Sometimes you can hear parents say about their kids: "so different, like not in the same family grow.".
Indeed, why very often children who grew up in the same family are so different, though, according to parents, they grew up in the same conditions?
Of course, the character building is influenced by many factors. But very important is the birth order of the child (eldest, youngest, middle).
The first child in a family often feels like the center of the universe, but with the emergence of a brother or sister, he begins to understand that the center has shifted, and it is not the most, most, most.... But if only that!
With the advent of a second child
, especially if the first child is a girl, and there appeared a boy, most parents shifts the responsibility for the youngest on the shoulders of an older child, thereby committing a serious error
. By the way, for the boys it is to a lesser extent, since they engage in care for the youngest child is not as active.
The eldest daughter as soon as if ceases to be a child. She has a birth brother or sister immediately comes many responsibilities and mistakes committed in the care of the younger, which causes many complaints.
Punctually you can hear: "Well, you're older!" Eldest daughter is constantly told that she has to play with the younger, to help, to give in (he's small!), share everything. As a result, the eldest daughter, a so-called "older sister syndrome". She is used to the detriment of themselves to put the interests of another – younger – above his own.
"Evil" (scattered toys, clothes) to answer "good" to do instead of younger, clean up after him, to yield in everything. Indeed, in this case it can compliment and she'll feel that too.
All the negative emotions that are experienced when this older sister, jealousy, internal aggression, resentment, internal resistance, anger at injustice – all of that is suppressed and repressed in the root instead of to understand her condition and to teach the child to Express them in an acceptable form.
As a result, the girl accustomed to sacrifice getting used, ignoring their own desires and needs, to spare, to tolerate, to forgive, to please, and the first younger brother or sister, and then to all nearby, as this behavior becomes a character trait. The woman with the "older sister syndrome" will never take off the table the best piece
that we bought his last, and often then he will feel guilty.
This behavior, as experience shows, few have raised the gratitude, love or sympathy. Often others will use a person for their own selfish purposes.
That's why I would like to refer to mothers whose eldest child in the family of the girl.Please try to always remember that your eldest daughter, though the eldest, but also the child.
Of course it's supposed to help you, but no need to shift on her shoulders a big part of being a parent, don't deprive her of childhood, don't make it a free nanny do not force to grow up early, to the many complexes, and in the future she has not had any problems with my personal life.
Resentment of the parents: a bad wound quickly and permanentlyWhy sick kids: pediatric psychosomatics
Try to make friends with your children, to grow them really close people,
try to love equally their children, although I understand that it is impossible to force to love to order. But at least, try at least outwardly to treat them equally.
This will benefit all children, because younger and accustomed to exceptional position in the family, in the future will have hard times – he will have to wait such a special relationship from other people and not getting it, sincerely outraged and worried.
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©