Diary of Russian Ninja






Day 1.
Lieutenant built before our barracks, and said that all of his mouth is our company of tailless Papuans so incredibly lucky. For our company in the near future under the watchful eyes of Lieutenant become a top-secret, ultra-fast and sverhnevidimuyu company of real ninja.

Serov rightly observed that called tailless baboon, instead of Papuans. Because the latter are a tribe belonging to the Melanesian group that inhabits New Guinea and New Pomerania. A baboon or gray hamadryad - a monkey of the genus sobakoobraznyh ... On the lieutenant said that if ordinary Serov wants, then he himself will make him the first of the caudate gray hamadryad kind of motorized troops. Serov's face I read that he does not want.
Then the lieutenant read a touching speech about what the prospects for further development will give us real ninja training! Inspired as it ended sobs and mutters lieutenant, such as: "Never more will not drink ... especially with Colonel ... and with him is to play cards ... the more, the desire to ...»

Day 2.
The lieutenant ordered us to dig a moat around a portion of the depth of ten, and a width of five meters. On the question puzzled why Luba Ninjas need to dig ditches, the lieutenant asked is not whether the random Somov horoscope fish? Learning that he accidentally fish is not, Lieutenant promised to rectify that mistake nature ...
And then all somewhere has withdrawn it, so that even the evening building Somov did not return.

Day 3.
Lieutenant check our works. Said that before the Ninja, of course, far away, but first come down. Ordered until the morning to fill the moat with water, carrying it in their caps from a nearby stream, two kilometers from the parts. Why You Need a ninja, no one dared to ask the lieutenant because Somov did not return ...

Day 4.
Reported on the work done. Lieutenant praised us and, with nowhere who took iznemozhdёnnym Somov, went to the den. There he solemnly launched into a ditch three hefty piranhas that Lieutenant safely traded on plowed by a six hectare Sergey Somov - pet shop owner.
The lieutenant was very pleased, therefore expressed gratitude to the entire company, and especially Somov.

Day 5.
Received an order from the lieutenant of that we practiced in the long jump. Simply put, if we can not beat one leap the ditch, the lieutenant will make us a surprise. I am afraid that is not very nice ...
Coped with the task all but Luba, who reached the opposite bank and fell into the water. And as he was still very hungry after plowing, the teeth caught piranha swims by and ate it.
It seems the lieutenant after this spectacle had a heart attack, but he immediately passed as soon as Lieutenant saw the two remaining piranhas in horror trying to swim away from pursuing their Somov.
The lieutenant was furious. When Luba finally fished out of the pit using nets that we have chosen two biologists lovivshih next butterflies, lieutenant told him a severe reprimand. And he added that if Somov managed to gobble up the female, then it under the watchful eye of Lieutenant will personally cross the other two males ... and woe Somov, if they can not give birth!

Day 6.
Trained to jump high. On one of the banks of the moat Lieutenant install a fence height of seven meters, so that we had to overcome in one leap five-meter moat and a seven-meter fence. On the job has not managed one - entrusted to the disposal of lieutenant of infantry units with ease trench, but with a sweep fit into the fence on which then flowed smoothly and down. Then Lieutenant established under the fence a few minutes and retired lieutenant stretched barbed wire.
Following these simple manipulations assigned altitude took everything.

Day 7.
Lieutenant pleased us, saying that we justify their hopes, going to real ninja, we are still very far away. Because true ninja can move at the speed of the sun.
Serov rightly observed that the ninja probably do not move with the speed of the sun, and the speed of light. Because own speed of the Sun is 19, 4 km / s. And when you consider the apex motion of the sun relative to the surrounding interstellar gas, the speed of the Sun will be 22-25 km / s. But it in no way be compared with the speed of movement of a person due to the huge difference in their size and weight. The speed of light in vacuum is 3 * 10 ^ 8 m / s, which is a very large value. Therefore, it is likely that the ninja is still moving at the speed of sound, which is in the air under normal conditions reaches 330 m / s ... On the lieutenant replied that if Serov no longer clever, he immediately fly away with the first space and our the planet will be the second satellite, which will move with the speed of the sun, despite the difference in size and weight.
For training in speed skating lieutenant brought us out of the city into a kind of the remote village. The apiary. Only after he knocked over and stirred up all the hives, we understand why it is so strange costume fishnet. And when the whole swarm of bees rushed at us, we realized that Serov was profoundly mistaken when he said that it is impossible to compare the speed of the sun and man ...
Separates us from the part of the one hundred pyatidesyatikilometrovoe distance we have overcome in a few minutes, the move took a seven-meter barrier fence. However, we have a little strength not calculated - peremahnuv fence and ditch, we landed right on the roof of our hut, where we arrived and found two hours later, Lieutenant.
He was very happy. Firstly, what we have learned so quickly run - now we can give odds to any ninja. And secondly, because we continue to improve in the high jump - right before we left the lieutenant ordered to replace the old fence with a new - already ten-meter ...

