The power of vulnerability

I wanted to write this stuff after reading a book by brene brown “the Gifts of imperfection”. Psychologist and researcher brené brown finds out people's secrets, living a full and happy life, and comes in his book to the conclusion that the recognition and acceptance of our own vulnerability is one of them.

I think about it a lot, and thought before reading the book. Because for me to acknowledge and show their vulnerability — the step that requires tremendous effort and courage. It doesn't always work. Often does not work at all. But I try, because I believe that vulnerability is the key to selfhood and individuality, and in many ways the key to these close relations.

I want to talk about it, but not to be lost in their own reasoning and does not produce sterile discussions will begin with a boring, but necessary for the understanding of the whole text of definitions.

Shoveled the entire Internet, found the definition and Ozhegova Ephraim, the word "vulnerable", but found "vulnerability". And "vulnerable" are both determined by the dictionary synonyms of "vulnerable" and "weak", which I think simplifies the essence, and not disclose it.

And here is the Wikipedia definition I thought was very accurate.

"Vulnerability is the parameter characterizing the possibility of applying the described damage system of any nature by various external means or factors. Vulnerability is inextricably linked with the characteristics of "vitality"."

Survivability, in turn, is defined as "the ability of technical devices, structures, equipment or systems to perform their main function, despite all the damage".

I liked these definitions, because together they reflect the core essence of vulnerability. It is not a weakness, not sensitivity and even vulnerability. The vulnerability is an integral part of the essence of the human body, vitality. Vulnerability means that the organism is alive, him various external means can damage. But another integral part of the human body (and this is very important!) is survivability — the ability to recover, to live, to perform basic functions despite all the damage.

Very often you can find the use of the words "weakness", "sensitivity", "vulnerability", "vulnerability", "openness" as a synonym of vulnerability, but terminology in the context of this material is wrong. A person may not possess any of these qualities in their ordinary sense, but it will remain vulnerable, it's only in the quality and quantity of the injuries it was sustaining.

Remember the beautiful ancient Greek legend of Achilles, whom his mother, the sea goddess Thetis — bathed in the waters of the sacred river, so as to make him invulnerable and immortal. And only the heel, for which she had a baby, dipping it in the water, have not received the magic of protection. And each of us has an "Achilles heel", and not one — places that carefully as we would not protect them, we can hurt and even kill.

I think anybody should not remain doubts that the person is vulnerable, like any living creature. Only a person even more vulnerable, because in addition to the loss of their physical usefulness and power, he is more than risk — feelings, emotions, mind.

However, each gets on with his vulnerability in his own way- one does not recognize her, the other conceals and protected from the vulnerability, the third is learning to show her in a safe space.

I would say that the vulnerability of living on three levels.

The first level is a complete denial of it. You know those people who believe that have everything under control? In the area of control affects not only the party people, objects and circumstances, but also the man himself with his emotions and feelings.

The second level is the recognition of their vulnerability, but the presence of external control. A man understands that he is vulnerable, he knows their weaknesses and imperfections, but is not ready to open, and to show them to the world.

Live almost all of us, even those who are well advanced in self-knowledge. We understand who we are, but when it comes to showing it to others, something stops. Fear of pain, the risk is not to please and not to love such a familiar world, the fear of being alone.

To show to others — friends and strangers — their sick point, thin places, his "Achilles ' heel" is a huge risk. It requires courage, sincerity, and basic self-confidence. For me it is almost unattainable the third level of being a vulnerability.

At this level we are often very selective to what to show to whom and when. Loved ones receive a slightly greater portion of us, real. Colleagues — small pieces. Friends in Facebook is almost nothing, well unless you are a beginner blogger, which aims to conquer the virtual world with their sincerity and humanity. I'm exaggerating, of course.

I am convinced that life in the full capacity of emotions and feelings, happy, fulfilling real life is only possible on the third level. How much to open and it is up to you. But to admit your vulnerability and show her the outside world is necessary, in order to love, to be themselves, in order to survive.

My call to the demonstration of vulnerability would be lopsided if I hadn't took the courage to write about the "gold bars", which provide recognition and demonstrate its vulnerability. But I just say, I do not pretend to be scientific and exploratory nature of their findings. In many ways I rely on the book “the Gifts of imperfection”, but not copied from a word, really. I write as someone who makes their steps to a full life, man and his relationship with the vulnerability, the person who learns to be himself and who knows how important and difficult this way.

To acknowledge and show their vulnerability — the only way to be themselves, to acquire self and personality.

