Likes HUNDRED and sex ZERO

Philip Zimbardo on why modern men are so much time playing, hanging around in social networks and watching porn

— I have a girlfriend.
— Calm down, I only asked the chair!

Remove from the screen pregnant, give grandmother Valerian. Here I will zapresheno, conversations about pornography, sex and games.

In his film "Love and Death" woody Allen says: "Sex without love is an empty experience, but this is one of the best empty experiences". Whether so it actually?

Porn and computer games — any opportunity to get momentary pleasure, to relieve stress, to keep everything under control and to win — in fact, it makes us impatient, gives illusive hopes, destroys our ability to socialize. From the book by Philip Zimbardo "the Man in the gap: Games, porn and the loss of identity"

Many modern children used to the idea that sex is more dirty than murder, because their parents allow them to watch movies where people kill each other, but switch to another channel if the screen displays nudity or erotic scene begins. Pornography, to which adolescents can get on the Internet, does not refute their ideas about sex as about a dirty lesson in which there is no love, no emotional intimacy.

Today, the Internet allows for anonymity, anyone at any time can view porn without SMS and registration. Officially you must be over 18 years of age, but who will check it out. The porn industry today real factory for rapid production of dopamine — the hormone that helps us feel joy and pleasure. And porn stars so much that they drop in price a week after you started (it's even officially called "the new girl": girls working on webcam, the most earn in the first week).

Cartoonist New Yorker David Cypress outlined (in the literal sense of the word) the modern problem with porn. It depicted a family scene: the grandfather reproachfully looks at his son and grandson, utknuvshis in their laptops. And signature: "When I was young, stomped by foot in the rain and in the snow 10 miles to the nearest store where you could look at dirty pictures". Yes, those were the days...

Psychologist Philip Zimbardo believes that porn is particularly harmful for those adolescents who have not had a real sexual experience. Why? The fact that these young people begin to perceive sex in a mechanistic fashion — as a set of postures and actions performed by naked people — without any romance, emotion, intimacy, communication, gentle touch and kisses. Sex obespechivaetsya, and the perfect partner for men is one with which you can "hook up" and fled. Only adults understand that using porn can "sweeten" life fantasies, but Teens put everything on its head: they want them to have and life was like a porno.

So many young men suffering from complex "Madonna-whore": after all, Madonna is love without sex, but a whore is sex without love. They want to wife a virtuous woman, a mistress, a slut. And if they come across a woman who is cute and sexy at the same time, they are violent and push her away, believing that sex should not be personal. It is clear that such people have great problems with the construction of warm intimate relationships.

Porn becomes accessible with high-speed Internet and availability of gadgets — one click and the video will open in high resolution on any device. But why this content is so popular? Philip Zimbardo outlined a few reasons:

Reason 1. Shyness

To a significant extent, shyness is associated with the development of digital technologies that minimize direct human contact, when, for example, you just want someone to talk to, find you information, to go to the store, to the Bank, to take in the library an interesting book, etc. But the Network does everything for people, myself, quickly and without mistakes, without having social contacts. It is recognized that online communication in some way helps the shy to establish human contact in this chaotic world.

"...the ever-evolving digital technologies affect human communication, making it more structured and mechanistic. Leave this life the immediacy and warmth that allows you to develop and practice the skills of ordinary conversation, such as the ability to negotiate and maintain a conversation, reading body language and facial expressions of the interlocutor.But it is very important. It's how we find new friends, which is what contributes to the appearance of real intimacy".

The result is dramatic: in the unusual situation of a shy person, when faced with authority or even with people of his circle, Blendable and behaving inappropriately. The same thing happens while chatting with the opposite sex.

2. the cause of Apathy to sex

The couple rarely make love. According to the Japanese Federation of family planning, one in three youth aged 16 to 19 years is not interested in sex (from 2008, this figure had doubled) and for every ten married couples have four couples who haven't had sex in a month or even more. In Japan it is so common phenomenon that these asexual men called "soshoku danshi" — that is, "herbivores", in contrast to the "carnivorous", which the sex is still interesting.

Reason 3. The fascination with technology and the dependence on the excitation

Because porn and video games — the shortest way to pleasure, then everything else — women, physical training and learning becomes interesting. Enough to give in to temptation and click on Play,as already no need to go anywhere beyond the screen of their computer or TV to get endless fun. The variety of stimulants that offer porn and computer games, is able to overshadow all the other desires of real life. Plunging into porn, guys feels sheiks virtual harems, and in computer games can become a hero, or antihero, would not answer without the risk of being killed or wounded literally.

Reason 4. Changes in the environment

Richard Sharpe, specialist, a fertility specialist from the University of Edinburgh, comparing the number of linked studies came to the conclusion that every fifth young person in Northern Europe has such a low sperm count that it can threaten infertility. Where such rapid, dramatic shifts? In the Wall Street Journal published an article in which Sharpe and his Australian colleagues attribute this phenomenon to the Smoking women during pregnancy, with low weight of the baby at birth, subtilest or overweight in childhood. Smoking, alcohol abuse, drug use (including anabolic steroids and cocaine), obesity, stress and lack of movement also affects the quality of sperm.

And this is only part of the puzzle that we are trying to fold. There are other reasons, beyond our control.In recent years, experts have sounded the alarm about the presence in the environment in many different kinds of chemicals, strongly changing hormonal balance — this is the so-called endocrine destructors.

Reason 5. The downturn in the economy

Gasoline, education and housing cost of today's young people disproportionately more than their parents generation of baby boomers.

It is not surprising that compared to 1990 the cost of education is several times ahead of inflation, but computers, televisions, and toys, on the contrary, much cheaper. In General, life in Western countries has risen strongly since the economic crisis, and the younger generation gaining debt, to make ends meet.

Over the last several decades has become increasingly difficult to break into the middle class: companies that previously prided themselves on their success, began to save, resorting to outsourcing labor in other countries with low-wage, removing the minimum profit. And the Ged is no longer the ticket to life-a dream. Today even many people with higher education have little chance to break through in this life, which truly became a Sisyphean task: no matter how much I roll the stone up the hill, he'll slide down.

Philip Zimbardo: Our culture is slowly losing something very important. We all together lose the ability of critical thinking, do not know how to delay gratification for later, to set and achieve significant personal and social goals. We have to somehow "agree" with the technology, but how exactly are we going to do it, depends on the health of human relations.

Most people agree that today's young men lack something. Statistics with her usual ruthlessness States that men fall out of many areas and lose many of the skills are gradually moving into virtual reality. When a person is most of their time engaged in the same, it risks becoming a "one-dimensional". Perhaps those young people whose parents indulge their computer addiction, will end up like the Japanese "herbivore" (hikikomori), completely cut off from the joys of real life, and those who have no financial "safety cushion", and will not be able to get to the diploma. Perhaps we are waiting for the growth of fatherlessness and unemployment, not comparable in their scope with the situation of the last decades, when the same problems have hit mainly the poor and those who failed in the gender imbalance. The number of men with a low income due to the inability to find a job will increase significantly, and with it will grow and problems with the law, and as a result, their wives with children become single mothers.

Young men need hope, inspiration and a new, more productive for themselves and society social conditions. To do this, no one calls to demolish the old system by the roots. To deprive men of their some notions of masculinity deprive them of the ability to "Flex its muscles" and eliminate the concept of "being a man", which exists to this day and which should be welcomed, freed from unnecessary husk. Society needs a more coherent and communicative man, confident, calm, reliable, respectful and respected. We must show men that they are attractive and desirable, and not expendable. published


Author: Diane Chankseliani


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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