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Stop trying to bait a child's endless nagging!
The basis of any deviations in the child's behavior are the problems of borders. The responsibility of parents is to create boundaries and begin to build a relationship with the child based on causal relationships. There are two conditions under which this is possible: stop trying to bait a child's endless quibbling and stop to control his every move.
We all like to create boundaries, but don't like to hear about the boundaries other that what gives me pleasure is "good" and what is sad, is bad. Since Adam and eve man has consistently failed to take responsibility for their own life, does not want to be responsible for himself.
The task of the parents — by example to help the child develop responsibility, self-control and inner freedom. Creating boundaries and respect their integrity — not an easy task, but if you follow the rules, then the result will not keep itself waiting.
STEPS TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES WITH CHILDREN
Step 1. Be aware of the existence of three realities
First: your child is imperfect.
This reality can assert itself almost imperceptibly — subtle nuances of behavior or attitude, or too much — with the intervention of law enforcement. But all children are little sinners; that is our human essence.
Some parents perceive the child's behavior inappropriately and trying to justify existing problems: what really causes pain, they pretend to wit, laziness they believe fatigue, molestation — emotional.
Why do parents do it?
Some are afraid to feel guilty, others do not want to discredit their own perfectionism. Some feel that their child becomes a victim, others do not want to feel uncomfortable. And there are those who do not want to make an effort, without which it is impossible to establish discipline.
Parents should think: may be that they sacrifice the welfare of the child safeguarding its own peace and prosperity.
After the existence of the problem was recognized, closely You come to the second reality: this is not a problem as such. The behavior or the child's attitude that takes You out of yourself, is just a symptom, the real cause in most cases is the problem of boundaries.
The child without borders there will be similar symptoms is not yet formed its boundary.
Here are a few examples of such symptomatic problems: bad grades — from a misunderstanding of causality, in command of other children — from disrespect to other people's boundaries, not listening — not afraid of the consequences, behaving provocatively considers that it has special rights.
The third reality that You have to count, no cure.
Many parents are eliminated from the solution of the boundary problems because someone told them, "you just Have to wait until the kids grow up." Children. of course, will grow. But is in front of your eyes a few examples of forty people who grew up but never found the border? Infections are treated not only with time but also with antibiotics.
Step 2. Feed the energy of other
Be sure to keep good relationships with helpful people, not to withdraw into themselves, communicating only with a spouse is not enough. Helping your child to set boundaries, you ultimately contribute to his emotional and spiritual growth. But growth cannot occur in a vacuum. This job wears you down, weakens, even maddening. One information is not enough. You need love and help other people.
Step 3. Strengthen your boundaries
Before You begin to instill in your child the necessity of forming boundaries, stand on the right path.
Children have a remarkable ability to catch the slightest deception. They are still not live so long in this world and have not learned to subtly lie to ourselves about what he saw. They feel when You hypocrites or tell them to do what they do not do themselves.
Moreover, each of us in any case of a life bound to develop and improve their own borders.
The most important thing — not what You do, but how You behave with the child. Watch yourself: how You react to his actions, avoiding it, beg for it or ignore it. Work on what is lacking in You that causes Your inappropriate reaction.
How do You feel the outer boundary of the child, which it passes through itself, so either You become a key to the solution, or the perpetual motion problem. First, place the order themselves and form a structure of the self, and then proceed to restore order and structure formation of the personality of their child.
Step 4. Evaluate the situation and make a plan of action
Step 5. Go to the end.
The last step is harder and more important than all the previous ones.
Your entire plan will fail if You do not will be a personal boundary of her child. It all depends on how well you will do what you say.
To paraphrase a famous saying, we can say this: the road to the devoid of borders hell is paved with good intentions.
You establish a new way of being a child in this world — in a world in which behavior and suffering are directly linked. The child need not be a parent who is constantly grumbling and angry and which you can ignore or "get it".