We live in a world of well thought out and drawn masks. From the TV we are shocked men and women his intelligence, eloquence, exceptional youthfulness and beauty.

Social networks show us profiles of highly sought-after leading a successful healthy lifestyle exceptional people.

We want to meet. And you can fit even behind the closed door in the toilet where no one sees or hears. We want to be special, strong, interesting people with no weaknesses and all sorts of problems.

And so we live, wearing the mask is pretty decent in all respects of the person, or turning to the world in just one of his best, in our opinion, side.

I'm not going to write about how we are all beautiful, and how cool and important to show every bit of himself. There are qualities that I find unacceptable, and nothing will convince me that they deserve openness and transparency.

But very often we don't know enough about yourself and the people around us, showing them wrongly selected image.

We are losing yourself, your personality, brightness, character, uniqueness, trying to please this world is not what we actually have.

And only by showing their vulnerability, their shortcomings, thin places its operating system, which, alas, can hurt, we become ourselves. We enable the world to touch us in the present. And the only way we can lose brightness and not to merge with the dull weight of "immune", the only way to make and create real friendships and emotionally intimate relationship.

The recognition and demonstration of their vulnerability required in a relationship.

These emotionally close relationships always arise where there is no fear of vulnerability in front of a partner. Intimacy itself requires that we let to another person so close that it is not afraid to open and show him the most painful place.

I'm not saying that love can only live where people can be themselves, showing each other who you really are.

Emotionally naked is always scary, less scary to do it before loved ones. Don't know about you, but to me the most terrible and cruel wounds inflicted by the closest people. But this does not negate the fact that creating a close relationship, it is impossible again not to take risks.

To acknowledge and show their vulnerability — the only way to create intimacy, to feel, to hear, to understand each other.

Vulnerability is the key to understand people, compassion and empathy.

The failure of our own vulnerability makes us demanding and insensitive not only to themselves but to other people. To empathize with the loss of another person, to mourn him grief, feel the emptiness and pain can only be naked yourself. If we are fully involved in order to touch up their wounds, we will be difficult to hear the cries of another person.

Finally, we can't be quite tolerant and sympathetic to other people, if we lack wisdom to discern our own faults and accept them.

The recognition and demonstration of their vulnerability is the only way to put a high and londontime purpose.

The fear of making a mistake and being publicly crucified for it has never made anyone stronger, braver, neither in the production nor in the achievement of the goal.

Self-analyzing, I suddenly realized that my perfectionism — the desire to always stay on top and achieve all perfection — never helped me to achieve the goals. He was only forced me to choose the most realistic and the easiest goal to reach which I had no chance. I found that all I prefer to do in life, almost no risk to fail and to fall...

How much I could make if so much was not afraid to make a mistake, showing the world their inability to achieve their goals. What would be ambitious and bold plans I would paint myself if I so much did not depend on the surrounding views.

If we cease to be afraid to show the world their mistakes, their failure and inability to achieve something desired, we can be truly bold in their plans and expectations from life. We can learn to put the desired londontime big goals and not be afraid to take risks.

The adoption and demonstration of their vulnerability is the only way to live an emotionally full life.

Attempt to avoid vulnerability leads to numbness of feelings and emotional sphere of the person. Unfortunately, the human psyche is not able to be selective is to block out negative experiences and to live a colorful and happy. Numbness of the senses means that we cease to live all the emotions, joyful and bitter.

In order to experience all the beauty of the universe, to enjoy the upcoming day, smiling playing children, to feel life, happiness and warmth — just neobhodimosti and experience negative emotions — pain, frustration, fear.

If we are not afraid of vulnerability, and recognize and demonstrate it, we don't need special protection from hurt and disappointment. We are willing to experience different feelings, we know that we can hurt and offend. But this only makes us more sensitive to the entire range of the universe of experiences. Now we can really smile the good that it brings to us.

When I was 18, I knew what I wanted to be. I pictured the image of a successful sociable optimistic decisive woman ever learn to be. The years it took to create this coveted look. Something ingrained in the skin so strongly that even scrubbing with soap and water. I believed that then I'll have a real happy life. Now, after 35, I think it is not so. Real life is the ability to be yourself, don't lie to yourself, not to wear a way to scrape all the peel and dance naked.

Not to make this a huge complicated way back, make no mistake. Don't be afraid to be yourself and show the world yourself. Don't hide from the vulnerability that is what makes you special, real, alive. Read intelligent books, not after 35 and up. And listen to your heart.published


Author Maria Nikonova


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki



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