342
I no longer want...
The area of intimacy and sexuality is filled with so many myths, dogmas and taboos that she could use with one hand scientific, on the other hand, is human, adult look.
To me, the session often women come with requests on the subject of relationships, and in the process one way or another, questions arise of dissatisfaction with their sex life. However, more often it sounds like: “He didn't want me anymore. Does not show initiative. Don't see me as a woman. I don't remember when we last had sex”.
It happens that when we find it difficult to admit their own feelings, it is easier to attribute their experiences to another person: “He doesn't see me as a woman. He doesn't want me. He believes that all so well” or “He's not happy with the situation.”
If you have to ask yourself – “what am I? And I that feel?” with greater probability will be that I don't feel sexual interest and I find it difficult to see him as a man. What we have is something that I have lost all desire or excitement is not so strong or does not occur at all. Or I can not orgasm and I feel the dissatisfaction and alienation in our relationship.
If you have to accept the fact that relationship is a movement from both sides; they always have the “I” part of my needs and desires, including those that I'm not aware of, not just him and his initiative, that it is the responsibility of an adult to leave the desire to “fix” and “treat” the other, and try to understand what is going on with me.
Charles Herman, a former President of the French society of clinical sexology developed the “Cycle of sexual response”. If we impose it for “the cycle of contact,” used in Gestalt therapy, then it will look like that.
The cycle of sexual contact:
Seventy one million three hundred three thousand two hundred fifty seven
Basic principles and milestones of sexual cycle are well described in the book the Martel Brigitte “Sexuality. Love and Gestalt.” When writing this article I spoke to her work)
So,
1. Sexual interest is the first step in the awakening of energy in the direction of sexuality.
2. Desire at this point understood their desire for a real or imaginary object. Sexual desire can be as a response to what is happening outside or as your own internal, as it seems nothing can not bound the desire. It combines the attraction (the result of the action of hormones or environmental stimuli) and arousal from thoughts and fantasies. At this stage, the person decides whether to stay him in this phase, slow down or interrupt. Or still move on.
3. Excitation. At this point, become visible physiological signs - chief among them the moisturizing vagina and erection. The body prepares for the more intimate contacts.
4. Plateau is the period when the excitation is strong enough in one season. Neuromuscular tension is high; the body prepares to orgasm. If he does not, then the voltage drop can last a long time.
5. Orgasm – the experience this experience includes physical and mental components. Physically it manifests itself in a powerful release of energy that is experienced by a man sometimes locally, sometimes in the whole body.
6. Permission – the stage of physiological changes, during which the bodies return to their former size. This phase of the discharge, which occurs directly after orgasm and can last from several minutes to several hours.
7. Refractory period - occurs simultaneously with the phase of resolution or after it. Its intensity is different for different people, but more visible in men. At this time another cycle may begin, stimulation can cause a negative response. This phase is longer in older men. Many women refractory period is very short, and they can fairly quickly start a new cycle.
8. Assimilation of experience or mental processing during this phase, the person evaluates the incident and takes decisions for the future.
This cycle of sexual contact, I often draw in sessions to find out exactly where the failure occurs and how the man himself stops from moving further.
It is important to remember that sexual health is not only the opportunity to go through the whole cycle from beginning to end, but wish to interrupt or suspend it in its early stages.
Eighty three million one hundred twenty two thousand nine hundred seventy one
each of us has an experience that affects how we are building your sex life.
Childhood traumas, abuse, trespassing, incestuous behavior of parents, even if direct physical violence was not the experience of the first attempts of sexual life, formed rigid rules and understand ourselves – all of this shapes our intimacy and what we bring into contact with the other person.
Sex is part of the basic human needs. It is located on the first level of Maslow's pyramid, along with the need for food, sleep and water.
Fifty eight million five hundred eighty eight thousand five hundred forty seven
Satisfaction of this first stage, simple physiological needs is the Foundation for a peaceful meet the following. The “hole” at this level betrays a hunger that is very difficult to eat, drink, or money, although many are trying.
We've got two kinds of energy that move us forward, both sexual and aggressive.
Biological aggression will allow us to make expansion into the world, to develop, to learn new things, to move towards their goals, to present themselves, to meet their needs, to take what we need and go after what we want.
