Replaceable school: how to help your child adapt

The change of the school where studied already though how many, made friends and know every turn, — a serious test for the child. How to keep and help — says psychologist Irina Mlodik.

If you want it. And your child doesn't want it





Are you sure that changing schools is necessary?

You don't like the teacher, the teaching system, you have moved to another area or city. The reasons may be different. Life often pushes us to change. If you understand that the reason for these changes really are, and they are serious, then you need to be firm but empathetic.

What does a primary school students?

The younger child is likely to be with the sadness and anxiety to endure the loss of his favorite teacher, because at this age the teacher is a very important figure, besides the child spends a lot of time with him and very focused. He may worry that you will not be able to adapt to a different teacher.

What will help a parent?

It is important to support the child, allowing him to mourn the loss by convincing him that you have once found him a good teacher and will find good again, and in case of any difficulties with the new teacher will help to understand each other. The more unusual the child, the more difficult and more exciting is to adapt to the new.

What does a teenager?

For a teenager it is very important the environment, other children, staff. He is not so tied to the teachers because, firstly, a lot of them, and secondly, the problem of separation, separation from adult figures, typical for this age, it helps not to be so dependent on adults. Although if the last school was the teachers that the teenager has a special contact, it can also be a serious loss.

What should be ready parent?

Since your child is forced to obey the decision made by you, as a parent, it is important to be prepared for the fact that:

• the child may be mad at you, and that's a natural reaction to the fact that he is helpless before circumstances or your decisions. The ability to get angry is really to help the child not feel like a victim. Just take that anger, it is natural and justified. So we can say: "it's Hard when you decide to";
  
  
• the child may miss, to grieve, to mourn, and this also has its reasons. It leaves what was dear to him. It is very important to allow your child to grieve, to miss, to remember the past a place of learning. If you are a fast and optimistic start to praise the benefits of the new school, he is likely to feel lonely and misunderstood and unlikely at that, charged with joy and optimism. Than adequate and more fulfilling it will be to live past the loss, the faster will be included in the future. So is the new place of study is better to wait for a more opportune moment;
  
  
• they may worry, fret, fear can not cope with the new conditions. Support him in this, confirming that adaptation takes time. Especially if you have an insecure or anxious child that may need more time. You can strengthen it with the words: "of course, it takes time to get used to it", "maybe you need a little more time than some other children." You can ask his classmates for some event, birthday, to help to approach. First getting the permission of the child, of course.
  
  
• teenagers may be afraid not to fit in, to be accepted there. First, because in this case they will join the already established team, and it was sometimes hard to find your place, to take some position, and for teenagers this is very important. And secondly, some teenagers to build relationships at all difficult because of internal conflict between the desperate desire to be accepted, "their", become part of a community and the opposite desire — to be an individual, anyone not like, separate, independent. Around adults often, unfortunately, want to criticize, correct and criticize a teenager. However, in this period it is especially important to know your strengths, abilities, and strengths. This will help him to position himself in the classroom. And their significant adults do not skimp on such a positive reflection.
  
  

 

If your child wants to switch schools. And you doubt

Doing the right thing

Do not just change something as soon as you encounter difficulties. First is to find out all circumstances. The teacher may be unfair in a team relationship didn't work, persecution, misunderstanding, boycott. But if you quickly go on about the decision of the child, you show him how to escape from difficulties. But such crises often occur in order that we could understand, what happened, what happened, are there to share our engagement and what can we learn about ourselves and others in order to avoid then in such a situation.

So everything has to change schools?

The decision is made after analyzing the situation. In any case should not miss the current symptom distress, it is important to understand it. In addition, another school is a difficult task that often entails inconvenience or parental attachments.

Of course, should invest in order to protect their child or to restore the comfort and the opportunity to learn, but it is important to realize and accept the fact that to change the situation, being in the same place, you have failed. It happens. You tried to fix what happened. Failed.

And then you change the circumstances dramatically. In this case, the teenager gains experience and analysis of the situation, attempts to fix it and, if unable to do so, experience a new decision in which to invest — and their parents (some effort), and he (the adaptation to the new location).

He wanted a change. He is guilty?

Even if the child himself wanted to change school, not worth it at the new place waiting for him from great success. He may be sad, bored, difficult to adapt to the new. In the event of his not too positive emotions to reproach: "You wanted a new school". Yes, he wanted to, but this does not mean that the consequences of this decision will be given to him. If you reproach him, you can have a fear of change and decision-making. It is difficult to make decisions, which direct and comprehensive'd be pleased.





Whose responsibility?

It is important to understand that what would be wanted or not wanted the child, the decision about changing schools always accept you, the parent, — parent on your own risk. Know in advance the consequences of any choice, it is impossible, because it is difficult to predict the reaction of your child and the environment in which it will fall.

 



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Mikhail Kazinik: to Take the children's childhood, to tell them a bunch of information — it is criminal

 

But respect for his decision, your feelings and experiences your child will help not to get angry and not to shift responsibility and, in the case of any new difficulties, solve them together and experience them together. And when together, it's not so scary, difficult and confusing.published

 

Author: Irina Mlodik

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.littleone.ru/articles/7-16/education/1684