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Rules for the education of boys
A US nurse, writing under the pseudonym Lyra Balearika, posted an emotional story on Facebook about a boy crying at a doctor's appointment. The post caused heated debate and touched a huge number of Internet users.
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Lyra urges us to abandon stereotypes and not to teach boys that they have no right to express their emotions. Her manifesto of gender equality gained 130,000 likes and became a megavirus in a matter of days.
“I am sick of the way our culture treats boys. I had an 11-year-old boy at the reception today. He was taken for a blood test and cried. I didn't cry, I wasn't hysterical, I just shed a few tears from my nerves. The woman who accompanied him kept telling him to “be a man” and “stop whining like a girl.”
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“She then threatened to videotape him crying and show it to all his friends. It made him cry more. I said we have a strict policy that forbids taking photos or making videos. She was angry with me for “spoiling her joke.”
When this woman went to the bathroom, I told the toddler that he could express his emotions when needed, as much as he wanted, and that even adult men were afraid of needles. And that everyone is afraid of something. And that he's brave because he's scared, but he's come anyway and ready to do what he's afraid of.
Lyra makes an important point: Stop telling boys they're not real boys if they're expressing emotion. Do you know why women are afraid of male violence? ?
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“Because of this kind of attitude towards boys and men that depresses them. Crying does not make a person weak. Fear does not make a person weak. But if you scold a child for showing this or that, it makes you another weak adult.”
The idea that boys can cry has already become commonplace, but it still hides a more important idea. Boys need to experience the full range of feelings, because the more feelings a child experiences, the more caring he grows.
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From an early age, the attitude to tears of boys and girls in many parents is different. Girls are more likely to feel sorry for them, more often show sympathy for them. Boys’ tears are often shamed.
Parental control of the child’s emotions leads to the fact that he does not learn to express his emotions, does not know how to express them and share them. The boy becomes emotionally closed.
DepositPhotos Emotional closure Especially dangerous in adolescence, when communication with peers acquires special value, becomes a school of social relations. The inability to show their emotions makes communication difficult, leads to adolescent cruelty and manifestations of violence.
As Harvard professor William Pollack said, “If boys are not allowed to cry with tears, some of them will cry with bullets.”
According to research, the level of empathy among young people has decreased by 48 percent over the past 30 years. So it's important to understand how to keep our boys' hearts open and why they're showing less concern for others.
How to Help Kids Keep a Good Heart
In many ways, because of upbringing, men grow less emotional than women, are ashamed to share problems with loved ones, prefer to cope with stress alone. Therefore, they are more likely than women to experience stress, resort to alcohol, violence, extreme hobbies and risks.
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The psychologist says, Men cry. From joy, from sorrow, from pain. It's no shame. Please don't stop your boys from crying. Don't be afraid. Don't forbid being angry.
Do not force them to repress and block their emotions, suppress experiences and drive the inner pain. It is better to learn to be aware of your feelings, name them and experience them. They will grow up strong and healthy. Real.""
The main thing in raising a child is not to strangle his individuality, which very often women do in an effort to be an ideal mother. Editorial "Site" 6 things you should not do in raising a son, so that he grew up a confident man with respect for his mother and other women.
We invite all parents to read the wise commandments of Maria Montessori. Each of them is the product of years of work and educational wisdom in its highest form.
DepositPhotos
Lyra urges us to abandon stereotypes and not to teach boys that they have no right to express their emotions. Her manifesto of gender equality gained 130,000 likes and became a megavirus in a matter of days.
“I am sick of the way our culture treats boys. I had an 11-year-old boy at the reception today. He was taken for a blood test and cried. I didn't cry, I wasn't hysterical, I just shed a few tears from my nerves. The woman who accompanied him kept telling him to “be a man” and “stop whining like a girl.”
DepositPhotos
“She then threatened to videotape him crying and show it to all his friends. It made him cry more. I said we have a strict policy that forbids taking photos or making videos. She was angry with me for “spoiling her joke.”
When this woman went to the bathroom, I told the toddler that he could express his emotions when needed, as much as he wanted, and that even adult men were afraid of needles. And that everyone is afraid of something. And that he's brave because he's scared, but he's come anyway and ready to do what he's afraid of.
Lyra makes an important point: Stop telling boys they're not real boys if they're expressing emotion. Do you know why women are afraid of male violence? ?
DepositPhotos
“Because of this kind of attitude towards boys and men that depresses them. Crying does not make a person weak. Fear does not make a person weak. But if you scold a child for showing this or that, it makes you another weak adult.”
The idea that boys can cry has already become commonplace, but it still hides a more important idea. Boys need to experience the full range of feelings, because the more feelings a child experiences, the more caring he grows.
DepositPhotos
From an early age, the attitude to tears of boys and girls in many parents is different. Girls are more likely to feel sorry for them, more often show sympathy for them. Boys’ tears are often shamed.
Parental control of the child’s emotions leads to the fact that he does not learn to express his emotions, does not know how to express them and share them. The boy becomes emotionally closed.
DepositPhotos Emotional closure Especially dangerous in adolescence, when communication with peers acquires special value, becomes a school of social relations. The inability to show their emotions makes communication difficult, leads to adolescent cruelty and manifestations of violence.
As Harvard professor William Pollack said, “If boys are not allowed to cry with tears, some of them will cry with bullets.”
According to research, the level of empathy among young people has decreased by 48 percent over the past 30 years. So it's important to understand how to keep our boys' hearts open and why they're showing less concern for others.
How to Help Kids Keep a Good Heart
- Give the boy confidence that you will always support him. Then he will pay less attention to what other people think and say about him. This will help him protect himself from the psychological trauma of rejection, betrayal.
- Take your child with warmth and show him your openness. Teaching them to share positive emotions will help them get closer to you and teach them to open up even when they are particularly strong. Never shame or humiliate him - after that it is hard to expect that he will want to share with you not only experiences, but also joy.
- Support your son and allow him to be sad, do not forbid crying! Boys cry too.When they are sad, they don’t need to be pressured to respond “correctly” to an event that hurt them. Just be there and make it clear that there is no wrong way to express sadness. Focus on accepting his feelings and nature will do the rest – and if there are tears, they will come out.
In many ways, because of upbringing, men grow less emotional than women, are ashamed to share problems with loved ones, prefer to cope with stress alone. Therefore, they are more likely than women to experience stress, resort to alcohol, violence, extreme hobbies and risks.
DepositPhotos
The psychologist says, Men cry. From joy, from sorrow, from pain. It's no shame. Please don't stop your boys from crying. Don't be afraid. Don't forbid being angry.
Do not force them to repress and block their emotions, suppress experiences and drive the inner pain. It is better to learn to be aware of your feelings, name them and experience them. They will grow up strong and healthy. Real.""
The main thing in raising a child is not to strangle his individuality, which very often women do in an effort to be an ideal mother. Editorial "Site" 6 things you should not do in raising a son, so that he grew up a confident man with respect for his mother and other women.
We invite all parents to read the wise commandments of Maria Montessori. Each of them is the product of years of work and educational wisdom in its highest form.