Day 8.
Under the supervision of Lieutenant studied silently move with the feet tied tёrkami. The lieutenant went to bed and ordered us to march from here to his awakening. He drew special attention to the fact that if we will publish at least one sound from which he - God forbid! - Wake up, we will no longer march with tёrkami on their feet and skate with tёrkami on Well ... sorry, the pope ...
When Lieutenant fell asleep Lёmin proposed removing floats, one person put in the "Watch", which on waking lieutenant would give us a sign. So they did. But awakening lieutenant was so unexpected that the "sentinel" failed to send a signal, and we did not have time to attach tools to the feet. Therefore, when the lieutenant asked where floats, Somov honestly say - erased! On the lieutenant said that he believed would say Somov he ate them ... So give us only a few minutes out to find these floats and fasten them on their feet.
Silently marched up to the evening of construction, which was carried out without removing the graters. Together weighed cuffs Lёminu.

Day 9.
Learned camouflage on the ground - in the park. The lieutenant said that he is now gone, and will return if there is at least one person in our company, it will be like this chameleon - will be as small and green. Note that chameleons because Serov and called chameleons, they have the ability to instantly change color depending on the terrain and therefore does not have a permanent color, Lieutenant stoically ignored.
Oddly enough, but the promise of Lieutenant acted - came back and he was not found. Although, said two features: the park divorced suspiciously many cuckoos that predict him suspiciously long life. But recently he certainly liked.

Day 10.
In the evening we were again taken to a nearby village, where the lieutenant said it astounding that ninja primarily known as a person who is able to exist with the environment in harmony. Yesterday, we learned to live in harmony with nature, but today we have to learn to live in harmony with animals ...!
Therefore, everyone should be at its discretion choose one or another animal and draw it so that other animals believed in it.
I chose the role of a rooster - surprising, but hen I was able to spend. When I squeezed into the chicken coop, they immediately jumped up from his perch, in a strange way I was surrounded, his eyes began to build. Here is when I got scared. But not as much as in the moment when the chickens came cock, which by such a spectacle like the scallop turkey right on the nose slid. Benefit at this time next ran Ilyuhin who pretended cat - helped drive the competitor.
Serov wanted to pretend to be a stallion, but judging by how neighing with him rushed rural Heavy, Serov was only enough for a mare. Somov, climbing into a bath filled with rain water, so went into the role of bass, which almost began to spawn - probably remembered that he has yet to cross two males piranhas.

Day 11.
Lieutenant built before our barracks, and said that now we are able to all and even more than usual ninja. Yet we are still not ready to accept the proud title of ninja - was the final touch, the final test.
Colonel ran and said that General refused to create in our part of the company Nijo - why do we need them. And yet the colonel said Lt. lost his desire. Very happy.
On the lieutenant said that he was more evenly day and tomorrow will see the colonel who is who should desire ...

Night (last test).
General home that ten kilometers from the part we got pretty quickly - in just a few seconds, easily jumped over his three-meter fence and froze completely merged with the landscape. Guarding the house Bulldogs took the Serov and Lёmin pretending knots. We Ilyuhin with the sheer wall climbed into the bedroom window on the second floor general. Others remained on guard.
Once inside, we started looking for a general's tunic. I can not imagine why woke general - we acted completely silent. I immediately hid behind a ficus, but Ilyuhin not have time. General ordered to report to who he is. Smiling and swaying from side to side, Ilyuhin whispered that he was his dream that this minute away. And it was gone - honest! - Jumped out the window and disappeared.
When a couple of minutes the general went back to sleep, I still found it a tunic and with him, and, at the same time, and with a gold watch that lay on the table, for example Ilyuhin disappeared in the window.

Day 13.
On the construction of lieutenant congratulated us on the successful completion of the last test and unofficial awarding us the title of senior ninja.
Colonel ran pale and said that yesterday in the General's house was an audacious robbery - stolen general's tunic, inscribed gold watch and everything that grew on the site ... and that's not counting the two purebred English bulldogs, which he found completely exhausted in the morning near the part. The lieutenant said to Colonel General betrayed that his company will be able to find all the ninja missing.
When Colonel retired lieutenant called us for a long time and mindless cretins Papuans. Asked why it took us tyrit gold watch and clean out the beds General. Inquired where we Delhi everything that grew in the beds. When Somov said that he ate it all, the lieutenant was bad. So I hurried back generals hours. On the lieutenant said that he knew why Russia is still afraid of everything. Fools because it is more than normal people. Although, maybe it's for the better ... who would have carried out his orders stupid?

So we made the general signed a decree establishing in our part of the top-secret, ultra-fast and sverhnevidimoy company ninja, and Lieutenant Colonel desire to win, which, if you, of course, interesting, tell already the second company.

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