Annihilation aggression – the whole set of negative feelings (irritation, anger, rage, hatred ) arises when something interferes with our movement to what we need, and we unconsciously slowing down its healthy biological aggression. In this case it transformirovalsya in annihilation, turning into anger, rage, and anger.
Sexual energy is no less important in meeting our needs. It is present by default in every living person, even if not nasosnaya and is not felt as such.
A healthy direction for sexual energy to another adult.
But it so happens that for some reason a grown man can't satisfy their sexual desires with the same for adults as it is, in this case, he begins unconsciously to find other ways to satisfy their sexuality. And often the object of a storm of sexual feelings become children.
Parents, especially unrestrained in love with their children, often don't feel where they begin to use their children as a sexual object. I'm not talking about cases of sexual violence, in these cases, adults generally know what's going on. I'm talking about the excited, all-consuming love, the place where the relationship between two adults, not between mother and son or father and daughter or mother and daughter or a boy and his dad.
Where the parents use all their sexual energy on their partner, the partner becomes the default child.
And all of those incestuous feelings toward the parent of either gender to have a child to live on and somehow this traumatic experience to build their sexuality.
Thirty seven million six hundred twelve thousand eight hundred sixty
The issue of borders is one of the most important in the formation of sexuality.
People whose boundaries have been systematically violated, can hardly discover their own feelings and needs, to determine what they themselves want. It is difficult to separate their chuvsva and needs from the other person's wishes. And on the other hand, there is a tendency to attribute their chuvsva and thoughts of another. And if it is determined that the other – he's different, he has other plans, other needs and not similar to my desire, – tragedy and another disappointment.
Sexuality is one of the subtle facets of our personality that plays a huge role in our lives. whether we like it or not, but it is present in all relationships.
Own sexuality often remains under the canopy of the mystery for ourselves. To realize that area itself, and to clothe in words the feelings, emotions, doubts and desires interfere with the shame. Despite the General sexual revolution, sexuality remains tabuirovannykh.
I hope that this article and the scheme of sexual contact will help You to open up the area themselves and maybe start a conversation on the topic of their sexual satisfaction with their partner or specialist. published
Author: Irina Dubova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: dybova.ru/news/ya-bolshe-ego-ne-xochu-i-voobshhe-nikogo-ne-xochu-cikl-seksualnogo-kontakta-i-ego-sryvy/
To me, the session often women come with requests on the subject of relationships, and in the process one way or another, questions arise of dissatisfaction with their sex life. However, more often it sounds like: “He didn't want me anymore. Does not show initiative. Don't see me as a woman. I don't remember when we last had sex”.
It happens that when we find it difficult to admit their own feelings, it is easier to attribute their experiences to another person: “He doesn't see me as a woman. He doesn't want me. He believes that all so well” or “He's not happy with the situation.”
If you have to ask yourself – “what am I? And I that feel?” with greater probability will be that I don't feel sexual interest and I find it difficult to see him as a man. What we have is something that I have lost all desire or excitement is not so strong or does not occur at all. Or I can not orgasm and I feel the dissatisfaction and alienation in our relationship.
If you have to accept the fact that relationship is a movement from both sides; they always have the “I” part of my needs and desires, including those that I'm not aware of, not just him and his initiative, that it is the responsibility of an adult to leave the desire to “fix” and “treat” the other, and try to understand what is going on with me.
Charles Herman, a former President of the French society of clinical sexology developed the “Cycle of sexual response”. If we impose it for “the cycle of contact,” used in Gestalt therapy, then it will look like that.
The cycle of sexual contact:
Seventy one million three hundred three thousand two hundred fifty seven
Basic principles and milestones of sexual cycle are well described in the book the Martel Brigitte “Sexuality. Love and Gestalt.” When writing this article I spoke to her work)
So,
1. Sexual interest is the first step in the awakening of energy in the direction of sexuality.
2. Desire at this point understood their desire for a real or imaginary object. Sexual desire can be as a response to what is happening outside or as your own internal, as it seems nothing can not bound the desire. It combines the attraction (the result of the action of hormones or environmental stimuli) and arousal from thoughts and fantasies. At this stage, the person decides whether to stay him in this phase, slow down or interrupt. Or still move on.
3. Excitation. At this point, become visible physiological signs - chief among them the moisturizing vagina and erection. The body prepares for the more intimate contacts.
4. Plateau is the period when the excitation is strong enough in one season. Neuromuscular tension is high; the body prepares to orgasm. If he does not, then the voltage drop can last a long time.
