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Why is it scary to carry out desires?
Why is it scary to fulfill desires, rush into new experiences, change professional activities that are already joyless, create strong relationships and even have children?
The question, “Do you allow yourself to be a student?” gives an answer to all of the above reasons.
It would seem that the time has passed when you were a student first at school, then at the institute. Now the specialist himself is a professional, it is time to teach.
As it turned out that this narrow understanding of “student” limited my life, I took the words “student” and “teacher” too seriously and literally. Since in my life, studying was accompanied by negative memories: hard, laziness, you are scolded, criticized, you are angry, you do not have the right to respond to the “offender”, it does not work, you are afraid, the eternal tension between who you are and what is required of you, then I no longer wanted to be a student after graduating from all educational institutions.
Now it became clear to me that very often the resistance of the child is hidden behind the “don’t want”. And in the “do not want” is embedded the usual fear of non-compliance with the ideal, which does not allow the fulfillment of desires. Too often desires require the need to learn again, and therefore, again and again at first to be a “fool”, clumsy, inept, ugly. This fear and guilt dictate the need to be able to do everything at once and not try to do something new, unfamiliar or that you do not do very well or quit at the beginning or halfway.
Recently, she began to dance strip dancing on an online fitness subscription. The class only lasts 40 minutes. Every 10 minutes I paused a dance. Everything inside resisted: I don’t understand, it doesn’t work out, a wooden body, it’s not mine, I’m so-and-so – in a word, I didn’t see anything good in myself. This is despite the fact that no one is watching me. All the trash in my head. To the extent that we do not give the right to our child to learn and receive different marks, we do not allow ourselves to master new things.
There are many things in life that I do easily. "It's mine," I say at moments like this. Anything that is not mine has been rejected.. When the reason for “not mine” in fear and resistance became clear, it became easy. Removed the burden of responsibility, self-demand, expectations. I'm just learning: I came to first grade and started studying. Whether dancing, snowboarding, singing, playing guitar.
What I have listed is about entertainment, pleasure. But all this applies to the relationship between parents and children, between men and women, employees and employers. I realized that I had a huge fear of having children, of having a husband, just because the demands on myself are so great. I want to be the perfect mother, wife, hostess. Too serious and incorrect attitude to roles, not allowing to be a student in a relationship.
Any relationship is the same first grade of school when you come and can not really read, write, count.. Not because you are a fool, but because you do not yet understand, do not know, do not know. Soon there will be knowledge, skill, and I will learn to do it masterfully. And what an absurdity to blame yourself for mistakes and something done wrong! What could a first-grader be guilty of? Even if he’s 38 or 50, it doesn’t matter.
Inside us still lives a child who is interested in a lot, but at the same time there is fear, and an adult with his criteria and assessments: how it should be or not. In fact, not an adult, but a very scared child who is afraid that he will be abandoned, will fall out of love if he is not good!
And it becomes so easy and free when you realize it. The feeling of guilt leaves and you rush into the realization of desire joyfully, with interest, curiosity of a child who sniffs out, sucks, touches everything with eyes wide open and heart!
Source: /users/334365
The question, “Do you allow yourself to be a student?” gives an answer to all of the above reasons.
It would seem that the time has passed when you were a student first at school, then at the institute. Now the specialist himself is a professional, it is time to teach.
As it turned out that this narrow understanding of “student” limited my life, I took the words “student” and “teacher” too seriously and literally. Since in my life, studying was accompanied by negative memories: hard, laziness, you are scolded, criticized, you are angry, you do not have the right to respond to the “offender”, it does not work, you are afraid, the eternal tension between who you are and what is required of you, then I no longer wanted to be a student after graduating from all educational institutions.
Now it became clear to me that very often the resistance of the child is hidden behind the “don’t want”. And in the “do not want” is embedded the usual fear of non-compliance with the ideal, which does not allow the fulfillment of desires. Too often desires require the need to learn again, and therefore, again and again at first to be a “fool”, clumsy, inept, ugly. This fear and guilt dictate the need to be able to do everything at once and not try to do something new, unfamiliar or that you do not do very well or quit at the beginning or halfway.
Recently, she began to dance strip dancing on an online fitness subscription. The class only lasts 40 minutes. Every 10 minutes I paused a dance. Everything inside resisted: I don’t understand, it doesn’t work out, a wooden body, it’s not mine, I’m so-and-so – in a word, I didn’t see anything good in myself. This is despite the fact that no one is watching me. All the trash in my head. To the extent that we do not give the right to our child to learn and receive different marks, we do not allow ourselves to master new things.
There are many things in life that I do easily. "It's mine," I say at moments like this. Anything that is not mine has been rejected.. When the reason for “not mine” in fear and resistance became clear, it became easy. Removed the burden of responsibility, self-demand, expectations. I'm just learning: I came to first grade and started studying. Whether dancing, snowboarding, singing, playing guitar.
What I have listed is about entertainment, pleasure. But all this applies to the relationship between parents and children, between men and women, employees and employers. I realized that I had a huge fear of having children, of having a husband, just because the demands on myself are so great. I want to be the perfect mother, wife, hostess. Too serious and incorrect attitude to roles, not allowing to be a student in a relationship.
Any relationship is the same first grade of school when you come and can not really read, write, count.. Not because you are a fool, but because you do not yet understand, do not know, do not know. Soon there will be knowledge, skill, and I will learn to do it masterfully. And what an absurdity to blame yourself for mistakes and something done wrong! What could a first-grader be guilty of? Even if he’s 38 or 50, it doesn’t matter.
Inside us still lives a child who is interested in a lot, but at the same time there is fear, and an adult with his criteria and assessments: how it should be or not. In fact, not an adult, but a very scared child who is afraid that he will be abandoned, will fall out of love if he is not good!
And it becomes so easy and free when you realize it. The feeling of guilt leaves and you rush into the realization of desire joyfully, with interest, curiosity of a child who sniffs out, sucks, touches everything with eyes wide open and heart!
Source: /users/334365
