"Our people abroad", written in 1890!

"Our overseas", Chapter "Nemetchiny"

Nikolai Aleksandrovich Leikin (1841 – 1906), the publisher of the comic magazine "Fragments", became famous also as the author of the book "Our people abroad" — a satirical description of a trip to Europe a merchant couple from St. Petersburg. Before the revolution of 1917 this book, written in 1890, survived 27 editions! Published Chapter "Nemetchiny" from this book – and it seems many of the observations made by the author over a hundred years ago, still relevant!

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"Moved the Russian border. It seemed the Prussian eagle depicted on the shield, nailed to the pole. The train pulled into the station building. Russian conductor last opened the doors of the cars. I heard German speech. There were two well-fed German black military trench coats with lots of buttons on the right and on the left side of the chest and helmets with bayonets. "Adcount!" — has cried out someone, swallowing the words. I could see the signs with arrows and reading "Herren", "Damen".

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Passengers began to remove from the shelves of my hand Luggage and began to get out of cars. Among them was a young merchant with his wife, the merchant, the origin of which is affected in each pleat, in every movement, though he was dressed in the latest fashion. First of all he struck his hand on the bottom of the hat with a bowler hat and said to his wife:

— Well, Glafira S., came to my country. Now should we his education to prove it. Put foreign words! Plant without any stesnenie. Fry vengeance.

The young wife, also dressed in the latest fashion, was confused and blushed.

— What is the earth? she asked.
- Sure thing — Nemetchiny. German always on the border is. In addition to German in any foreign land will not pass. Take your pillow. Me three not to push through the door. And what about the cases we porter shout. As the porter on the German style?
— I am, Nikolai Ivanovich, I don't know. Us these words in the guest house not taught. Anyway my German is very bad... When the teacher came in German, I always have a toothache.
It is the same... And said that I studied.
— I have learned and just room know the words. That is if in the room or someone to say Hello and ask about the weather...

— Strange, I myself heard you read poems in a foreign dialect.
Something in French. That is if in French you have to, then I know more.
— As there is in the German state French! Here for the French language in the site can bastard. German fear as the Frenchman does not like. He is a Frenchman — that the cockroach in the soup.
— Hey, porter! — shouted the merchant. — Guten Morgen... you are? Commenti... Our suitcases. Briganti... Suitcases...
- You see, you the German words you know.
— Ten words! This lot won't leave. Intoxicating I will ask in German, because drunken words I know, and the rest in the tooth. Hey, dick porter! Dick is in their language sir. Nicer it might be better. Fuck the porter. You cannot cheat a scoundrel! In another car flooded. Surely to have to drag?.. Pull out the pillows, and I suitcases... Bring it! What up?
— Yes, I see the main pillow squeezes. It is necessary for one thing...
— And why only you three pillows with a visor?
Yeah I can't this one to bed. Head numb. And finally, don't know where you're going. Maybe there is no pillow...
— Throw pillows. Let me get them out... Well, propicia back propicias... After all, the customs here. Wouldn't the Germans pillows to strut and look for them? And then the whole bed we brought. Not considered for sacks with the product. At least tell them that it's a pillow. Like pillows a German?
I do not know.
— Hello! And now boasted that all Pets know the words. After all, pillow — room word.
- I knew, but forgot. And why are you mad at me? After all you do not know!

— I have another thing. I specialize in drunken words. Here at the buffet I'm in the best shape... "bir — trinken... Schnapps — trinken... Seidel... for flash... sandwich"... and finally, I Board not studied. German words I learned from the Germans colonists who come to our shop rope, a tarp and nails to buy. "Ein, zwei, Drei, fir, fir ruble, zwanzig, kopeken". To count in German you anything calculate, and others I do not know the words. Well, wait around for pillows, and I'll get the suitcases. Hey, dick porter! Numer Ein und zwanzig! Commenti! began again to shout the merchant and beckon a porter.

The porter finally came, took the things and carried them. The merchant and his wife was dragged from behind the cushions, umbrellas, blanket and cotton quilt.

