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How not to let people control you — 12 Golden rules
You have to — you do it
Whenever conversation sounds the word "should" when talking about the debt or obligations, it is necessary to ask the question "Who cares?". Manipulators like to mention that the desired need in the first place. For example, the phrase parents, "You need to find a job", free from manipulation, will sound like this: "I need you to stop sitting on my neck and went to work." In the meantime, the child will not have to go to work, he was sitting comfortably on the neck.
Do not promise. If promised — do
Remember how often under the pressure of other people you gave rash promises. The manipulator will be to push you to give rash promises and then exploit your guilt. Just don't promise, but once promised — execute. Then next time think twice before you take on extra commitments.
Do not ask — do not go
Often, we are guided by good intentions, make things worse. We just didn't ask for help. Then our efforts are taken for granted. Even worse is when one person asks another. Helping in such a situation, we break the law "You need to — and you do." If you think it's obvious that person needs help, take the opportunity to ask him whether he is ready to take it from you. Suddenly a girl with a heel stuck in the drain grate, set it up specifically to meet that cute kid. And you, beech, and took all the spoil. Could at least ask.
In the request you can't refuse
Any request suggests thanks. Manipulators tend to give empty promises or forget about the services. Perform the request, but don't hesitate to ask about the return service. Perhaps even in advance.
Live the present (not the past and not the future)
One of the most important laws, it helps you easily destroy manipulation comparison with you in the past. We never want to be worse than himself, often shared with other people. For example, manipulation "Before you was not" easily destroyed "Before it was before." The sweet promises of the future, promises half from the skin not killed a bear instantly stop after the question "So it will be then, and now what exactly do you propose?".
Don't get attached
How often we become attached to the person, subject or activity? How this attachment can be strong without putting our composure under threat? For everyone the answer to this question. Just remember: these emotional ties you to easily blackmailed. Don't let your loved ones become domestic terrorists, not supalite.
Do not put the goal (goal should serve as a beacon)
For me it was the strangest law. For me it is important to be purposeful. To realize his wisdom took me some time. That is why I prefer the formulation with the addition of the lighthouse. If the goal is set incorrectly, then after reaching it comes devastation. Most likely, this goal is imposed on you from outside. So always ask yourself or the people that inspire you to achievements, the question of "what next?". I cite as example, one of my favorite phrases of all parents: "You need to get a higher education." And then what? To be a realtor, sales consultant or start your business without higher education.
Do not bother
The most brilliant of all laws. They can and should use against itself and against other people. The phrase "don't bother, please" can work wonders. The main thing — to tell her before you start to experience irritation.
Nature has no bad weather
The law with the greatest philosophical potential. He teaches us to use every opportunity, including their mistakes. It different formulate in other systems. For example, in NLP it is: "never defeat is only feedback." So many others will be happy to remind you of your failures or complain about how bad all around. Using this approach it is easy to affect your mood. In such instances, remember: there are no bad or good, is just your attitude.
Don't judge, don't criticise
Sometimes very hard to hold back and not to criticize other people. Only criticism is necessary to nobody — neither to you nor to others. Keep this in mind. When you once again will condemn, listen, but don't criticize in return. Here's my set of questions for such judges: "And what does that mean?", "How do you propose to change this situation?", "Why do you think that only your assessment of the situation correct?". But better just do not take bad in a head, and heavy in hand.
Don't give information without making her his (experience, skill, ability)
If you do not check the information spreading further, then you turn into gossip girl. Your words cease to believe. Happily take advantage of your enemies. Communicating with other people, ask how they checked the information they tell you. Most do not check, becoming a victim of undercover games or political propaganda.
Everywhere and always ask permission
The law from the field of etiquette. Its use not only insure you from unnecessary effort but also will create the image of a polite person. Only ask with inner confidence, otherwise you'll look like a doubter eccentric. By the way, this law I unwittingly used, offering to ask about whether a person's help. Similarly related, and other laws with each other, thus creating a mental shield against manipulation. Use it with a smile, as well as when performing asanas.
