The voice by which we speak with your baby now will stay with him forever.
It is this voice he will speak with him as an adult. All the accusations, moralizing, our dissatisfaction with them will be made based on his own attitude.
Will he be able to support myself, to cheer, if his categorical belief in their own strength, how much will he be kind to yourself and if he be kind to yourself, depends on what we say to him now.
My mom's voice, my mother's attitude, my mother's requirements and expectations is the parent “I” which life will fulfill the role of “conscience” and becomes “inner critic” for an adult. Will this critic support or Inquisitor depends on us.
Parents ' words and submission mom and dad about him for a child the unconditional truth. As if God himself told him once and for all, what it is and what it represents.
Parents laid down the core of self to transform, recolor it very difficult. And the more mines and the black, echoing spanning into the abyss of the holes, the harder man to rely on himself.
My mother's faith and support, his recognition of the absolute beauty and charm of his daughter – thanks to this, grow relaxed and confident women.
The role of the father in a girl's life – the support and recognition of its perfection. For girls dad – the ideal man. Never reach the ideal. The wisdom of the father is to love his wife and daughter, but in different ways. To be with wife, couple, lovers, two loving each other people. It is for this relationship, visible in childhood, the girl will build her family.
And daughter to invest faith in the fact that irresistible. Words to invest. The daughter sees her femininity through the eyes of the father. His opinion is the opinion of the entire male half of humanity. The recognition of her beauty and femininity, plus the unconditional support is what creates a deep sense of security and faith in yourself.
My mother's faith in the son, in his manhood and independence and unconditional support when he needs help; dad's respect and recognition is what creates the backbone of the personality. The deep feeling strong, full, real. This is what gives support and stability. Unwavering faith in the fact that the world loves you and will always support.
What will remain with our children, when we no longer?
Our voices, the words that we told them in childhood.
Our favorite phrase. What we repeated every day. What we said in rage and despair, of great love and desire to protect.
What we spoke of her helplessness. What we said, and we repeat without thinking, without questioning, because it's necessary, so all are raising.
It is these phrases that we say with zeal and fervor, belief in his righteousness, will draw our child when they grow up.
Recently my eight year old daughter was late from school. The second shift, it was dark and the phone she forgot at home. Girlfriend's daughter, which she returned, leaving her to wait for some boy near the entrance.
I ran through the neighborhood the night, hoping in the depths of the playgrounds will be able to distinguish the white sleeve of her sports jacket. The distance from home to school at the usual time small, but in that moment, it seemed to me incomprehensibly vast as the ocean, which I can never find my daughter.
When I came back home waiting for me is terrified daughter. The eldest son, received orders to rush to the search, met her on the other side of the house.
I think what happened was my daughter was scared as I was. She was willing to hang on all dogs, brand her of all mortal sins, as a man who will never deserve forgiveness.
To me costed huge efforts to talk to her, picking up every word. To explain what I'm so afraid what I'm afraid of actually. To explain without horror and parental stories, and as if I was talking to myself.
I said that she's smart and she's fine, and her actions scared me. I hope that our conversation will help her become the adult of bole, and when she will again have to make a decision, it will be able to analyze everything and make it right.
We are unable to provide a cushion for every situation that could happen to a child. In addition, parents complete and absurd, completely irrational fears. And in their desire to protect all living things we kill.All parent messages, which have already become adult an insurmountable wall, were told of the great love and with one purpose – to protect.
My job is to talk with older people. To help to understand and find a way out.
And you know what I come across when people can't take a step, do stupid things, and otherwise inhibit poisoning their lives?
The parent of the message.
Then – “what” and “what”. What you can afford and what not. If you have intelligence, beauty, talent or not.We are very much looking at yourself through the eyes of their parents. And they, already as adults, we prove that we can achieve and become. Some of us survive through, and someone in spite of.We can't do everything, but for the children we are gods. And that our messages, our children will build their whole life.