354
Gordon Neufeld about the hierarchy in marriage
The position of the one should automatically cause the other opposite set of instincts of affection. I think here also lies the secret of understanding in marriage.
The problem with romantic relationships is that you feel a romantic mood only when you are somehow amazed. Well, how long can you be amazed? It is very difficult. If you are not very smart, then Yes, you can wonder endlessly. Otherwise, it's all gone.
But here's the other side of marriage: the dance of alpha and dependable. There is no doubt that marriage should be equal. But in the attachment there is no equality. When you feel that need to your spouse, and it causes you alpha instincts, then you show itself at its best: bold, but not in a negative sense; you act in response to the needs of another. Do you believe that you – the answer to the lack of resource, and he, in turn, is the answer to your lack of vitality. In this case, your relationships are perceived as filling both. And when you no longer believe that the husband is the answer for you, there is a deep disappointment.
If we feel that they are a response to the needs of attachment to the other person, needs to belong, in love, in contact, etc., if we do behave this way, and he, in turn, feels that we need and is the answer, then there are great, satisfying both relations. And this for me is mutual understanding in marriage.
You don't need romance, when you dance well together, this is the mating dance. And when you lose the understanding when you lose that confidence that you are the best option for your spouse, marriage of cracks.
Author: Gordon Neufeld
Source: alpha-parenting.ru/2015/10/08/ob-ierarhii-v-brake/
The problem with romantic relationships is that you feel a romantic mood only when you are somehow amazed. Well, how long can you be amazed? It is very difficult. If you are not very smart, then Yes, you can wonder endlessly. Otherwise, it's all gone.
But here's the other side of marriage: the dance of alpha and dependable. There is no doubt that marriage should be equal. But in the attachment there is no equality. When you feel that need to your spouse, and it causes you alpha instincts, then you show itself at its best: bold, but not in a negative sense; you act in response to the needs of another. Do you believe that you – the answer to the lack of resource, and he, in turn, is the answer to your lack of vitality. In this case, your relationships are perceived as filling both. And when you no longer believe that the husband is the answer for you, there is a deep disappointment.
If we feel that they are a response to the needs of attachment to the other person, needs to belong, in love, in contact, etc., if we do behave this way, and he, in turn, feels that we need and is the answer, then there are great, satisfying both relations. And this for me is mutual understanding in marriage.
You don't need romance, when you dance well together, this is the mating dance. And when you lose the understanding when you lose that confidence that you are the best option for your spouse, marriage of cracks.
Author: Gordon Neufeld
Source: alpha-parenting.ru/2015/10/08/ob-ierarhii-v-brake/