— Zollamt... jetzt ist Zollamt... Koffer haben Sie, mein Herr? — asked the porter merchant.

God knows what he's babbling about! — exclaimed the merchant. — Glafira Semyonovna, you know? — he turned to his wife.
— Yes, it must be, for tea asks. Let him, ' she replied.
— Well, people! Even twenty not want to believe and forward the money demand. Take it, take it... Here are three dime. Not to cheat here. We in St. Petersburg in full confidence. I have the banks on one hundred and fifty thousand bills walks...

The porter did not take the money and said:

— Nachher, nachher werden Sie zahlen...
— Glasha! Do not take it. Surely two of fifteen little? — asked the merchant. — Or, he may be German money necessary?
— Yes, of course it is German money requires.
— Deutsch gold want? Deitch need to change. Where is the exchange shop? Need to change. You know? I do not understand. Glasha! Tell him in German, as you have been taught. What are you ashamed of something! Well, as a German exchange shop? Sadi!
— Oh, my God! Well, you're harassing me!
— Knows nothing! And yet Madame studied.
- Money-changing shop you will find in the station. There's a Jew you will break — came back in Russian.
Said a gentleman in a felt hat of the road. The merchant turned and said:
'Thank you... it's Amazing how difficult without German language... don't understand. Please say this the sausage that he is tea at its best get as soon as I change Russian money. Well... More mercy you... Sorry... And what is the German money-changing shop, so I can ask?
— Wechselbad... But a Jew who will change money, speak Russian.
— Encore merci you... Wechselbad, wechselbad — asserted the merchant. — Remember, Glasha as a money-changing shop is called, and then I'm in a hurry, you can forget. Wechselbad, wechselbad.

At the door of the station stood the Prussian gendarmes, and customs officials confiscate passports and missed passengers at a time.

— Oh, it would bring in the way of Carl Adamitch for German, ' said the merchant. — Though he probaly people, and still with the language. To dress up in my old coat, so he does for his master gone. Just because the road Yes the drinks, and he eats the nothing. Positively ought to take, and at best would form it in German muttered.
So, why do think that? — said the wife.
— And was it you said I was with him from circle to stray? I'm on your education hope, I thought that if we have Madame in the hostel and studied German poems know how the German's words not to know; and you even without that thing as a pillow in German is called.
— You said that I know the words politic, and the pillow is the word politic?
— They are lying! You even now boasted that room know the words.
— Ugh, you make me sick! Here I take you and pay.
— Yes, cry. To hell with you!

The wife tearfully blinked. The merchant pushed her forward.

Pass! — cried the gendarme and blocked her way.
— Glasha! What is he saying? What does he want? — asked the wife of a merchant.
— Leave me alone. Don't know anything.
Pass! — repeated the policeman and put out his hand.
— Well, you see, if he like to screw plays: pass Yes pass.
— Give your passport. He requires a passport, ' said someone in Russian.
— Passport? Well, so I would say, and then pass Yes pass... Here is a passport.

The merchant gave the passport and slipped through the door. His wife was also detained, and demanded a passport.

— Glasha! What are you?.. Come here... Glafira Semenovna! What did you get up? — shouted the merchant.
— Yes is not allowed. There he's very handsy, ' she replied. — Let go of me! irritably, she lunged.
Pass! shouted the policeman.
Yeah I gave it a passport. A wife with her husband... the Wife in my passport... Passport we have in common... Is my wife... Listen to her... So not done... This mess... Eyn passport. Eyn passport in the Zvi — outraged merchant.
— I'm his wife... I Frau, Frau... And he's a man... That's my Mont Marie... Marie... — murmured the wife. Finally we skipped it.
— Well, people! — shouted the merchant. — Not a single word in Russian... And, they say, educated Germans! They say that wherever you spit everywhere in the University or Academy of Sciences. Where is the education?! Ugh, you die!

The merchant spat".published

Source: N.. Leikin. "Our overseas"

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: izbrannoe.com/news/yumor/nashi-za-granitsey-napisano-v-1890-godu/

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