Refrain from rhetorical questions

REFRAIN FROM RHETORICAL QUESTIONS

Women in particular often use rhetorical questions to encourage children to obedience. When the mother wants the child, he tidied the room, instead of just saying, "don't take if you're in the room?" — she asks a rhetorical question with a tinge of accusation and condemnation — "Why is the room such a mess?".





Let's look at some examples:

Rhetorical question: Why in the room such a mess?
Possible hidden message: You should clean my room. You are bad. You're lazy. You don't listen to me, etc.

Rhetorical question: When you finally grow up?
Possible hidden message: You act like a little. I'm ashamed of you. You're an overgrown baby. It's time to behave differently.

Rhetorical question: Why did you hit brother?
Possible hidden message: You're bad. You're a mess. You have no reason to contact my brother.

Rhetorical question: are you all right?
Possible hidden message: With you that something is wrong. You're acting strange. Without a good reason such behavior is not permissible... it's bad.

Rhetorical question: How could you forget to do this?
Possible hidden message: You're either a fool or insensitive clod. You're my headache. You never can rely on.

Rhetorical question: are You still talking?
Possible hidden message: You should be in bed. Bad kids. Talk, talk — as peas about a wall.

Abandoning the rhetorical questions that precede a request, parents increase the chances to get a child's cooperation. Otherwise the kids just stop listening. Rhetorical questions — inefficient reception in the fellowship. In addition, these questions do not affect the child, they do not allow parents to realize their responsibility for the negative messages contained in their words. But if we are not aware of the negative messages that are put into it, then can't understand why children evade from cooperation with us.





SPEAK DIRECTLY

One of the most important skills that you need to purchase mothers — to learn to speak directly, especially when dealing with boys. Women often Express their displeasure by withholding request directly. It's like shooting fish in the desert. They leave themselves very little chance to get the desired response. Here are some examples of indirect statements:

Negative statement: Children, you make too much noise.
Implied order: don't make any trouble.

Negative statement: In your room again a mess.
Implied orders: clean up the room.

Negative statement: I don't like how you treat your sister.
Implied order: Be kind, do not treat her so.

Negative statement: do Not beat the brother.
Implied order: don't hit your brother.

Negative statement: You are again interrupting me.
Implied order: don't interrupt me.

Negative statement: You don't have to talk to me.
Implied order: don't talk to me like that.

Negative statement: your shoelaces are untied.
Implied orders: Tie your shoes.

Negative statement: the last time You late.
Implied order: Be punctual.

In each example a parent trying to encourage the child to certain actions, drawing his attention to the problem, but nothing when it is so requested. Often the child doesn't even realize behind these words request and only meaningless stares into space in front of him. To get the immediate reaction, you have right to request, without any negative expressions. Paying attention to the misdeeds and mistakes of the child, you will not achieve cooperation. Let's now consider how you can restate these negative statements into effective request.

REFRAIN FROM EXPLANATIONS

No need to say, "don't brush you teeth? It is time to go to sleep: tomorrow you have a rough day." Just say, "don't clean you teeth?" Explanations leave with him. Resisting the will of their parents, children often challenge the justification. If you don't give justifications, then the child is less reason to argue.

Often men have to deal with verbal requests from the women. Women usually give a lengthy explanation of why man should do this and that, while he would prefer that a request was made briefly. The more a woman talks about the reasons why he should do something, the more resistance it sees. The same applies to the child: the shorter you formulate the request, the more willing he will be to cooperate with you.

If you want to make the kid understand why he should go to bed, explain it to him later, after he will comply with your request. When the child is lying under a blanket, unable to tell him: "I am so pleased with you. You very well cleaned teeth. Now you'll sleep, and tomorrow you will be fresh as a cucumber. Tomorrow I have a lot of business, and a good night's sleep will give you strength". After the child did something good, he is much more receptive to small talk.

Most parents conduct interviews precisely in order to motivate children to obedience, when he resists, or after he would do something bad or make a mistake. This approach only adds to the sense of guilt or dissatisfaction, and ultimately discourages a child's natural desire to cooperate.

While the child is very young, it may seem that this strategy works, but in puberty it wakes the fighting spirit, and the more the child obeyed your will, trying to be good and obedient, the more he will rebel in adolescence. In order to achieve cooperation, it is important to abandon the explanation.
 

Here are some examples of typical mistakes made by parents and an alternative way to phrase his request:

Explanation: today You watched a lot of TV, and now it's time to turn it off. I want you to devote time to other pursuits.
Alternative formulation: kindly, turn off the TV and do something else.

Explanation: Whenever it's time to go to school, you can't find your shoes. I would like you to always put them in one place.
An alternative formulation is Put, please, your shoes in a certain place where you always can find them.

Explanation: I constantly have to clean up after you. I want you to get laid all this stuff.
Alternative wording: Not if you put all these things in place?

Explanation: I'm very tired today. No energy to do the cleaning. I would like to today the dishes washed you.
Alternative formulation: does Not wash if you're dishes? You would make me very happy





REFRAIN FROM LECTURES

Children and adolescents need to lecture only when they asked. Many parents complain that their children don't talk to them. The main reason is that these parents give too much advice and read too many lectures. A particularly strong rejection of lectures arises from the child if the father or mother uses them to encourage him to some action or to explain why he is wrong.

 

 

6 Golden rules for raising a lazy

Boomerang: it will take several years, and these words will come back to you...

 

In these cases, the lectures are not only useless but counterproductive. Here is an example of such a lecture:"my Brother didn't want to hit you. You just played, and he accidentally bumped into you. To settle the misunderstanding, you should use words, not fists. Hitting him, you only made the problem worse. Now, if a senior in high school, you knocked, well would it be?

It is just as bad you do when you hit brother. Instead of fighting, talk to him. You ought not fists in the course of start, and tell him: "I don't like it when you hit me, stop, please."published

From the book "Children are from heaven" John gray

 

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: vk.com/a.s.neill?w=wall-23183549_4214