If you observe numerous examples of family relationships in the world under the anthropological perspective, then inevitably there is a feeling that the real motivation in the formation of these in most cases have very little in common with the declared. It's impossible not to notice how extensive the support of family paradigm at the social level, various conventions and patterns of behaviour, history of occurrences which are usually not analyzed and rationality is not subjected to special questioning.
The meaning of family formation on the biological level is evident — the emergence and support of the offspring to the moment when it will be able to take care of themselves, but in the case of a man with his overflowing with illusions and reflection, the specifics of social life this basic function acquires a very confusing script ethical and moral ambiguities in which people are lost, making similar one-sided logic of construction, and with an enviable constancy for many generations faced with the same set of problems in the relationship. Try, contrary to the natural desire to seek an answer to a simple question of "how" to beg the question "why".
Immediately it should be noted that the biological component so highly developed in the period of hormonal peaks demand for the creation of offspring (women have two of the main peak of 21-25 years and 31 to 34 years, men have one main in 25-29), undoubtedly has a great influence on the decision of the pairing as such, but created in such a context, families are unstable because they are not so much social education as reproductive, and tend to the degradation of the relationship after a few years of life. The regular observation of this effect public relations has given birth to a very popular social myth of the limbs of any tightly-coupled positive relationships within the family with the caveat "in life, nothing is eternal", but the subtlety is that the common effect of the limitations (or — what happens more rarely, duration) psychological comfort couples is based not on sexual or romantic aspect of motivation (it's actually just tools and not the problem itself), and the dichotomy of positioning families regarding society.
So what is the meaning of family education within the framework of the society at a basic level? Options, oddly enough, only two: investment and protective, and the first statistically wins with a huge margin. The essence of investment in the marriage, each party of the pair is finding a partner able to contribute to a common project additional resources (not necessarily material) required to achieve a set of goals, closereason (if not impossible) to solo. It can be the birth of children, shared Hobbies, and the achievement of material prosperity, the same sexual realization, a life of comfort, etc. because of the differences of the specialization of the sexes in modern society, these needs are very often lead to separation of family roles of husband and wife (such as making money versus domohozjajstva), leaving things only a small area of leisure activity. The problem is that the members of the investment a family, being a part of the structure is initially designed to solve their own socio-posed problems by means of domestic outsourcing, they can change the priorities in the case of more profitable or convenient to the investor, to invest themselves in any discreet projects or simply cease to perform the initial rules of the investment agreement, making the overall project infeasible. In fact, the investment the family is a social structure designed for effective integration of people into society through a more complete implementation of personal tasks that require resources that have weight in the social value basis. That is why the family is perceived in society is a marker of adulthood (what is not so) and the development of a sense of responsibility (which is only partly true), — in fact, it is only a symptom of the human propensity for assimilation of socialization.
This is not the case with the family of a defensive type. In this case, the primary motivation is not so much the need for social growth as facilitating the resistance to external aggressive factors, mainly social; in fact, in this case, the family is the opposition to the society structure. A basic value in this type of relationship is personal and psychological comfort, not refracted in the side factors of social success, i.e., the vector of interest is not directed outward (social values), and the inside couples (in the region of interest to a specific other person); such a Union is not resource-driven, and psychologically compensated. Accordingly, the problems of these families lie in a different plane — they are much more stable than investment (because the psychological comfort of one is a function of the comfort of the other and Vice versa), but until that moment, until the need arises to deal with any serious and complex problem of the social plan, the experience with which the people of this stock, as a rule, no (and — crucially — there is no special desire this experience to, because sooner or later it will lead to loss of personal comfort with the transition of the subject to the paradigm of investment priorities), however, even in this case, the principal amount of negativity and confrontation will be focused on the external environment, not prichina serious injury to the internal structure of relations.
Construction of families of this type are very rare in young and middle age, when a large demand of earning dominance in the social sphere, for understanding the much higher survivability of positive emotions derive not from achieve their goals, and because of concerns about his circle of loved ones, comes only occasionally, and in old age, along with loss of interest in hierarchical games.
The main part of the difficulties in family relationships is related to incorrect assessment of the family class and their needs within its framework. Most families investment grade eventually face a crisis of personal self-realization of one or both spouses, especially when age increases well-being and reduced levels of social problems. This leads either to find other investors in a similar scheme (not applicable to personal sphere) with the same final effect (resulting in a series of relatively short-term relationships or marriage, ending most often not a solution to personal problems, and the realization of their inability to solve the only available method of searching the already impossible without changing the established and familiar type of family relationships), or escape into the concealment of personal discomfort within the family (with equally devastating result).
For families protective type, the main problem is often the transition of one spouse to the investment stage, while the other, initially not concerned about the ambitions in the social sphere, unable to implement and maintain these external demands. A good marker for the emergence of problems in both cases is the sharp decline in the flexibility of vector of interests of one family member depending on the needs and/or capabilities of the second; thus the problem of concealing the real behavioral priorities, beginning at the stage of the honeymoon period and vyderzhivatjsya in long-term family poker game of mutual concessions, bloom riotous color. In General, according to tradition, as in many other spheres of ethics, people in family relationships love to strive for a normal relationship, but to live by the current, which leads to the translation of notions of normal relations in the category of utopias and the rejection of attempts to realize initially much more costly and difficult, but justifiable from the point of view of the consent with itself a model of behavior, and yet, alas, there is positive apprehension that something in this area will change radically. People tend to gravitate to simple intermittent periods of joy given to the affective sphere and is not inclined to appreciate a long lasting feeling of positive peace, unfortunately one of the first component is not sufficient for full self-realization in life and it should not be forgotten.