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Relationship Pause: Hidden Risks and Unexpected Benefits



According to a University of Minnesota study, 63% of couples who take a timeout break up forever. But those who went through this period consciously showed a 28% higher level of relationship satisfaction. Why does a temporary pause become a poison for some and a vaccine for others?

The neurobiology of parting: what happens to the brain

A chemical cocktail of separation
The first 72 hours of pause cause:
  • Cortisol jump (+40%) – stress hormone
  • Decreased serotonin (-30%) – the “hormone of happiness”
  • Activation of locus coeruleus – alarm zones

Psychotherapist Dr. Esther Perel warns, “A timeout without rules is an emotional trap where grievances crystallize into resentment.”

Top 5 Hidden Love Break Threats
  1. The effect of emotional freezing: The habit of distance becomes comfortable.
  2. Cognitive dissonance: The brain begins to perceive the partner as “alien”
  3. Incompleteness syndrome: Lack of clear boundaries creates anxiety
  4. Romancing the past: A distorted perception of past conflicts
  5. Emotional vampirism: Using a pause to manipulate

3 Non-Obvious Benefits: When the Pause Heals

1. Reset attachment system
A 2023 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 42 percent of couples had:
  • Oxytocin secretion is restored
  • ventral striatum (reward zone) is activated
  • Increased neuroplasticity in orbitofrontal cortex


2. Emotional detox
The 90 Days Method by psychologist John Gottman
  1. 30 days of complete discontinuation of contact
  2. 30 days of structured communication
  3. 30 days of co-therapy


3. Quantum revaluation
According to the quantum theory of relations (Dr. Tatyana Shnyukova), the pause allows:
  • Get Out of the Emotional Cocoon
  • Review attachment imprints
  • Activate mirror neurons in a new way


Conclusion: The art of controlled pause
As family therapist Virginia Satir notes, “Distance is not the opposite of intimacy, but its essential ingredient.” The key to success is to turn a timeout from a destructive force into a tool:
  • Clear time frames
  • Jointly established rules
  • Professional support

A properly used pause becomes not an escape, but a bridge to a new version of a relationship that is more conscious and emotionally mature.