The sad fate of children who take their parents under their wing

It turns out that sometimes long-awaited motherhood Instead of a happy event, it becomes a nightmare. And it's not that the love for your parent suddenly disappeared, no. Adult children can no longer change their habits, and they need complete freedom of action.



My mother needs love and care for herself. The parent-child role model is turned upside down and not everyone is able to rebuild with it. What comes out of this, our reader tells in his piercing story.

My mother's welcome, dear editor. "Site". I have no friends and I have no one to share my story with. I probably do not even ask for advice, because in this situation nothing depends on me. I just want someone to listen. They say it takes some of the weight off the narrator's shoulders. A slight relaxation in the nervous system would do me good.

It's my mother. She moved into our apartment seven months ago. I'll tell you from the beginning. My husband and two children live in a three-bedroom apartment, for which we still pay a loan. We have an average salary, like the capital. But you can’t find it in the regions. My mother is 68 years old and often sick. So we decided to stay with her for a while until things settle down.



My husband was against it, as were the children. It is difficult to live with an elderly person, and you will have to make room. In the past, when she lived in the country, we paid her friend to see her mom, buy food, clean up. But now that friend has grown old herself, so she can no longer fulfill her part of the contract. So we had to make concessions.

Now a little about Mom. I must say at once that she is very energetic, although now she walks with a stick, it is generally difficult to move. Nevertheless, he is an adult, formed person with his own point of view on any occasion. She got used to waking up early and wondered why we didn’t have the same rules.



If my husband is used only to breakfast and immediately go to work, then my working days are a little different. I work from home, behind a laptop. For mom, it's not work, it's pampering, so the attitude is appropriate. Despite the fact that I was in my fifth decade, now I have to, like a schoolgirl, water flowers at one time, then clean three rooms, cook on a schedule, and so on. You know, it's uncomfortable and even humiliating.

All my things my mother has already measured, “lucky” that we are the same size. Since we live in the capital, my mother likes to get out of the city and see the local sights. Now she and I have my perfume and jewelry. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sorry, but sometimes in the evening, when you want to relax and walk with your husband in the night city... you just don’t find your things, and everything is canceled. You can't ask your mom because she goes to bed at 8:00.



The food, by the way, is different from ours, so that's plus one bag in the store. Products should be fresh, not the cheapest. Add to this a tidy sum of money for medicines and a new wardrobe (I can’t give all my things away, so we bought new ones).

And recently, because of the pandemic, the husband was forced to take a vacation at his own expense. My salary also suffered for the same reason. Now the husband sits angry at home, disappearing in the garage at night. At least the car will get in order. That's where the scandal happened. The thing is, I thought I'd suggest my mom take some of the monthly pension and put it into the general budget. Of course, it will remain for her needs.



So my mom threw a tantrum, told me I was an extortionist and I only wanted her money. The mother can no longer take care of her for free. I knew before that her visit to us would be a “one-goal game” and even accepted it. But this is a really tough time. Plus, you need to feed the children and the loan for the apartment has not been paid. My husband is already openly expressing his dissatisfaction, and there is nothing I can do about it.

My mom's hurt, of course, but not from our apartment. Then I offered to rent her house out of town. But this, of course, will not help – for the money you get, you literally will not buy anything. So my mother was against the fact that in our “family nest” to settle other people. That's the kind of limbo I'm living in right now. I don't think there's any advice here. We’ll see how things develop.



Problems with parents are a sensitive topic. But we're hoping things will get back to normal. Perhaps, if you tell your mother in detail what the situation turned out to be, mention the fact that even grandchildren experience discomfort, she will meet. She's also a grandmother. He knows that children need special care, and for this you need to be patient.

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