5. Orgasm – the experience this experience includes physical and mental components. Physically it manifests itself in a powerful release of energy that is experienced by a man sometimes locally, sometimes in the whole body.
6. Permission – the stage of physiological changes, during which the bodies return to their former size. This phase of the discharge, which occurs directly after orgasm and can last from several minutes to several hours.
7. Refractory period - occurs simultaneously with the phase of resolution or after it. Its intensity is different for different people, but more visible in men. At this time another cycle may begin, stimulation can cause a negative response. This phase is longer in older men. Many women refractory period is very short, and they can fairly quickly start a new cycle.
8. Assimilation of experience or mental processing during this phase, the person evaluates the incident and takes decisions for the future.
This cycle of sexual contact, I often draw in sessions to find out exactly where the failure occurs and how the man himself stops from moving further.
It is important to remember that sexual health is not only the opportunity to go through the whole cycle from beginning to end, but wish to interrupt or suspend it in its early stages.
Eighty three million one hundred twenty two thousand nine hundred seventy one
each of us has an experience that affects how we are building your sex life.
Childhood traumas, abuse, trespassing, incestuous behavior of parents, even if direct physical violence was not the experience of the first attempts of sexual life, formed rigid rules and understand ourselves – all of this shapes our intimacy and what we bring into contact with the other person.
Sex is part of the basic human needs. It is located on the first level of Maslow's pyramid, along with the need for food, sleep and water.
Fifty eight million five hundred eighty eight thousand five hundred forty seven
Satisfaction of this first stage, simple physiological needs is the Foundation for a peaceful meet the following. The “hole” at this level betrays a hunger that is very difficult to eat, drink, or money, although many are trying.
We've got two kinds of energy that move us forward, both sexual and aggressive.
Biological aggression will allow us to make expansion into the world, to develop, to learn new things, to move towards their goals, to present themselves, to meet their needs, to take what we need and go after what we want.
Annihilation aggression – the whole set of negative feelings (irritation, anger, rage, hatred ) arises when something interferes with our movement to what we need, and we unconsciously slowing down its healthy biological aggression. In this case it transformirovalsya in annihilation, turning into anger, rage, and anger.
Sexual energy is no less important in meeting our needs. It is present by default in every living person, even if not nasosnaya and is not felt as such.
A healthy direction for sexual energy to another adult.
But it so happens that for some reason a grown man can't satisfy their sexual desires with the same for adults as it is, in this case, he begins unconsciously to find other ways to satisfy their sexuality. And often the object of a storm of sexual feelings become children.
Parents, especially unrestrained in love with their children, often don't feel where they begin to use their children as a sexual object. I'm not talking about cases of sexual violence, in these cases, adults generally know what's going on. I'm talking about the excited, all-consuming love, the place where the relationship between two adults, not between mother and son or father and daughter or mother and daughter or a boy and his dad.
Where the parents use all their sexual energy on their partner, the partner becomes the default child.
And all of those incestuous feelings toward the parent of either gender to have a child to live on and somehow this traumatic experience to build their sexuality.
Thirty seven million six hundred twelve thousand eight hundred sixty
The issue of borders is one of the most important in the formation of sexuality.
People whose boundaries have been systematically violated, can hardly discover their own feelings and needs, to determine what they themselves want. It is difficult to separate their chuvsva and needs from the other person's wishes. And on the other hand, there is a tendency to attribute their chuvsva and thoughts of another. And if it is determined that the other – he's different, he has other plans, other needs and not similar to my desire, – tragedy and another disappointment.
Sexuality is one of the subtle facets of our personality that plays a huge role in our lives. whether we like it or not, but it is present in all relationships.
Own sexuality often remains under the canopy of the mystery for ourselves. To realize that area itself, and to clothe in words the feelings, emotions, doubts and desires interfere with the shame. Despite the General sexual revolution, sexuality remains tabuirovannykh.
I hope that this article and the scheme of sexual contact will help You to open up the area themselves and maybe start a conversation on the topic of their sexual satisfaction with their partner or specialist. published
Author: Irina Dubova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: dybova.ru/news/ya-bolshe-ego-ne-xochu-i-voobshhe-nikogo-ne-xochu-cikl-seksualnogo-kontakta-i-ego-sryvy/
