Anecdotes Bashny.Net

From the correspondence about the stage from England:
 - Elton John - Sirius British pop!
 - I do not understand 8 (
 - Well, in a sense - a star ...
 - A-ah. Big Blue?
 - YES

Many divorces occur due to a misunderstanding. Many marriages too.

Kuzma: It's nice to be watching a movie with a beer and his beloved wife ...
Fox: I do not even until his wife)
Kuzma But duties are performed =)
Fox: Not really), I do not wash your socks!
Kuzma: I myself can wash them ...
Lisa: And do not cook to eat!
Kuzma: I myself can ...
Lisa: And in the house I did not tidy!
Kuzma: Yes, I do get by ...
Fox: Damn, how am I still glad that having sex with you, I do, and you're not alone ...

 - Hi! Listen, something you've grown somehow. Wrinkles on the face there ...
 - That's what too much laughing!
 - And, do you think alcoholism is funny?

 - You whom you work?
 - Testers.
 - And that feel?
 - The needs.

On examination of the criminal law.
 - Can you tell me what cheating?
 - It will happen, professor, if you'll fail the exam ...
 - How to explain.
 - According to the Criminal Code, commits fraud who taking advantage of ignorance of another person, causing that person damage.

The bus driver said the man:
 - Stop near the house, well there in the end.
Suddenly a woman interjects:
-And Stop me, please, there's, well, you see where the cat.
Driver:
 - You have to stop the hind legs or the front?

 - The girl you have those amazing blue eyes!
 - It's all due to the fact that they reflect you! ®

There are two planets, and the other one says:
 - Hey, girlfriend, even-that sucks me lately.
 - What did happen, everything seems fine was?
 - Yes, that's, you know, I wound up on the people die, probably.
 - Come on ... I have been there - nothing survived.

The door swung open and a knight ran into the room to a beautiful princess. Beauty crying, sitting on the bed. Seeing him, the princess began to cry even more.
 - Tomorrow I will give the dragon! - Wailing, she said Knight - Every year, the dragon needs to be eaten by the most beautiful virgin of the city. It's me! Why am I so beautiful? ..
 - I'll save you! - Passionately exclaimed the knight.
You're going to kill a dragon?
 - There is a simple tool! - Prince said, pulling his pants.
 - And there is no other ways? - Doubtfully asked the princess.
 - Well, I can still break your nose and you will not be the most beautiful.

And how you manage as much in three places to break his jaw?
 - Yes, I'm working on an excavator. On Friday evening, I look - sewer hatch is not closed. Well, I think, over the weekend exactly what a kid fall down! I took so closed his bucket. On Monday, I come, started bucket lift - and then three plumbers!

Yesterday splёl spider on the mirror of our car web, Sanya noticed it and gleefully shouted:
 - Dad, we cobwebs on the machine! You know what that means !?
 - No.
 - This means that our car - the old pimped !!!

 - I have trouble. My wife found out that I was unfaithful.
 - Do not worry, your wife is a strong woman.
 - That's what scares me.

In medical school:
 - Kate, you cunt loose tonight?
 - Went into the rectum!

Guy: Let's bet a hundred dollars that I invite you to spend the night to himself and you refuse?
Girl: @ lyat!

Ad in the newspaper: "I am a pretty girl or a boy.
About Me: cute boy or girl »

She works in a chemist's point, which is in the grocery store. And here comes some guy and starts since rummaged in all departments. Rummaged, rummaged - and then coming to the pharmacy, and begins to study in thought condoms. Well, she could not resist and asked:
 - Help you?
What man scowled at her and said:
 - No ... the best vodka.

At the reception. Doctor:
 - Well, my dear, in the section? Let me listen to you.
 - Oh, viburnum blossoms-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Sausage shop van. Man, asking the price for sausages, asked the saleswoman:
 - You have here these sausages and pork or beef?
Saleswoman, clear eyes looking at the uncle, he calmly responds:
 - Children.

Pervosentyabrskaya mantra:
 - I'm not a pedophile, I'm not a pedophile, I'm not a pedophile ...

 - Guys and me today is one of the police officers saluted!
 - Vasya Hare, we all already know that your wife works in the police!

 - Doctor, why in my room a lot of people and so cold ?!
 - I do not know, we always morgue!

Important question: Addition, correction, changing.
 - Patch
 - Update
 - Patch
NO! The correct answer is: amendment
Think of Russian

nis: on the street someone sawing trees next to a kindergarten.
nis: quite eerie soundtrack: children's screams on the background of roaring chainsaws. )

1: I am married to Winnie the Pooh.
2:?!
1: When I got home, the woman sits. Eat honey cake, dipping it in honey and drinking tea with honey.

xxx: After the last two events at the kiosk next to the house emblazoned: "For Airborne", but slightly to the right: "For PHP».
xxx: And all this balloon of the same color.
xxx: Probably drank together.

shur: he found himself on the game "Fishing»
shur: some Finnish leisurely game
shur: choose where the water temperature, tackle, place for fishing
shur: Dad sitting, fishing
shur: computer in a
shur: behold, he starts klyuvat, the computer beeped
shur: Well, Dad did sweeps his arm)))))))
shur: tore his arm from the root

Kudesnitsa was Vaselisa. Wag his right sleeve-Lake, wag his left swans floating on the lake, 200 grams wag more and more complex hallucinations ...

Rabinovich Goldberg meets on the street.
 - Long time no see! How are you doing? Occupation?
 - Thank you, slowly. Here, I sat down for a memoir.
 - Writing his memoirs? It is wonderful. By the way, you will have already reached the point where you have taken me 500 rubles?

Odessa. Old Jew walking down the street past the city jail and sees the face of his neighbor behind bars.
 - Abram what are you doing here?
 - Sit ...
 - And what they give you to eat?
 - Bread and water ...
 - You could not eat it at home ?!

In the village the morning, waking up the yard and the hostess is busy, waking cow:
 - Moo-oo-oo!
 - What Martochka, bull want?
Wakes pig:
 - Oink-oink ...
 - What Havronyushka, boar want?
Prosypaetsya daughter:
 - Ooh!
 - Good morning, my daughter?
 - Yeah, Mom! To all human being and me - so good morning! ..

The old man lay on the stove to the old woman:
 - The old lady! Fish fried want?
 - I want!
 - So get up and go and fry!
 - But no fish!
 - Well, lie and pi $ di !!!

A man with a broken jaw in the hospital. To him comes his wife.
 - My dear, how are you feeling? I've brought you pechenyushek.
 - Shpashibo. Povozhi f tumbofku.
 - All right, dear.
Come the next day.
 - I've brought you crackers.
 - Povozhi f tumbofku.
After another day.
 - Honey, I brought you Yablochkov.
 - Povozhi f tumbofku.
Wife opens the locker and sees that nothing touched.
 - My dear, why do not you eat? Maybe you bring anything else?
 - Yeah. Walnuts orefkov ... BITCH!

Two men found:
 - I heard you got married ...
 - Yes, and my wife is cool - and in the kitchen, in bed ...
 - And how she succeeds?
 - Yes, I told her in the kitchen spread a ...

 - I bought a wonderful washing machine. She washes and squeezes. And most importantly - no noise! ​​
 - And I myself pouring water, sleep powder, wipes, and squeezes, however, often noisy.
 - Imported widget?
 - Katya something? Patriotic!