Phone and Boundaries: Take care of your personal space!

I have a good example of boundaries.

You, too, probably, are constantly called by these salespeople, violating your personal boundaries, taking your time, attention, perhaps even money on roaming and building a dialogue like this:



- Hello there!

Pause. Who's teaching these guys to pause? All these coaches should be fired. Instead of being forced to speak quickly and clearly, they are taught to stretch words and pause! They are taught to wait for them to be politely greeted in return, this detached person here will say hello happily to this guy, about whom he has no idea, but sullenly guesses that he stole somewhere his phone number, so that something unnecessary to him to sell.

“Yes,” says, say, a person, seeing that the pause has been prolonged, and the person on the other end of the wire proudly waits for polite hello in response. That's how the trainer taught him, who was stuck in the '90s, when the ad just started showing up, the flow of information was sluggish and it still worked.

- My name is Vasily! - Joyfully announces the dummy and again pauses. (Instructions)

Or (more often girls call):

- My name is Anastasia!

(What are they waiting for? “It is a pleasure, Nastenka, and I am Fedor. Are you married? Nope? Why would I know her name?

The person is nervous because he knows that this steamer is calling him, but he can’t say “Fuck you, Anastasia,” because he’s not sure that it’s him, and not some friend of his. And he's agonizingly trying to recognize that voice by straining the gray matter.

And then, after a majestic pause, the essence of the proposal begins to be presented very slowly. Well, the salon offers some shitty promotion or LLC plastic windows, no matter. It is important that the person did not ask any of this, did not ask himself to call, did not intend to waste time listening to commercials, he stopped watching TV because of advertising long ago. But no, he's forced to listen until he pulls out.

Nonsense, you think? Nope. ethon petty blood-drinking. There is also a very low level of communication.

There. Everybody better keep in mind. I do not hope for stupid coaches, of course, I hope for my intelligent readers. You cannot call a person in our time without prior agreement or without prior written notice.

You can't intrude into your personal space with a call. Nobody! Even your friends, even close ones, are undesirable if you have not previously agreed to call at this time. You can't. Everyone has a mobile Internet, you need to send a message where you can briefly summarize the essence of the matter.

What do you want? What's your problem? What do you want to spend a person’s attention on? Can this all be resolved in writing? And if not, then let him choose the form himself, if it is not for him, but for you. And if you call without his request, then you need to, do not confuse.

That is, writing "Can I call?" is also not very respectful of borders. It is necessary to describe briefly the essence of the case about which you want to call. What you want to talk about, indicate, and then the person will decide whether he needs it or not, how urgent it is, right now he wants to hear you or it is more convenient for him to postpone the conversation until the evening.

Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you about it. It's his right. You send a request and you have to do it in a way that makes the person comfortable.

Well, if all of a sudden you call without prior arrangement, talk quickly and on business, without any pauses and "Hello... er... well, how are you there?" He's not the one calling you, you know? He's busy there, maybe very interesting, and you tear him off and don't save him time.





Yes, even if you're sure he's a slacker, or convinced he's happy to hear your voice, the rules are the same. It's very important, it's not small things. From such little things here and there, here and here, gradually accumulates a person’s fatigue from you and irritation.Well, it is very useful to track your boundaries in small things.So that you don't mess around with big stuff later, where it costs you more.

Some people think calling and asking, "Is there a way to talk now or call back?" is polite. Nope. Because you didn't say what to talk about. If it is about his business and his interests, then he has the opportunity, even if he is busy, and if it is about some nonsense, then there is no possibility and there is no need to call back, it is better at some meeting or when you both will be comfortable on the phone.

Especially impolite when a person says he can't talk and you ask him to call back. You're not his boss, you're not his wife, Mom, you're just someone on the left, and you haven't told him what he should call you back. A lot of people don’t understand this, but they should. This creates an idea of boundaries.

Do you have any examples of border violations like this phone spam?

When in the store consultants begin to climb obsessively and profusely and literally pursue, causing the desire to immediately leave this place and never go there again - it is from the same opera about, yes, but a little better.

After all, at least you came there yourself, maybe you accidentally ended up there, and you were caught, but the consultant at least did not come to your house. By the way, how should a consultant behave so as not to beat a person along his borders and not to drive him into a corner?

Think of other examples, please. published

Author: Marina Komissarova

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Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/254073.html