How not to raise a child with a loser

When parents expect and demand from the child of some achievements and successes, I advise them to look carefully inside yourself and find the true motives of this desire.

In most cases, it is not to his interest, as it seems at first glance. And not even from the parent, because the real feeling of any parent is love your child, no matter how it was deeply hidden, it is always there.

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But most often, in the foreground the desire to meet the expectations of society, the evaluation of other people. Parents want to be proud of the child as their own personal achievement, a trophy. It is a symbol of their quality of parenthood writes Elena Shugurova specifically for econet.ru. And then they seek to obtain external approval, five for the fact that their child is successful, that means they are successful.

If it becomes too important, the love of parents becomes conditional, it's love FOR something. And this is the biggest trauma and pain of every human, when he suddenly, in childhood, understands and sees that mom or dad does not love him and his achievements. But each child for the normal development need to be loved not FOR, but on the contrary, DESPITE..., not for achievements, but in spite of his mistakes and failures.

Those children who grow up in the warmth of unconditional parental love and acceptance regardless of their successes and achievements in the garden and school in the future, grow up strong, happy and successful people. They are able to overcome any difficulties, UPS and downs, again and again to strive and hope for the best, because inside them is a strong supporting Foundation.

And here is the result of conditional love becomes the wounded inner child, who is in almost every one of us (after all who in any way came into contact with the inner psychological work).

The result of conditional love, love your child for achievements, it becomes a sustained feeling of insecurity, feeling not good enough and worthy... "well, if I'm by myself, without any of the fives, is not worthy of mom's love, then I am not worthy."

The result of this love becomes steady fear of mistakes, anxiety, reluctance to move forward.

Thus, we get the desired result is just the opposite – we want to see the child successful, and the resulting insecure loser, that's a paradox.

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Yes, often this injury kompensiruet in adulthood castigatory model of behavior. A man climbs out of his entire life, proving time and time again that he is worth something. And perhaps such zeal gives a good appearance result.

However, inside such a person is never satisfied, never quiet and happy, he does not come to a point of joy for your achievements. Again and again he goes with outstretched hands in search of encouragement and recognition from someone outside.

Never forget that a parent's love and acceptance of the child by any such as it is, without a filter assessment of his achievements – this is the energy that charges the battery real success, happiness and strength of your child for a lifetime.
 

©Elena Shugurova, especially for

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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