He needs an adult occupying a clear position and giving him complete freedom to choose how difficult or how pleasant would be his life. This will be his adaptation. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: 7irinka-club.livejournal.com/77871.html
We all like to create boundaries, but don't like to hear about the boundaries other that what gives me pleasure is "good" and what is sad, is bad. Since Adam and eve man has consistently failed to take responsibility for their own life, does not want to be responsible for himself.
The task of the parents — by example to help the child develop responsibility, self-control and inner freedom. Creating boundaries and respect their integrity — not an easy task, but if you follow the rules, then the result will not keep itself waiting.
STEPS TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES WITH CHILDREN
Step 1. Be aware of the existence of three realities
First: your child is imperfect.
This reality can assert itself almost imperceptibly — subtle nuances of behavior or attitude, or too much — with the intervention of law enforcement. But all children are little sinners; that is our human essence.
Some parents perceive the child's behavior inappropriately and trying to justify existing problems: what really causes pain, they pretend to wit, laziness they believe fatigue, molestation — emotional.
Why do parents do it?
Some are afraid to feel guilty, others do not want to discredit their own perfectionism. Some feel that their child becomes a victim, others do not want to feel uncomfortable. And there are those who do not want to make an effort, without which it is impossible to establish discipline.
Parents should think: may be that they sacrifice the welfare of the child safeguarding its own peace and prosperity.
After the existence of the problem was recognized, closely You come to the second reality: this is not a problem as such. The behavior or the child's attitude that takes You out of yourself, is just a symptom, the real cause in most cases is the problem of boundaries.
The child without borders there will be similar symptoms is not yet formed its boundary.
Here are a few examples of such symptomatic problems: bad grades — from a misunderstanding of causality, in command of other children — from disrespect to other people's boundaries, not listening — not afraid of the consequences, behaving provocatively considers that it has special rights.
The third reality that You have to count, no cure.
Many parents are eliminated from the solution of the boundary problems because someone told them, "you just Have to wait until the kids grow up." Children. of course, will grow. But is in front of your eyes a few examples of forty people who grew up but never found the border? Infections are treated not only with time but also with antibiotics.
Step 2. Feed the energy of other
Be sure to keep good relationships with helpful people, not to withdraw into themselves, communicating only with a spouse is not enough. Helping your child to set boundaries, you ultimately contribute to his emotional and spiritual growth. But growth cannot occur in a vacuum. This job wears you down, weakens, even maddening. One information is not enough. You need love and help other people.
Step 3. Strengthen your boundaries
Before You begin to instill in your child the necessity of forming boundaries, stand on the right path.
Children have a remarkable ability to catch the slightest deception. They are still not live so long in this world and have not learned to subtly lie to ourselves about what he saw. They feel when You hypocrites or tell them to do what they do not do themselves.
Moreover, each of us in any case of a life bound to develop and improve their own borders.
The most important thing — not what You do, but how You behave with the child. Watch yourself: how You react to his actions, avoiding it, beg for it or ignore it. Work on what is lacking in You that causes Your inappropriate reaction.
How do You feel the outer boundary of the child, which it passes through itself, so either You become a key to the solution, or the perpetual motion problem. First, place the order themselves and form a structure of the self, and then proceed to restore order and structure formation of the personality of their child.
Step 4. Evaluate the situation and make a plan of action
Step 5. Go to the end.
The last step is harder and more important than all the previous ones.
Your entire plan will fail if You do not will be a personal boundary of her child. It all depends on how well you will do what you say.
To paraphrase a famous saying, we can say this: the road to the devoid of borders hell is paved with good intentions.
You establish a new way of being a child in this world — in a world in which behavior and suffering are directly linked. The child need not be a parent who is constantly grumbling and angry and which you can ignore or "get it".
He needs an adult occupying a clear position and giving him complete freedom to choose how difficult or how pleasant would be his life. This will be his adaptation. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: 7irinka-club.livejournal.com/77871.html
