How to learn never to be angry – 3 Council of neuroscientists

Imagine: you're standing nose to nose with the man who literally boils with anger and yells at you, and all you want is to respond in kind... the only Problem is that yelling in response, you will not improve the situation. How to take yourself in hand and to hold? There are two ways and only one of them is correct.

Let's also find out answers to these painful questions, and find out how to restrain anger, what is the main error and how to fix it, thus have made happy not only themselves, but others as well.





Suppression of anger is definitely bad idea this case, you just cedite through his teeth: "all right" and trying to continue to do business. The good news is that this behavior really hides the anger – but only from others – your own emotions only amplified by the attempts to suppress them.

In the book Oliver Brookman "Antidote" describes several experiments confirming that people are hiding their emotions, experience them much stronger and longer than those who are not ashamed of these emotions to Express. If you're trying to hold back the tears, they don't disappear, and the desire to cry intensified. What happens in our heads when we try to suppress the flash of anger? And there is a real hurricane!

You cease to experience positive emotions but not negative. Your amygdala gland (the part of the brain that affect emotions) begins to work beyond measure. But what is most interesting – the emotions you suppress, the worse it gets and your companion too. Once you start to hold in my anger, blood pressure your opponent jumps that gradually deposited in the sustained hostility towards you. If you have to communicate for a long time, it is likely that the relationship between you goes lousy, and it is unlikely to please.

In addition, the suppression of emotions requires some willpower, and force, as we know, tend to end. That's why people often hide their emotions often get in a situation when said in their hearts, and later, regret.

Someone now will think: "I knew it! Races to restrain anger is harmful – it is necessary to pour out on others".

And that's wrong too.

It is not necessary to unleash slotyi here you exploded and you gotta take it out on the other as if you were in a duel. Not the best idea, agree.

Wrap and slosh of anger only amplifies the emotional explosion. To constructively Express their discontent, of course, possible, but to throw out the anger at him not to be – your anger will grow like a snowball with every spoken word.

But then what will help? You can try to escape, but will this help?

Help. Energy resources of your brain is limited, so if you switch attention to something else, the brain can not focus on constant and useless thinking about unpleasant situations.

What do you know about the test, Marshmellow? The child was given one marshmallow and left him alone in the room, promising at the end to give two pieces of marshmallow, if he can resist and not eat the one he already has. What were the results? Children who have been able to pull myself together and ate marshmallows in the future achieved the best results in his career and never went to jail.

The test results are clear, but few people spoke about how the children managed to restrain myself and not eat candy. Very simply – they were distracted. Walter Michel, the author of the study, commented:

"The kids found something to do: they sing melodies, tinkering in his ears, played with the fingers or with what I could find in the room. Thus, they smoothed internal conflict and eliminate a bad situation."

And this technique works with other types of strong emotions, such as anger.

Yes, Yes, I know – quite difficult to distract yourself when someone is hysterically screaming you right in the face. However, there is one way.

Periences every detail imagine the situation: someone is standing a few inches from you and yells at you, hurl. You really want to retaliate or even make a good "companion" about something.

But what if I tell you that the man yesterday lost his mother? Or is he going through a bad divorce, and yesterday he took away the right for children?

You would likely not have taken his anger so much to heart, and perhaps even sympathize with.

What has changed? Nothing! Just the background, which you yourself said has changed your view of the situation. As I said to Alice: "You are offended not at the event, and in his own thoughts". Next time, faced with a situation where someone starts to pick on you anger, just tell yourself: "I can't help it. He's just a bad day." As soon as you change your view of the situation — the brain changes your feelings toward her.

In one of the books David Rock describes an interesting experiment: Professor Ochsner has researched people's emotions with the help of the scanner. Subjects were shown the same picture, which depicted a man crying near the Church. At first, people felt sympathy and sadness. However, when they said it was tears of joy, and a man is marriage – the emotions of people changed radically. The Professor explains this circumstance by the fact that our emotions depend on our beliefs about the world – as we change perceptions – emotions are also changing.

Thus, if you say to yourself: "he's just a bad day", your view of reality will change, and negative emotions will be driven positive. The result will not keep itself waiting long. The research described by James gross in one of his books, showed that people who use such equipment-replacement anger, in practice, have more friends and close contacts.

Moreover, this technique will allow you to get rid of the anger crushing him in himself, and therefore not "explode" later. You no longer have to regret the words spoken by someone in a temper.

What we have in the end?

To get rid of anger you need to:

• Not to suppress anger may around and do not see its manifestations, but very good sense of your condition, and the relationship would deteriorate.
• Do not cheat yourself tumbling their emotions on others – to Express the reason for his discontent in a calm and constructive – please. But not loosening his anger even more – you will suffer.
• Will re-evaluate the situation – just tell yourself: "I can't help it – he's just a tough day."

 

Of course, there are times when your opponent deliberately takes you out of yourself, and then have no choice but to simply try to suppress the anger in order not to aggravate their feelings. And yet sometimes the reassessment of the situation can help you change your emotions and to replace feelings of anger with compassion, sympathy or understanding.

Now, the last step on the path to healthy relationships is to forgive. And you need it, and not your companion. Remember the old adage: hold it against someone is the same as drinking poison myself, thinking that I would die by someone else.published

translation Anna Kiseleva

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

Source: mixstuff.ru/archives/94045