source: /users/1