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: pokolenie-x.com/?p=25439
Whenever conversation sounds the word "should" when talking about the debt or obligations, it is necessary to ask the question "Who cares?". Manipulators like to mention that the desired need in the first place. For example, the phrase parents, "You need to find a job", free from manipulation, will sound like this: "I need you to stop sitting on my neck and went to work." In the meantime, the child will not have to go to work, he was sitting comfortably on the neck.
Do not promise. If promised — do
Remember how often under the pressure of other people you gave rash promises. The manipulator will be to push you to give rash promises and then exploit your guilt. Just don't promise, but once promised — execute. Then next time think twice before you take on extra commitments.
Do not ask — do not go
Often, we are guided by good intentions, make things worse. We just didn't ask for help. Then our efforts are taken for granted. Even worse is when one person asks another. Helping in such a situation, we break the law "You need to — and you do." If you think it's obvious that person needs help, take the opportunity to ask him whether he is ready to take it from you. Suddenly a girl with a heel stuck in the drain grate, set it up specifically to meet that cute kid. And you, beech, and took all the spoil. Could at least ask.
In the request you can't refuse
Any request suggests thanks. Manipulators tend to give empty promises or forget about the services. Perform the request, but don't hesitate to ask about the return service. Perhaps even in advance.
Live the present (not the past and not the future)
One of the most important laws, it helps you easily destroy manipulation comparison with you in the past. We never want to be worse than himself, often shared with other people. For example, manipulation "Before you was not" easily destroyed "Before it was before." The sweet promises of the future, promises half from the skin not killed a bear instantly stop after the question "So it will be then, and now what exactly do you propose?".
Don't get attached
How often we become attached to the person, subject or activity? How this attachment can be strong without putting our composure under threat? For everyone the answer to this question. Just remember: these emotional ties you to easily blackmailed. Don't let your loved ones become domestic terrorists, not supalite.
Do not put the goal (goal should serve as a beacon)
For me it was the strangest law. For me it is important to be purposeful. To realize his wisdom took me some time. That is why I prefer the formulation with the addition of the lighthouse. If the goal is set incorrectly, then after reaching it comes devastation. Most likely, this goal is imposed on you from outside. So always ask yourself or the people that inspire you to achievements, the question of "what next?". I cite as example, one of my favorite phrases of all parents: "You need to get a higher education." And then what? To be a realtor, sales consultant or start your business without higher education.
Do not bother
The most brilliant of all laws. They can and should use against itself and against other people. The phrase "don't bother, please" can work wonders. The main thing — to tell her before you start to experience irritation.
Nature has no bad weather
The law with the greatest philosophical potential. He teaches us to use every opportunity, including their mistakes. It different formulate in other systems. For example, in NLP it is: "never defeat is only feedback." So many others will be happy to remind you of your failures or complain about how bad all around. Using this approach it is easy to affect your mood. In such instances, remember: there are no bad or good, is just your attitude.
Don't judge, don't criticise
Sometimes very hard to hold back and not to criticize other people. Only criticism is necessary to nobody — neither to you nor to others. Keep this in mind. When you once again will condemn, listen, but don't criticize in return. Here's my set of questions for such judges: "And what does that mean?", "How do you propose to change this situation?", "Why do you think that only your assessment of the situation correct?". But better just do not take bad in a head, and heavy in hand.
Don't give information without making her his (experience, skill, ability)
If you do not check the information spreading further, then you turn into gossip girl. Your words cease to believe. Happily take advantage of your enemies. Communicating with other people, ask how they checked the information they tell you. Most do not check, becoming a victim of undercover games or political propaganda.
Everywhere and always ask permission
The law from the field of etiquette. Its use not only insure you from unnecessary effort but also will create the image of a polite person. Only ask with inner confidence, otherwise you'll look like a doubter eccentric. By the way, this law I unwittingly used, offering to ask about whether a person's help. Similarly related, and other laws with each other, thus creating a mental shield against manipulation. Use it with a smile, as well as when performing asanas.
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: pokolenie-x.com/?p=25439
